AIBU to ask how well behaved are/were your 2 and 3 year olds?

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I have one of each, boy and girl and whilst I love them dearly, they are an absolute bloody nightmare.

Two year old threw her dinner on the floor in a restaurant today over some minor issue that required just a teeny bit of patience. What exactly do you do when a 2 (just turned) does that in public?

If the food I bring 2 year old doesn't please her she knocks it out of my hand. It actually goes flying everywhere. I've learnt from my 3 year old that getting cross and raised voices do nothing but make me feel bad, so I just do the whole, how disappointing, what a sad choice you have made but it goes in one ear and out the other.

2 year old shouts "no" all the time in a ferocious way, even the most simple question. It's embarrassing.

3 year old is getting better but still has days of being a nightmare. He lay down in the middle of M&S screaming like a monster because I wouldn't leave him by himself in the toilets to wash his hands

These are minor things and very much the tip of the iceberg.

I just wondered when family time becomes fun and trips out as a family are not drama and tantrum filled?

Sorry, not feeling great myself and today an awful day of tantrums and endless squabbling.

The 2 year old will not do anything she is told, ever, she only does what she wants to.

Regular but name changed,

They were fabulous. 2 DDs: People used to come up to us in restaurants and compliment us on their behaviour. No, I am not being facetious, its true.

At home, however ....

DS is 2.4 and I think what people would describe as a little shit spirited. His temperament has not been helped by the arrival of his sister 4 weeks ago, but he was already a handful.

He is extremely tall for his gage, so can reach things pretty much anywhere, or will climb to get things. He can escape from any harness (including the car seat) and can undo the child lock on our car door.

If he doesn't want to walk where we want him to, he simply lies down. He weighs 16.5kg so he's too heavy to carry, but he can break out of a pushchair with shocking ease.

Today in Boots he decided he wanted to take the lids off all the hairsprays and spray them everywhere. I obviously wasn't keen on this idea. Trying to drag him out of the shop mid tantrum while apologising to the staff and wrangling with DD's pram was not the most fun I've had.

Two was bad.. really really bad but three was fucking awful. Things calmed down about 3% when he turned 4 though... there is hope!

With my three Iv noticed if they were dream babies the toddler years were damn hard. Ds was such a happy easy beautiful baby. Toddler years he was a lunatic ! ( but still happy and beautiful just completely hyper ) dd was a very sullen, horrendously clingy baby but a dream toddler. Rarely had tantrums would sit and play quietly loved other children. Now I have dd nearly 3. She was an amazing baby but my god the change seemed to happen over night. We were shell shocked. Really demanding, huge tantrums but what's becoming more apparent is that she's really quite bright and thrives on a lot of one to one. Loves puzzles, arts and crafts playing on the computer, role playing etc. Things have just started to get a bit easier. It's a gradule process that's hardly noticeable but one day you think to yourself wow I think they are becoming easier. Iv noticed as her speech and communication has improved so has her tantrums. One particularly bad phase was her refusal to get dressed. And when you have other kids to get to school on time it's no fun. She is really fussed over being the baby of the family defiantly spoilt with love ( if you can spoil with love ) so I have noticed if she needs telling of we have to really change our voices to be quite stern. And that shocks her a bit. But not really got any great advise only that your soooo not on your own op. It's bloody hard some days bit as others have said it will get better. One thing I'd mention, sorry if it's already been asked, if she knocks the food out of your hand do you feed her anything else ? I'd be inclined to let her go hungry until the next meal.

I sooo wanted to start a thread on this OP!
Both DCs of mine are an utter nightmare as they have somehow managed to synchronise their tantrums. let's say one of them starts a tantrum on something, the other would find it their moral duty to take sides with the sibling against evil daddy or witch mommy. Sometimes I wonder if running out of the house would save my sanity or make it worse. And tantrums triggers are so many that you loose track of them. From a poonami to a broken buiscuntcuit, all hell can break loose anywhere and everywhere.

I found 3 harder than 3 with DC1. He is newly 4 and still no better. Was an angel until about 2yo though.

DC2 is nearly 2 and she seems to be mellowing a bit... she has been a comparative nightmare thus far though and I'm hoping the age old adage 'difficult baby, easy toddler' applies.

I obviously meant I found 3 harder than 2!!

DCS 2 &3 were fine - the usual toddler tantrums but nothing too major.

DC1 on the other hand....😈😈😈

This makes me feel so much less alone after three days of hell with my 3 year old. Just told DH tomorrow morning I'm going to go and sit in the car got some respite.

Mine is 4 now and around the time he turned 3 was his monster stage. He was always very well behaved in public, for which I suppose I am grateful, but at home, he could throw the most magnificent tantrums - the record was 45 minutes of solid lying on the floor kicking and screaming at the top of his lungs. Then he would snap out of it and say, "That was silly, wasn't it Mummy?"

I simply avoided everywhere between 1.9 months and 4 probably. Ridiculous really looking back as she wasn't like it at home. Tiredness played a big part but by 5, she cottoned on to "the look".

They are pretty much pre verbal reasoning at this stage. It's more about distraction and prevention than explaining. It's exhausting, because you have to be one step ahead all the time- if she throws food on the floor, then only give her a forkful at a time. Do not put anything within her reach. Try not giving them toddler meals in a restaurant at all. Get a slightly bigger dinner for yourself, and share. So DH and I would each choose what we wanted, and pass items to DS to try. If DS liked it, offer more. If not, something else. Between the two of you there should be a decent range of things to try.

Just to say, my DS was a complete nightmare at this age. Didn't sleep in the day even as a tiny baby. Never sat still. Very fussy about food. He's a delightful 20year old now, and eats everything except the corguette, mushroom, aubergine types of veg.

Hang in there.

Arrgh, the not listening drives me up the wall and I can tell he understands what I'm saying.

DS is pretty great until he has to do something he doesn't like and then all hell breaks loose.

I was hoping we'd be through the other side by 3, let alone 4!

Just told DH tomorrow morning I'm going to go and sit in the car got some respite

My lovely friend used to do this - her DH would arrive home from work and she'd hand him their DD (who was very 'spirited'), get in the car, drive to a layby somewhere and read the paper - before she committed infanticide.

Thank you for starting this, was beginning to think it was me... Absolutely delightful 3 year old is just about to turn 4 and suddenly is horrific quite a lot of the time! Really tricky too. Other dc, just turned 2 has always been challenging but right now he's the more straightforward one.... Aargh!

My twins were bastards at that age. At 2 they were sort of unconsciously rageous but at 3 they were starting to be rotters deliberately. Don't get me wrong I love them to bits but they scared the crap out of me at 3. They got a bit better once they turned 4. I think twins and siblings close in age are worse as they compete for attention and also have a partner in crime. Sometimes height is the only advantage I have over them...

I would find that incredibly stressful and if I'm honest, I'd probably avoid taking them out for a while and consider explaining why. Two is young so perhaps she/he wouldn't fully comprehend. I definitely felt 'responsible' for how my kids acted in public.

Best advice I was given re: parenting = it's all a phase so this too will soon pass. Fear not, seems normal going by the replies.

I have two children. My first was a delight, so easy to discipline, a stern 'don't do that' was sufficient to sort out any behavioural problem.

My second was some sort of child from hell. Strong willed, stubborn, prone to rages, impatient, oblivious to praise or punishment, the sort of child that leads strangers to start smug threads on mumsnet about how they would never allow their child to behave like that.

The second has mostly grown out of all that and at 5 is now quite charming and civilised. But my goodness there were dark days at age 2/3.

Hang on in there OP, they do grow out of the absolute horror phase. Promise.

Hey also don't punch me if you've all tried this 20,000 times but if you are having problems getting them to listen, I find counting to five often works (tell them what you want, tell them what you'll do if you get to five, then start counting slowly and loudly. I find that if they are just farting around I.e. not actively against doing what I'm suggesting, I rarely have to count past 2.

If they're actively opposing whatever it is... forget it I have no idea what to do.

I have an 18mth old and 3 year old. They're lovely, but utterly feral at times. I sometimes wonder if my husband feeds them Speed before he leaves in the morning.

They feed off each other and get progressively more ridiculous as the day goes on. 18mth old throws food, then 3 year old copies in fits of laughter.

Went to the shops this morning, and 18mth old screamed at being strapped in the pram so they were both 'walking'. One ran in one direction, and the other in the opposite. They were running in circles at one point. I've tried reins which washouts a disaster.

People stare at me.

So, yours sound fine 😀

It was like living with two tiny unpredictable, illogical dictators.

Now both are at school being a mum is what I thought it would be like.

My 2.5 year old has actually become freakishly well behaved in the last couple of months, especially in public. I sometimes worry I'm too harsh on him but I do go by the "logical consequences" approach to discipline so I won't do a random punishment, but try and make it relevant e.g if you keep crashing your car into me I'll have to take the car away, if you don't stop shouting we'll have to stop eating lunch and go home etc. He knows I'll follow through with it so generally as soon as I tell him what the consequences will be he quickly says "sorry mummy!" and stops.

I do worry things will suddenly get worse when he's 3 or 4 as I feel really lucky with him at the moment. He does have a really good verbal understanding, is good at talking in sentences, and seems to be starting to be able to name emotions, so I think this helps as he's able to say things like "I'm sad that nanny gone home" or "I'm angry you tidied toys up mummy!" rather than just screaming or throwing a tantrum.

Don't get me wrong we do have plenty of tantrums but it tends to be at home and is very predictable as it's always when he's overtired.

I think 90% toddler tantrums are caused by tiredness and/or toddler's expectations not being met. Not always possible to avoid these things happening but there are some things you can do to minimise both situations.

My friend made me feel shit earlier this week when we took our 2 year olds out for the day. She couldn't believe how badly behaved dd is and said that she was teaching her ds to be bad because they were basically bouncing off of one another's mischief.

Yes dd is prone to tantrums (more often than not lately) but aren't most toddlers? I feel tearful when we go anywhere now because I feel like people are judging me.

Toddlers are just little, drunk adults. Shouting, throwing food, falling over, singing, dancing and making up words.....

for you

As you asked, my kids were extremely quiet and well behaved in public at 3.
They were on the shy quiet side ( which wasn't always to their advantage) but in public would watch and listen more than be noisy or make trouble.,
Which made shopping trips, eating in restaurants etc very easy.
I can't say they were so quiet and easy at home though..