to ask if you are scared of death?

[marvelousdcomics]

I'm scared of death - not the dying part, but afterwards. I'm scared of not being here. I'll never see, hear, smell, taste or touch anything again. I'm absolutely terrified of it and it is taking over my life.

Also, dd(15) has been petrified of it since her nan died 6 years ago. By petrified, I mean properly, full on scared. She frequently cries, has panic attacks etc because she is that scared. She cant do anything without the thought of death overwhelming her.

So, 1) could I do anything for dd?
And 2) are you scared of death?

[DoItTooJulia]

I'm not scared of dying. I'm scared of the pain it'll cause my children. Especially if I think about dying young and they'll be young and motherless.

But this thread isn't about that, is it? You and your daughter need help. I agree with starting at the GP.

[spicyfajitas]

No I'm not. I'm not religious but I don't believe we just end, either.

I want to live a long, healthy, full life and not leave anyone behind until it's very much my time though.

[ElizaDontlittle]

No, not at all. But I have looked after many dying patients, and death is just the next stage of life to me. I came close, a few years ago. And I have real confidence that there is life beyond the grave and that death really is defeated, in the end.

There's a good course run by mostly CofE churches called Grave Talk which enables people to talk about death, dying and funerals and gives a safe space to do so. Equally many vicars, or hospital chaplains, would be very used to and comfortable with, exploring fears about death.

If that's not something you'd consider then I'd consider helping DD find a counsellor - does the school have one? And maybe for yourself, too. It sounds like it's stopping you living - and even if you believe this life is all there is, isn't that a waste of what time you have?

[Shitonyoursofa]

Not at all scared of dying. I am scared of pain, so the thought of dying of a horrible long illness or something else that causes huge physical pain, yes I am scared of that. Of the thought of being dead, not being here, not at all, I actually wouldn't be bothered if it happened tomorrow. But I don't have any children, I can imagine I would feel quite differently if I did.

[OhTheRoses]

No.

[Areyoufree]

Yes. I used to be exactly the same as you. Two things have helped me: 1. Remember that when you get there, you might not feel the same as you do now. Same as with aging. I thought my life would be over past 30, but I am now 39 and feel pretty happy with where I am. When I am very old, I may be ready to go, who can say? 2. Reading Smoke gets in your eyes by Caitlin Doughty. It's partly about facing death and being part of the decision making process regarding your funeral. Helped me a lot.

[formerbabe]

No I'm not scared.

I'm petrified about leaving my children without a mother though.

[IrishTwin]

I have had depression twice and both times I have been absolutely petrified of death, to the point where it was all encompassing and I couldn't think of anything else. I'm not saying this is the case for everyone but my fear was linked to my depression although at the time I couldn't see it. Counselling may be the way forward. Also I'm not saying this is the case but your daughter could be picking up on your fear and projecting this.

[BrownAjah]

Not any more but I went through a period where I was. Suffered depression from it. Now being dead doesn't scare me. I was dead for millions of years before I was ever alive!

I am, however, afraid of prolonged illness etc at the end. I think that's pretty natural though. All of it teaches the lesson to bloody well enjoy what you are now!

[Crystal15]

No not at all. We all die. I don't want to die young but I don't view death as the end so maybe that's why I'm ok with it. I'm not religious but I believe in souls living on.

[Pettywoman]

I'm more scared of living too long with a shit pension and healthcare needs with an underfunded NHS.

[stitchglitched]

Yes. My mother died when I was tiny and she was 30 years old. When I had my DC I became terrified of dying and leaving my children like she did.

[Dropmealine]

Same here. I don't understand how the argument that you didn't exist before helps. But it's strange some people find that comforting and others don't.

[TheSconeOfStone]

I'm not scared of being dead at all. I will no longer exist so that will be that.

Terrified of illness and pain. Really frightened of getting dementia or cancer. Really hate medical interventions as even a simple injection makes me feel sick and faint.

DH is terrified of no longer existing. He can't talk about death at all.

[CozyAutumn]

I'm scared of dying and even more scared of death. When I actually sit there and think about being dead, I get panicky. It's a horrible feeling.

I am scared of leaving my children behind, especially if it happens when they are little.

[Mondegreens]

No. I have concerns about the process of dying, and (especially being an older mother - I am 40 years older than my son) the desire to see my son as far into his life as I possibly can, but the prospect of non-being doesn't bother me. I think I get more exercised about the harms done by various religions that human beings have made in dealing with precisely this fear of death. And I'm not talking about belief in an afterlife at its most pernicious/dangerous (40-virgin reward for murderous jihad etc) - I find my (devoutly Catholic) parents' belief that life is supposed to be a vale of tears, followed by more suffering in Purgatory, then a final reward of ill-defined communion with a deity pretty pretty pernicious, and juvenile, in its own way.

[Truckingalong]

Terrified. My dads death was brutal and horrific and has shown me that it isn't always peaceful and pain free.

[bookeatingboy]

For me I often have thoughts about the finality of death, there will be no more... well anything! I can't explain it properly but it does give me some panic for a few minutes, but I don't dwell on it.

I also worry about dying young, not for me but for my children, A life long friend died from cancer a couple of years ago leaving two young boys.

I'm usually quite an upbeat person BTW so not all doom and gloom.

[maddiemookins16mum]

I watched my DM die, I literally saw and heard her last breath and apart from DP and DD she was the person I loved most in the world. I dread my DD going through that awful pain so death does frighten and scare me.

[ToastDemon]

I don't love the idea but I am far more scared of the people I love dying. My most fervent hope is that DH outlives me.

[allowlsthinkalot]

Absolutely terrified. Had a panic attack reading this thread. The thought of not existing any more is absolutely terrifying, more than anything that could happen in life.

[bumbleymummy]

I used to be - to the same panic attack state as your DD. I'm not quite sure how I came out of it but I did. I used to try not to think about it /just distract myself if it came into my head but I actually think that allowing myself to think about it and feel what I was feeling and working through the anxiety feelings that came with it helped more. for you and your DD. It is horrible to feel that way about anything.

[DontTouchTheMoustache]

OP yes I feel exactly the same as you to the point it feels like it is taking over my life. I sometimes want to shake other people and scream "why aren't you afraid" because they say they just don't think about it. I am so scared of not living enough in the time I have as well. I can't comprehend the nothingness of death and that we will never exist again. Thinking that this is it and it's our only shot at life. So weird and terrifying.

[witsender]

Yes, very. But more so one of the children dying. I literally cannot allow myself to go there. Especially if one went, I'd want to end myself but would still have the other to stay for, I don't know what I would do.