About who has their own room?

[SouthernNorthernGirl]

My DH and I are not sure what's the fair thing to do here.
We have 2 boys, 1 girl. DS1 is 13yrs, DS2 is 8yrs and DD is nursery age. We have 1 box room, and 1 smallish double room between them.
Currently DS1 has the box room. I think that he needs to swap with DD, and the boys share the double room.

DS1 insists he needs the room to himself. DS2 says he wants to share with DS1 now, not DD. They are all quite close to each other, though recently DD has been waking DD2 up early.
DH says DD won't like to sleep alone (probably true)

To complicate things a bit more, DS1 isnt at school. He has a series of online tutors.
DS2 and DD attend primary / nursery. DS2 is currently under assessment.

What should sleep where?

Same set up at our house, probably same age difference between myself and my older brothers.

They shared the double room and i had the box room from about 3 years old.

Sorry OP, just seen that you don't have a bigger room!

I think the teenager needs his own room too.

Is there any possibility of moving?

"liz70 We are in the living room on a sofa bed."

Oops, scrap that, then, sorry!

I think the eldest should have his own room for as long as possible, at lest another year maybe more. This way only the 8 year old is unhappy. If both boys go in together that means only the 8 yr old is happy and 2 other kids are unhappy. I think a teenager needs their own space a more than anyone else.
Can u put a do as a pp suggests and move a wall or two.? We have done this previously.
put up a plasterboard wall and door, a builder did it for £500 also
Moved electrics.
Also Ime boys of 13 and 8 might kill each other if sharing a room!

Lightupowl Your idea may work. Do you a bunk in the centre, pointing out the middle?

SaltyBitch I hope so! We are currently paying off our debts, then will start saving to move. When that will be though, I don't know. It will have to be a big move though, towards the North. Expensive around here

I think the boys should share. I don't think it's fair to have a situation a few years down the line when a boy and a girl are sharing when one is hitting puberty. Does it become illegal after a certain age? I know there is a rule about boys and girls sharing bedrooms in Local Authority houses after a certain age.

It's not nice for your 13 year old, but not everybody can have their own room growing up. My 3 brothers shared one room, the biggest bedroom. There isn't always a choice.

That's it's awkward. The 13-year-old will be unhappy for obvious reasons, he's at that age and needs his space IMO. However in a couple of years it will be inappropriate for his younger brother to be sharing with his baby sister I can't see your older son being any more willing to share a room at the age of 16/17 if he isn't willing now.

There is nothing illegal about them sharing rooms at at any age/sex.

My two teenage sons share a room. I sold their bunkbed and bought two high sleepers off of gumtree for about £80 all in. We were going to put in some kind of divider to split the room, but once they had their own little area, they were both happy. There are some brilliant ideas on pinterest for splitting rooms, none that i could afford but great ideas to work from.

Chuck up a partition wall in the double to make 2 small single rooms with one access off the other. Not ideal but not too bad either.

When did teenagers have to have their own room? My first boyfriend shared a bedroom with 5 of his brothers. They survived. If the 13 year olds worst experience in life is sharing a room with his brother then he is blessed.

The boys should share.
Yes a teenager should get privacy, but it is not fair on the 8yo DS to be woken up by his sister. Need for sleep trumps need for privacy IMO.

My mum survived sleeping in her parents' room till she was 15, no bathroom, just outdoor toilet in yard, having to get up 5 in winter to start preparing the coal fire etc. etc. We can "survive" a lot of things. That doesn't make them particularly desirable.

liz70 might not be desirable but it is reality. Why should the 8 year old be getting woken up by the little one? He needs his sleep. I have no idea why the 13 year old should be the priority just because he is 13.

From experience, I wouldn't put the 2 boys together. Only you know their issues and why school is difficult, but if there are social problems, putting them together will make your life quite difficult. I think a 13yo stays up a lot later than an 8yo so this will make the 8yo's sleep suffer at that end of the spectrum. Plus ds1 probably needs a space to study at night/ in the evening.

I put my 2 boys together as my dd was 6.5 when we moved house, and getting that bit older so decided it was a good time. It has caused a lot of fighting between them instead of bringing them closer together and they just seem to get on each other's nerves even more than they used to. They are 8 and 11 (6 and 9 when I put them together). Nearly every day I have to put one of them in my room to get changed. And every night ds1 stays up in my room until it's his bedtime and then just goes into bed in their joint room as ds2 is sleeping. The fighting when they are in there at the same time is unbearable.

I would leave things as they are, let your eldest keep his privacy, for a while longer.
Review in 18 months, is my advice. There is a big gap between 13yrs and the 8 year old. The younger children will be fine together for a while longer.

I think in this situation the boys have to share. To the posters that are saying he should keep it for a few years, the lover you leave it, the harder it's going to be!

lightupowl is either a genius or an interior designer!

Have you got a dining room ? I currently sleep in ours to give the two teens their own rooms

Sorry just saw the sofa Bed comment

Put the boys in together. It's nice for dc to have their own room but sometimes it's just not possible. I shared with my sister until I was an adult. My 2 nieces have 7 years between them and they have to share too. At a push you could keep the youngest together for a couple more years but oldest will have to eventually share his room so maybe it's best he gets used to it now.

Poor you. I feel for all three of them and can see all of their points, so I can't imagine how much of a quandry you're in!

How soon do you think you can move? If within a year, two max, I would keep things as they are and then move so they each have their own room.

I'd have the two boys share.

No issue with a teen sharing. I shared with my little sister when I was a teen - she is 10 years younger so bigger gap. Was fine. It would have been odder for my brother to have to share with our sister.

It's fair enough for two boys to share regardless of their ages.