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AIBU?

to ask if you are scared of death?

77 replies

marvelousdcomics · 19/11/2016 07:44

I'm scared of death - not the dying part, but afterwards. I'm scared of not being here. I'll never see, hear, smell, taste or touch anything again. I'm absolutely terrified of it and it is taking over my life.

Also, dd(15) has been petrified of it since her nan died 6 years ago. By petrified, I mean properly, full on scared. She frequently cries, has panic attacks etc because she is that scared. She cant do anything without the thought of death overwhelming her.

So, 1) could I do anything for dd?
And 2) are you scared of death?

OP posts:

Report

marvelousdcomics · 20/11/2016 09:25

to expat, jankwrs, strawberry, zombie and anyone else who has experienced/is experiencing something horrible.

OP posts:

Sneakynamechage · 20/11/2016 07:16

I'm not scared of dying, no. Never have been.
I'm scared of the impact it would have on my close family and friends though.

SharkBaitOohHaha · 20/11/2016 04:38

Not of death, no. I don't believe in an afterlife either, but I find that comforting. I'd be more worried if I did believe, to be honest - it adds an element of uncertainty.

The process of dying? Somewhat. Working in healthcare, you see a lot of 'good' deaths (by that I mean, peaceful, surrounded by family, not in pain etc.). But you also see.. well, the complete opposite.

To be honest, my biggest fear is getting dementia.

lovesxmas · 20/11/2016 04:14

I am terrified of death. Completely with you on this OP

TowerRavenSeven · 20/11/2016 04:10

Yes, all of it! I always have been, I think that's why I'm such a Halloween (the holiday not the movie!) fan. I can laugh about it and 'have fun with it' at Halloween.

I'm most scared of I won't know what to do when it happens. I believe in the afterlife, so I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. I also am afraid of dying suddenly and not knowing I'm dead and my spirit getting stuck here on earth. Too many paranormal shows!

IamAporcupine · 20/11/2016 01:32

I am petrified.
I have many times thought of starting a thread like this.
I haven't even read the replies as I know it will send me into a panic attack

zombie

attheendoftheday · 20/11/2016 00:55

I have never been afraid of death, but now I'm a mother I a desperately afraid of dying while my children still need me.

rosenylund · 20/11/2016 00:48

My dad is petrified, obsessed with having a limited time. He's 73, relatively good health apart from the common older man problems (prostate for example). It breaks my heart that he can't just enjoy the day or the year for what it is - he thinks everything is his last - christmas, birthday etc.

Jankwrs1 · 19/11/2016 23:28

OhTheRoses - you too. 💐

OhTheRoses · 19/11/2016 23:25

jankwrs

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 19/11/2016 23:15

I'm not scared of when. Its how that bothers me.

Jankwrs1 · 19/11/2016 23:13

I watched my lovely 17 year old son die a horrible death last year. It was not peaceful nor was it calm. I'm not afraid of death, only that another one of my children may die or that I may die before them.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 19/11/2016 23:10

Zombie there are no words...

SpookyPotato · 19/11/2016 22:58

Now my dad is gone it doesn't scare me as much. I just don't want to go while I'm young with dependent children. I think about dying now and my toddler wondering where I am

TheBouquets · 19/11/2016 22:54

Zombie - sending flowers

Blossomdeary · 19/11/2016 22:24

Zombie

Blossomdeary · 19/11/2016 22:15

The older I have got (now 68) the less concerned I have become - which seems a bit paradoxical, as it is getting nearer. TBH I think it is partly because I have a few physical limitations and pain and I can see that it might be glad to kiss these goodbye, especially if they were to get worse. I too believe that I will return to the state I was in before birth - and that was fine, and so will this be. I believe that my atoms will return to the cosmic soup whence they came.

And what was the point of those atoms gelling into a human that is me and then returning? - I have no idea whatsoever!

I sometimes feel a bit sad that I will not see my DGC grow up and know what they make of their lives; but that is just tough - I have to bite the bullet on that.

I am sorry that you and your DD have this fear - and I am sure that it is no coincidence that this afflicts both of you. It must be discussed with your DD's therapists - it is so fundamental that it will have an impact om everything they are seeking to achieve for her.

I know when my DC felt like this (as all do at some stage) I said that they should not waste their lives worrying about it or there would have been no pint in having this life in the first place!

MrsMook · 19/11/2016 22:14

I'm not afraid of death. My dad died suddenly when I was a child which made me more aware of my own mortality.

I believe in an afterlife, but if I'm wrong on that then I'll have no awareness of it so I'm not afraid either way.

There's ways of dying that are less unpleasant than others. My dad didn't suffer, but it was a shock for the rest of us. To have pain or a prolonged decline would not be pleasant, but I've seen relatives reach the end of their active life where death is a release from future suffering.

Longer life expectancy is making death more remote and taboo, but it is inevitable, and most of us will experience losing loved ones along the way. It's an uncomfortable truth, but I find it easier to accept than deny.

I hope you can both get some support to manage your fears.

OhTheRoses · 19/11/2016 22:12

Expat oh fuck. I don't know love, I still feel guilty that I didn't properly grieve for my father. I thought it would come but the children were 2 and 5. And somehow after losing a child, even though I had him only for a few hours, it didn't seem so unnatural. Oh love

zombie and not an emoticon for it

hugs

StrawberryLeaf · 19/11/2016 21:59

*saddest not safest

eyelevelgrill · 19/11/2016 21:58

zombie

StrawberryLeaf · 19/11/2016 21:57

Zombie much love to you

I was scared of death but then my daughter died and that brings a different aspect, for a long time it was a struggle to think of reasons to stay here. Also I think if she could do it, die, then I have nothing to be scared of. I hope to see her again.

Although, its 7 years now since her death and my children are growing and the thought of leaving them is terrifying, they are so young and I can't imagine leaving them.

One of the safest things I watched was an old series called the Mummy Diaries, it was mums preparing their children and husbands for their death from terminal illness, so sad.

Woodacorn · 19/11/2016 21:56

I am not scared of death as I believe in heaven.

Armi · 19/11/2016 21:51

I'm not scared of death, but I am scared of pain, fear, suffering and panic. As I believe death is the end - no afterlife - I can't be frightened of it as once I have experienced it I won't reflect on it or have a terror of it happening again. I will cease to be and therefore have no memory of how death occurred. I won't be abe to worry about my daughter as I will no longer exist. I can't bear the thought of her grieving or being unhappy, although after death it won't bother me as I will be dead. It's all the stuff we have to cope with whilst alive that I am frightened of.

IamtheZombie · 19/11/2016 21:49

Death doesn't scare Zombie in the slightest. Nor does the process of dying as she knows her HCPs will keep her as pain free as they can and give her a good death.

None of this is hypothetical for her as she has terminal cancer and quite possibly only 6 months left to live.

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