PIL wish to take DD on holiday but during term time - AIBU to refuse?

[Cyclebird]

PIL have asked if they can take DS and his cousin to US to see other family members. We have said yes, lovely, thank you but not during school time. We have given them the dates for half term and Easter hols next year. FIL keeps texting me with flight dates during term time. DD has never missed any school days for holidays, he's now in year 6. At a push DH and I have agreed he could miss two days either side of a school holiday if this helped with flight bookings. DH sister is happy for her child (cousin) to miss school (also year 6). I feel we look like the baddies. DD does not know a trip is on the cards. AWBU to insist upon travel during (predominantly) the school holidays?

As a teacher I think it's fine for students to miss small amounts of formal schooling for opportunities like this. And I am not the parent so I think it's none of my business either way in all honesty. But I draw the line at catching them up afterwards. If parents choose to remove their kids from school for holidays and those kids fail, it's on them. I just wish the government would see reason on this issue and accept that missing a week or so of school isn't the end of the world and doesn't constitute not being educated.

Thank you all for your thoughts. At present they are not interested in going in the summer term - only looking at next term (too hot in the summer months). I appreciate after SATS may be better but the school put on a lot during the "fluff" weeks including a residential which he's already excited about. It's a state school. I feel that if he is to miss a week of school for a holiday I'd rather he spent it with us - probably a bit selfish . Also, PIL took an older grandchild on similar trip previously, which was over a half term - and they last visited US relatives during summer holidays just gone when they could have travelled at any time of the year - money is not too much of an issue. I thought about offering to pay the difference in flights for DS but is that getting a bit ridiculous??

I'd let him go. As others have said, although it's not ideal, it is better to go while he's still in primary school rather than taking time off from secondary school (as long as the dates don't clash with SATS).
I would make it clear to the grandparents that they'll be liable for any fines for unauthorised absence from the LEA though, as the dates are their choice and not yours.

It drives me mad when people dismiss primary education. Year 6 especially is really important- don't let them go in term-time before mid-May. After that and before transition days they do bugger all. DO NOT ask the teachers for special work! They have more than enough to do without special prep for your son.

Tbh I've noticed flight increases alone (so not including hotels etc) be anything up to 600 pounds,
if thats even just 300 for 5 people thats a bloody huge increase.

very sorry baby in arms, I pressed enter too soon.
I'd either let them go in term time or say DD can't go especially if she doesn't know of the trip, because expecting them to foot such a big price increase across the board is very U

I would let go.

It's not high school and really primary isn't that huge a deal to miss a short time.

Not really point of thread i know, but dd or ds?

Thank you.

This has made planning any term time holidays easier. After May 12 OK.

Probably won't do anything as it sounds like kids love end of primary school.

What is fluff?

Ask school for a weeks worth of school work Please don't do this. Teachers are on their knees workload wise, please don't add to it.

Exactly! In face, our HT makes very clear that no work is to be given to children out on Unauthorised Absences.

I'm a teacher and people do this to me all the time. I don't mind at all, but it does wind me up a bit when they don't actually do any of it! So, don't do it then. And I jolly well would mind doing it! It takes ages to set anything of value. If parents are that concerned about what their child is missing, they might perhaps consider not removing them from school during term time.

Octopus: Yep! Not my job to compensate for holiday absence by setting work. That's the job of the parents.

dont you get fined for taking them out during term time or has that changed

I'd let him go for sure, it's a big deal.

I wouldn't let mine miss a week of school at any age. School is non-negotiable in my eyes.

We don't do SATS at our school so now 11+ tests are over it's still learning but with lots of fluff. Year 6 is last year of being able to run stupidly round playground without having to look cool. I am anti term time holidays but can't see the harm in year 6 but depends if the SATS are when they are planning to go.

I'd let them take them when it suited them. Missing some of Year 6 is not the end of the world. They'll remember this trip with their grandparents forever, you can't put a price on somethings in life.

I'd give anything to have my Dad still alive & taking the kids on holiday. He died young & suddenly - so many things I wish I'd done/let him do.

Thank you all - much food for thought.

It's DS kali - I have a DD too and accidentally typed the wrong thing.

Ah now if you took a child in my class our for two weeks etc next term before sats then I'd be cross... we are covering absolutely loads and they'd definitely miss things.

Yanbu - don't agree to this.

It's not about the days of school they might miss at the age of 10. It's the attitude to education that they pick up on.

"It's OK to miss a few days for a holiday" at age 10 in 2017
-teaches the 13 year old that it's OK to not pay attention in class because it's not that important in 2020
-teaches the 15 year old in 2022 that it's OK to skip days of school here and there to hang out with mates

Stick to your guns. School is important. There are 11 weeks a year for other stuff.

I wouldn't let my dc miss time before SATs. Their projected grades for GCSE are based on their SATs as far as I've been able to tell.

In our school the time after SATs is a) total fluff and b) hideous as far as behaviour and fall-outs go. So I'd happily let the dc go after. I wouldn't want my dc to miss a residential though.

I couldn't work out why it kept changing, i can't be confused on here
I don't think kids should miss loads of school when they're in the importants years, but a day or two either side as you suggested would be very reasonable, if they have a good abscense record.
I was taken on the odd holiday, pretty sure they was term time and it didn't knock my results. ( i was also made to take work with me )
Fun.

I would look at the time of year, the amount of time being taken off, and whether my child is behind/struggling at school, and make a sensible decision based on this. There are plenty of times during the school year when a lot of time is being wasted--there are other times when it might really inconvenience the class and teacher to miss time. Kids who are already doing fine at school and who do educational activities outside school can usually afford to miss a bit of school without any serious consequences.

I don't really get the "My child has never missed a day of school...!" thing, to be honest? It's not like they will get a medal for this or anything.

how can they predict grades for GCSE when someone is 10/11?! Silly system. Our school doesn't do SATS so guess no predicted grades when he starts senior school next year. I think to predict grades based on SATS is idiotic - how can a handful of tests predict what someone is going to achieve 5 years later?

Really rude to suggest primary education doesn't matter. Have you seen the curriculum these days, and how much of what we all did at secondary is now taught at primary? And year 6 has so much packed into it.

Schools absolutely do base GCSE results on SATs results. It puts the child on a trajectory which is clearly set out.

Ask teacher for a week's work? Yes because of course all we do is hand out work sheets all week. It's not like we actually TEACH or anything.

I would really push the PIL to go for holiday time. OP said it's not a financial issue so I'd be asking why they want it to be term time. They probably have no idea how things are in schools these days.