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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think if my husband could get hold of a gun he may do the same

135 replies

Thefishewife · 17/11/2016 13:28

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3943864/Alabama-father-shot-dead-daughter-s-sexual-abuser-sentenced-40-years-jail.html

Killing is wrong however I can't say if my husband had the acesss to guns they do in the us he wouldn't do the same I saw how he reacted when our 16 year old was attacked last he grabbed a hammer and went looking for the guys

I couldn't say with all honesty if one of our daughters was sexually abused he wouldn't kill the and I am ashamed to say I might let him 😳🙁

I just being honest he did need to be punished but I think 40 years since to long if that's not provacation don't know what is

I just don't think you would be thinking clearly of something like that happened

OP posts:
GinIsIn · 17/11/2016 13:54

I think that speaks to the kind of dads you must know - I don't know anyone who would murder someone, abuser or not!

And if I thought it was something that my DH would do, I wouldn't be married to him!

One crime doesn't absolve another, and being the cause of someone's death wouldn't help us or my family is it was one of our children.

Also, if someone abused my daughter then no way would I want to give them the easy way out - I'd want them to sit in a prison cell for as long as humanly possible, not give them a quick exit!

TooTooCarMoon · 17/11/2016 13:55

If anyone hurt my child, I would absolutely want to hurt them back - but I wouldn't. It achieves nothing, and in this case, the daughter has now lost her father; the one supposed to protecting her.

It's senseless. Yes, we have to put our faith in a justice system that often fails the victim, but taking someone else's life is NEVER, EVER a solution. I was stunned by the number of people on the Trump election threads who were 'praying' for an assassination. I loathe the guy, but I don't want him dead.

griffinsss · 17/11/2016 13:55

Also a prime example of why gun control is so necessary. If we aren't going to teach men that violence isn't the answer to pain, then we need to make it more difficult for them to turn violence into cold blooded murder - surely?

ifeeltheneedtheneedforspeed · 17/11/2016 13:59

Those posters saying leave it to the justice system, have you actually read the article? The abuser served just 27 MONTHS for the rape of a toddler through to when she was a young child. Really is that justice?? If that was your child would you be content with that sentence?
Yes the father should be punished but 40 years is too long.
I'm with you totally OP, if my husband was left in a room with someone who had abused our child, the abuser wouldn't come out in one piece.

Leanback · 17/11/2016 13:59

A dad who does this isn't doing it to help his daughter. It's entirely about themselves and their own feelings. 100%.

BitOutOfPractice · 17/11/2016 14:02

While I absolutely don't condone violence or murder (obviously!) I'm always amazed that this doesn't happen more often

BitOutOfPractice · 17/11/2016 14:03

I do remember this case in Germany

NickyEds · 17/11/2016 14:04

If someone abused my dd I would want them hung, drawn and quartered. I could do it myself. That's why it's inappropriate to have the parents of abused children/ bereaved parents decide on the punishment for such crimes- we have a criminal justice system to do it.

He murdered someone. He had to go to prison.

GabsAlot · 17/11/2016 14:05

cant condone any murder-maybe he should have just beat him up but hes no better really

stitchglitched · 17/11/2016 14:07

40 years is much too long. 27 months for the sexual abuse of a 4 year old that went on for 4 years is much too short, I can't imagine how awful it would be to know that the man who did that to your baby was walking the streets. I don't condone murder but I can absolutely understand why they may have felt the justice system had let them down. He won't rape any more toddlers now will he.

KayTee87 · 17/11/2016 14:09

I'm 'fiercer' than my husband and if someone hurt my baby I can't honestly say that I might not try to tear them apart with my bare hands.... saying that I'd hope my husband would stop me and make me see sense.

Costacoffeeplease · 17/11/2016 14:11

I hope your husband, and you, are grateful to live in a country where guns aren't readily available, if he can't control himself to that degree

Obviously the abuser is despicable, but we have a criminal justice system for exactly this situation. We're not a lawless, mob rule, vigilante society

Gileswithachainsaw · 17/11/2016 14:12

Murder is murder I guess.

However when someone gets such a teeny sentence fir something so terrible I do understand why someone would want to take matters into their own hands.

That poor girl has lost her life to the abuse and he would have served more fir stealing a car or holding up a shop at knife point even if no one was physically hurt.

The sentence was a joke.

PupPupBoogie · 17/11/2016 14:14

going and shooting him 10 years after he was released from prison isnt a sudden act with provocation. its just premeditated murder.

Foxysoxy01 · 17/11/2016 14:15

OP your husbands a twat! Taking a hammer out to find a group people is a real dickish move!

If he actually had found the group then they would have either used it on your husband, husband would of ended up using it on one of the group and killing someone or he would have stood there looking like a dick holding a hammer (that he took to look like a hard guy) with no intention of using it while the group laughed at him.
How very pathetic.

As for the sexual abuser, he needed help. The father has ruined 3 lives which with time and professional care could have been mended.
The moment he took a gun with him to hunt down the abuser he knew what he was going to do (or he wouldn't have taken it in the first place knowing how provocative the situation would be) so it is pre meditated murder.

ShebaShimmyShake · 17/11/2016 14:17

You want to live in a world without trials, where anyone can appoint themselves judge, jury and executioner (literally) as they personally see fit?

RockyBird · 17/11/2016 14:17

You don't know until you're in the situation.

If I wanted someone hurt (can't imagine it) I'd pay a professional to do the dirty work.

ArmySal · 17/11/2016 14:19

Awful all round. I'd probably want to kill him, but would never be able to go through with it.

He deserves a prison sentence for murder.

LurkingHusband · 17/11/2016 14:20

This is a solid example of why we need to teach men that aggression and violence isn't the answer to being hurt.

Casual sexism ?

Why just "men" ? There are plenty of women who would happily have pulled the trigger.

We all need to agree that violence is not the answer.

CBA to read the original story, but I assume it was the perpetrator who was killed, not someone mistaken for them ? And that no bystanders were put at risk, or traumatised by witnessing it ?

Murder is murder - regardless of who the victim is.

formerbabe · 17/11/2016 14:23

He killed someone. No matter what the provocation

Murder is murder is murder

Such ridiculous comments! Have you never heard of 'mitigating circumstances'? Not to mention the different degrees of murder? The justice system don't see murder as murder...hence 1st degree murder and 2nd degree murder.

DotForShort · 17/11/2016 14:23

He murdered someone. Of course he should be in prison. He also attempted to kill another man. I would say he sounds like a very dangerous individual indeed.

Vigilante justice should never be applauded. Does the criminal justice system make mistakes? Unquestionably. But that is never an excuse for someone to take the law into his own hands.

sarahnova69 · 17/11/2016 14:24

On top of all the many, many problems with tolerating vigilante justice, one reason many women and girls don't report sexual violence against them is because of the fear that the men in their lives will go out and dispense violence to the perpetrators.

If my H had gone after the man who assaulted me, I wouldn't feel "protected"; I'd feel that a man I trusted had now turned out to be violent too, and that I was surrounded by violence and fear on all sides.

"Protecting" your daughter in this way isn't about her, it's about you. It's a selfish act, not a supportive one.

BearsDontDigOnDancing · 17/11/2016 14:29

In this case I am not sure, the guy who abused his daughter admitted it in 2002 and served (an admittedly pitifully short) time. The abuse was 15 years ago. Does not lesson the severity of the abuse, however, there is probably an element of premeditation about it.

There was a similar-ish case a few years ago, when a man walked into a barn and caught a man in the act of molesting his daughter, the Dad beat the man to death, no charges brought against him in that case as under Texas state law, deadly force is authorized and justified to stop a sexual assault, and from all accounts the dad actually tried to save the mans life once he actually became aware of what he had done. It is all about intent.. In this case the dad did not mean to kill a guy, he caught him doing something to his daughter and just reacted - only realising the severity of what he had done after. The guy in the OP, went out with the intent of killing someone, or actually 2 someones since he shot at another guy on the way.

However, 40 years does seem too long, and 27 months of an already short 5 year sentence for abusing a child is far far too short.

TheWrathFromHighAtopTheThing · 17/11/2016 14:29

formerbabe but if you intend to kill the person, it's still murder.

Taking a gun round their house is pretty clear intent.

iloveeverykindofcat · 17/11/2016 14:29

Murder is murder - regardless of who the victim is.*

Exactly. It's not about who was killed, it's about the killing. Individuals cannot be allowed to decide who deserves to die (nor should the state, but that's another matter). For instance, some people who believe that whalers and those who captain whaling ships deserve to die.

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