Have nc for this as I'm too embarrassed and worried it's identifying... I have a massive, and totally inappropriate, crush on someone I work with and it's driving me crazy. It's been several weeks now, I can't sleep or eat properly, have lost weight (that I can ill afford), am hyper and think about him ALL the time. It is totally inappropriate for many reasons, main ones being that he is married with kids, as am I and that we work together. Before I get flamed I have absolutely no intention of acting on it, ever - I just want to vent (as I can't in RL) and I need advice on what to do to bring me back to normality!!.
Background: I met him at work a few months ago (we have lots of different projects on the go and work with many different people - it's a v large organisation). I just thought he was a lovely guy initially and although not particularly good looking facially I couldn't help but notice he's in hot shape for his age (mid 40s I'd guess - I'm early 40s). Anyway, it brightened my day but nothing more. We had to meet a few more times over the next few months and it was always a pleasure as I found him sparky and fun (and admittedly easy on the eye), but no more than that. Fast forward to one night where we both attended a symposium type event after work. I arrived there and he sought me out and came over and we chatted, stood together for the presentations and then chatted some more afterwards. There was a small amount of alcohol but it ended early so was by no means a boozy affair. Anyway, I really enjoyed the chat, I find myself feeling really animated when I'm around him, we make each other laugh etc. He's also incredibly bright and everyone wants to work with him, which is also v attractive. Anyway, I found myself thinking about him all the way home. I got the impression he fancied me, although he didn't say or do anything remotely inappropriate - I think you can just tell can't you?. Since that night I have been thinking about him non stop, obsessing about him really. I get giddy when I know I have to meet with him, taking extra care over my appearance etc. I almost have to sit on my hands in meetings as I have a massive overwhelming urge to touch him. He looks at me too, though he is a lovely guy and I'm pretty sure would never do anything. Anyway, after reaching one particularly hard deadline a group of us went to the pub. We chatted as a group and nothing inappropriate at all but moving more towards friends talk than work if you see what I mean. He said that he'd noticed another man looking me up and down and said he thought he was a sleazebag (I didn't notice) but, embarrassingly and inappropriately , I was pleased that he'd noticed that as I felt it made him notice me and that men fancy me ifswim. Gaaaaaaaaaaaah.
It's now got to the point where I'm really excited if I've got a legitimate opportunity to email him or meet with him and I feel like a pathetic teenager. I'm a professional, married woman in my 40s!
Anyway I'm rambling on. What I really want to know is how do I stop myself from feeling like this? I must admit I've enjoyed it up to a point as it's made me feel alive and I've enjoyed the daydreaming, but I fear if it carries on I'll make a fool of myself..... To add context I have 2 small children and a busy husband who gives me no attention and pretty much no emotional support. He's a good man but there's no spark at the moment and I often feel he's distant. We hardly ever have sex as we're both tired and our sleeping arrangements are complicated with 2 small children who co sleep. One night recently though I did instigate it (logistically quite difficult for various reasons and also quite unexpected by him I think atm...) as I was so pent up I just needed a shag!!. Is that awful???
Oh god I don't know what to do. I guess I'm unreasonable but I really don't think I can help biology and I never set out to fancy him, it just happened. The tough thing is that I don't think it's just physical, I admire him and think he's a lovely guy too and has lots of the qualities that I feel my husband lacks. Nothing will ever happen, even if my marriage did end (which I hope it won't) as he belongs to someone else and I'd never do that to another woman, so I'm not U in that sense, but my god it needs to stop!! Does this happen to anyone else or am I am a massive hormonal, mid life crisis crazy woman..??!
Help!!!