AIBU to ask how well behaved are/were your 2 and 3 year olds?

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I have one of each, boy and girl and whilst I love them dearly, they are an absolute bloody nightmare.

Two year old threw her dinner on the floor in a restaurant today over some minor issue that required just a teeny bit of patience. What exactly do you do when a 2 (just turned) does that in public?

If the food I bring 2 year old doesn't please her she knocks it out of my hand. It actually goes flying everywhere. I've learnt from my 3 year old that getting cross and raised voices do nothing but make me feel bad, so I just do the whole, how disappointing, what a sad choice you have made but it goes in one ear and out the other.

2 year old shouts "no" all the time in a ferocious way, even the most simple question. It's embarrassing.

3 year old is getting better but still has days of being a nightmare. He lay down in the middle of M&S screaming like a monster because I wouldn't leave him by himself in the toilets to wash his hands

These are minor things and very much the tip of the iceberg.

I just wondered when family time becomes fun and trips out as a family are not drama and tantrum filled?

Sorry, not feeling great myself and today an awful day of tantrums and endless squabbling.

The 2 year old will not do anything she is told, ever, she only does what she wants to.

Regular but name changed,

One was a delight at age 2 and a demon aged 5.
The other was a nightmare from birth but still manages to be an angel for the most part. I think she has brain washing skills.

Seriously though, all kids have phases of being challenging and can be as lovely as can be at other times. You just have to weather the storm because when the sun comes out, which it will do, it is all worth it.

Mine were lovely at that age, DS continued to be and has always been easy going in his home environment. Dd on the hand went off like a rocket at age four and has never really stopped

Mine were fairly Ok at 2 and 3, but I was careful where I took them.. so eating out didn't really happen, because, let's face it, no child of that age is going sit quietly for any length of time, let alone 10 minutes while you wait to order, 15 minutes before the food turns up, eat, then wait quietly while you have a nice chat/drink/digest your own meal. I found it really wasn't worth the financial outlay or the stress.
Supermarket shopping was also difficult, I think most of them whinge if they are tired or bored.
My best tips are: feed them before you go out, or make it a picnic. Don't take them shopping if you can possibly avoid it, or if you have to , keep it short. Keep them exercised - a walk to watch the trains at the end of our road helped if nothing else was on offer- and change activities regularly - every half hour or so. This didn't have to be anything major, so could be bath, story, trip to the corner shop for milk, star jumps etc, I'm not suggesting you do loads of expensive activities.
And I used to tell anyone who was whining that they must be tired and would be going to bed. If they hit anyone ( rare but not unknown), we would leave, if we were out. If we were in, it would be naughty step ( not sure if that's still a thing, was some years ago!)
Bear in mind, mostly these things are short-lived phases - I work in a school, and almost all of the children are reasonably well-behaved most of the time by the time they start school.
And try not to shout yourself-it makes them louder. That is a counsel of perfection though!

Dd is 3 and is a nightmare, and knowingly so. I know a lot of it is about getting attention, but when I've been up all night with the baby it's hard not to just shout.

I think it's about perspective too, I think we're quite harsh on her at times so jump on everything. We went out for a meal the other day and had to tell her off a lot, to thw point we were getting really fed up, yet a woman from a large party on the next table specifically came over to us to comment in how well the children had behaved.

I have 5 children. 12,7,5,4 and 20 months. All sounds totally normal.

This too shall pass. All will be well.

It's sooo frustrating though. I was actually (secretly) pleased that DS was an inconsolable terror because playgroup ended when DP was at home as he normally doesn't have to deal with this.

Oddly, I love taking him out to eat as he's genuinely a pleasure and rarely difficult. I would love to be able to afford to take him out to cafés and the like as it's 100 times easier than at home.

I can't wait for him to be a bit older to take him to some sporty activity or another!

DS at 3 is mostly well behaved. We found what made the biggest change to his behaviour is explaining what's going to happen, giving clear expectations with regards to behaviour and then rewarding him for meeting expectations.
So "DS we are going to go and have a meal in restaurant, do some shopping and then come home. At lunch you need to sit nicely and not throw food around. Can you do that? It would make mummy so proud of you."
During meal when he's behaving I'd say in a really enthusiastic tone of voice "wow DS you are doing so well eating your dinner! Aren't you my special big boy!"
He seems to thrive on praise so this approach really works for us but a year ago before he had the understanding for this kind of conversation he could be a tantrum monster of doom.

Mine was awful at that age! Every single day was a stupid battle about everything. She's absolutely gorgeous now. I used to wonder why on earth people were stupid enough to have more children when mine was 2-3

I am past the toddler stage so perhaps my advice doesn't count so have somewhat forgotten what they were like, but I had 3 within 3 years so fine dining etc was definitely out of the question. I don't think they were too bad, but I wouldn't have tolerated really bad behaviour in public.

I have noticed now that it seems to be fashionable to almost actively allow bad behaviour and make it all about the child's emotions? For example I was out for dinner last night, a 3 year old boy was kicking my chair leg repeatedly. Mother eventually came over, did not apologize but instead attempted to negotiate with the child (who was now screaming and pulling at my dd's dress) over his dinner choices (apparently he ordered one thing then changed his mind when it arrived, which caused this behaviour ) I am laid back but would never have tolerated my children disturbing other people. I do seem to see quite a lot of this recently.

My 2.8 year old DD is half angel, half demon from hell. She'll climb on my lap and smother me with kisses, then be in tears (screaming) the next because I ask her nicely to be gentle with Mummy's hair/glasses/eyes. Her favourite word is "NOOOOOOOO!!!" at ear splitting volume, followed by "I really don't WANT to!!!"

She doesn't eat well. She hates any sort of change. She hides behind me if anyone so much as looks at her. BUT I can take her out in public and she's usually very well behaved. It's being in the house where we struggle!

Ds is 3 and whilst still prone to tantrums things are getting better. Reasons for this I think, are that he can communicate more what the problem is and he can also understand better what the consequences will be if he acts up.
At 2 however he was a complete nightmare. We gave up any idea of eating out as it would always end with him face down on the floor screaming. I haven't dared go back to the supermarket yet where he refused to go in, threw himself on the floor at the entrance and yelled his head off whilst everyone tutted! . His most epic tantrum resulted in him screaming for 45 minutes without stopping because I wouldn't give him Smarties and crisps for breakfast!
Hold on op, things will get better!

That reminds me of the time I wouldn't let DS touch nettles and he threw himself on the ground, and people ignored us until I started talking to him in my native language and they actually stopped to gawk!