Should the hospital have done this?

[buzzpopprince]

This happened earlier this year, but what followed was very traumatic (and in my other threads) so I think it didn't occur how significant it was.
In brief, I was at the hospital with new boyfriend with suspected kidney infection. There had been some red flags re controlling behaviour and I was considering finishing the relationship. (These got much much worse later).

While at the hospital in a & e, he could not handle the wait times, was pacing and getting angry, and trying to hassle the reception desk to push me up the list.
The a& e were very very busy and clearly really ill people around, and I pleaded with him to stop and to just wait sit and wait our turn, I was crying really upset but he wouldn't stop. He kept disappearing and tried to get in the back way twice through where the ambulances were and into to the main area where you are seen with the cubicles. (You can only get in there when you are called)
Eventually he achieved this, had 'made friends' with a young male nurse and he said watch we will be seen soon. We were called soon, but I didn't know if we would have been anyway at that point. I should add that I was really angry about this, as it is completely against my morals, I was really shocked about his behaviour, I was also very weak physically.
So I go in, have tests done, blood pressure, urine tests, bloods etc then back out to wait again.
Later on he disappears again, and he is comes out of that area again (where cubicles are) and he calls me in. The male nurse from before is there and they both have my results on the computer screen, my ex is holding my notes.

The nurse then tells while my ex is there that I am pregnant and that I also have kidney infection, and am dehydrated.

1. Shouldn't they have asked me whether I was ok for him to be there for medical results? I would have said I wasn't ok with it and it may well have changed the course of what happened after, which was weekly escalating abuse while I was pregnant and terrifying.
2. A female doctor I saw later did ask whether I wanted him in the room (while having gynae exam) and I said no, he really kicked off about this but I had only been seeing him 6 weeks ffs he said he had a right because I was now pregnant
3. I have always had a nagging feeling that he knew I was pregnant before I did by the way he reacted.

What would you do? I would hate another woman to go through that. The male nurse must have thought he was doing a ' favour' or he was bribed...as my ex was very charming and always got what he wanted, but if only he knew what the consequences were. There was another incident later the same night with another nurse that involved them taking blood from me and leaving the band on too long while they did it, resulting in me passing out and blood everywhere so overall, a very stretched hospital clearly...

As a nurse myself, you are well within your rights to complain about the breach of your confidentiality.
I'm glad you ex is no longer in the picture.

When we there he was very very pally with this nurse, overly friendly, though he as like that with many people. Calling them by their name on their badge etc like he had known them a long time. He said he had got his contact details so he could thank him afterwards for helping us. He never mentioned it again though

Where is the baby?

Is that relevant?

When I attended the FPC with my DP they wouldn't allow him in the room so I could speak freely. I had nothing to hide but they do it so the person is safe, and anything said in that room stays there. So yes I'd say they weren't particularly thoughtful. It probably wasn't meant to make things difficult or on purpose, these things do happen. I wouldn't suggest necessarily making a complaint but after a short stay in our local hospital they asked for feedback a good few months after. So it could be useful to them and to you, to fill in some kind of feedback form? It might help someone else if they're aware of it.

All the behaviour on the night that you describe, sounds controlling and should be a red flag that this could be an abuser. A&E nurses should have enough safeguarding knowledge to recognise this. They should certainly have enough knowledge about patient confidentiality not to act the way that nurse did. I would complain to the hospital - the likliehood is that the nurse in question will be sent on more training, which by the sound of things won't do him any harm. If this us a pattern and he is taking bribes to share confidential patient information then he should be sacked and struck off.

op I think posters are trying to determine whether the baby's care is an ongoing concern, or whether it is not. Whichever answer you give, you will receive support - it's purely informative, no-one is seeking the information out in order to judge you.

Please, please say something. Very inappropriate of them. When I look back to a point in my life when my very supportive Boyfriend took my to A&E for an overdose, I am quite aware that whenever he left the room to fetch me water they would ask more pressing questions. Obviously a different scenario but I realise the importance of it.
It seems like in your case they had a lack of training which could of hindered you. Flag it up

OFGS, stop asking about the baby! The Op has either lost it, had a termination or given it up for adoption - she doesn't have it! Whichever it is, isn't relevant to whether or not she should complain to the hospital!!

Yes, OP, you should. Just list what happened as a concern for confidentiality protocols.

You're being deliberately cryptic about the child. Why?

Fucking hell, Katinkka, leave it alone!

RTFT the. baby, is. not. here. So it isn't at risk ok.

And thanks Kattinka for rubbing salt in a very open wound

I'm assuming the OP had an abortion and is trying not to say.

The problem is, you were at the hospital with a boyfriend, I.can't see why they would check with you first of you were ok to get results.with him in the room. They can't know what he is like and it would probably be unusual for someone to turn up with someone but theyndidnt want them there. They arent mind readers.

I don't think it'd be morally right for you to complain about this.

Psychopathic personalities are manipulative, and it's not reasonable for HCPs to be on constant alert for them as it would seriously damage rapport, not to mention being totally impractical.

I appreciate that you wish things had been different with your ex, but your suffering was his fault, nobody else's. Displacing part of the responsibility onto a nurse who knew you for a tiny fraction of time, who had no clinical suspicions despite having safeguarding training, seems grossly unfair.

Divulging that you were pregnant was a huge breach of confidentiality. What if your ex was a long term partner or your husband and the child could not be his? A situation like this could lead to a woman being physically abused or even murdered. Medical staff cannot assume anything about the personal circumstances of patients who are usually strangers to them.
Please do report it to PALS to ensure staff receive a wake up call about correct procedures.
Good luck. I'm so pleased you have escaped the clutches of such an awful man.

Omg some people can be so insensitive!

Harrypottermagicwand they don't need to read mind. They can't share amy information with anyone without the patient consent. Which they didn't ask

The hospital should not have done this. Pregnancy relates to your body and not his. The decision whether, when and how to tell him should have been yours.

Could you go the route of sending feedback but without complaining? Honestly, I wouldn't worry about what you should do, just do what will make you feel best placed to move on from a traumatic situation.

Kattinka. What business is it of yours where the baby is. It's absolutely nothing to do with the OPs questions. Give it a rest.

I have a lot of hospitalisations and my husband often accompanies me.

Not once have they ever discussed anything about my condition or care in front of him without first explicitly checking with me (away from him) that I consent to that.

OP I would raise it with the hospital/ PALS it's absolutely not acceptable for your confidentiality to have breached like that. In an ideal world the red flags should have also been picked up on.

As for the baby stuff no one has the right to interrogate the OP over. She has said the child is not here and not at risk. Have some sensitivity ffs

But some people have more complex scenarios. My "father" acted like he was still with my DM long after they split as he didn't want her moving on; he was pretty much married to someone else but she wasn't so much as allowed to talk to a male cashier. If she needed taking to the hospital he would have done it and he would have made out like they were together. If he'd found out she was pregnant, knowing it couldn't be his, she'd have probably been dead. And even if it was his, and she wanted to get rid of it he wouldn't have let her. So as the OP says, it could be very dangerous to just assume.

Bollocks to it not being "morally right" - the OP has had a traumatic event, made worse by an abusive now-ex - the nurse in question should not have done any of what he did, from allowing the boyfriend to be where he was more than once, to giving him the OP's notes/results prior to her getting them herself! Absolutely he needs extra training in care-taking over his confidentiality and safety protocols.

I'm sorry to hear about this. You should definitely contact PALS. it's not about getting someone into trouble, it's about addressing your concerns and, if something did go wrong, reducing the chances of it happening to someone else.

Having said that, in A&E, the nurses have to frequently make snap judgements about what they can say to who. Often patients are unconscious or incoherent or dangerously ill. Time is often of the essence. Desperate relatives in waiting rooms aren't armed with ID or birth certificates to prove they are next of kin. The presumption may be that 'if you trust this person enough to let them bring you to hospital, then I presume that it's OK for me to talk to them'.

Sometimes that will be wrong. But in the real world there are no practical checks that work all the time - a woman accompanies her female partner of 30 years to the hospital - she has a cardiac arrest, resuscitation is unsuccessful - do we go to the waiting room and demand details of official next of kin - a 90 year old estranged parent - or do we tell the grieving widow that her life partner has died?

I know this is not what happened to you - but I hope it helps a bit to think that it may not have been lack of care for you and your privacy that led to this. I wish you well.

For crying out loud she's not being cryptic - how dumb are you? The thread is NOT about the baby.

Leave it.