Not spending the same amount on DCs for Christmas.

[LegoWalker]

I am having to do Christmas on a budget this year and it's going to be pretty tight. I have £200 left for most of the presents and any Christmas food.
So I have planned to only spend around £10 (hopefully less) on DS2 this year as he will be 11 months old so he won't notice at all.
I do however plan to spend more on my 3 older DCs as they are 7,5 and 12.
I do have things to wrap for DS2 as a friend was giving away a couple of old baby toys and kindly gave them to me so I plan to wrap them as his christmas present and then get him some christmas pj's and a bag of chocolate coins.

Ex-MIL called today to tell me what she was planning to do for the DCs Christmas presents. She also asked what I was doing so I told her. She was very upset with me. She told me I was an awful mother as I was treating the DCs so unfairly. I tried to explain but she wouldn't listen to me. She just kept telling me that when DS2 get older he will realise that I favoured the other DCs and I'm not trying hard enough and should have saved more or tried to work more to afford enough presents for everyone.

I feel so guilty anyway as none of the DCs are going to have many presents this year. But I really can't afford much more and this seemed like the solution but she is right its really unfair on DS2.

I have no idea what the solution is now, AIBU to not spend equal amounts on all the DCs?

Yanbu. She should save her venom for her son who isn't getting DC anything.

So she's blaming you for not trying hard enough, not working hard enough and not saving enough? What a bitch. Considering that it's her son who's responsible for the financial dire straits you find yourself in, then she's got a ruddy cheek.

They are her grandchildren and she isn't even getting them a little present each to open on Christmas morning, even though she knows how little money you have? That's horrible.

Oh and the money in savings accounts that she controls - in the future I can see that being something she uses as a lever...

11 month olds won't remember and would probably be happy with a cardboard box.

I didn't buy any presents for my youngest until he was 3 I just wrapped up toys that his brother had had previously- he was quite happy and none the wiser.

Now they are 15&18 and I don't price match - they tell me what they want and I get it. Sometimes the amounts are small, sometimes big, but rarely the same. They don't care what things cost as long as it's off their list!

Just a lovely Christmas with a small tree and lots of sparkles and happiness from your other DCs. Christingle? Carols? And possibly ignore Ex-MIL as you should have done? Seems simple.

Thank you for your replies, I will try not to worry about it so much.
I just want Christmas to be good for the DCs this year.
We have a little tree from a charity shop and I plan to have the DCs make decorations for it so that's something.
I also managed to get two hatchimals for the middle two (a massive thank you to mumsnet for posting about them being this must have toy so I managed to get them early on) so they will at least have their main presents on their lists off Santa.

I think granny putting money away for them and not even a small present is souless and joyless and as for her tight arsed son pffft maybe ex mil should be bending his ear.

What a horrible situation to be in, you're doing a great job, I really wish I could help.my ds is an adult now so there is nothing left that I could donate to you. I have memories of Christmas after I'd split from xh. Like you, very little money, we had a very happy house though, and the dcs didn't seem to mind. I wish I could help. Start a go fund me page, I'd happily donate to your cause

YANBU.

My dc are 6 and 8 and we're due dc3 in May - so next Xmas, they'll be 9, 7 and 7 months.

The similar two get the same spent on them (ish) and they're into very similar things anyway. But no way will we be spending the same amount on the baby! Baby toys are bloody massive...I can't wait to spend my £30 and have a few huge square boxes to wrap for number 3 tbh, it's going to be a piece of cake compared to buying for older dc.

The older two not similar two

They don't understand cost when they're little anyway. I've spent £25 on my ds's main present and £100 on my dd's. They will both love their presents and will not know the price difference!
Second hand is often fab too! We bought a little tykes playhouse second hand one year second hand and it has been played with constantly.
Ignore your MIL she is being ridiculous.

I don't spend the same on my children who are older. They always get a 'big' present each and a few small ones. I try not to make it unfair, so if one has a £100 phone, the other might have a £100ish gift, but some years someone needs a laptop, they get that and the other doesn't get the same money. This year we are quite skint so it won't be possible to price-match and my two just don't seem interested in what others have got, only what they have got!

YANBU I have two little ones one is nearly two the other will be six months at Christmas. I will not be spending the same on the youngest as he really will have no idea what's going on. Ignore your ex- mother in law, what a stupid woman!

Oh, I don't know OP. My first Christmas I was nearly a year old and my mother splashed out on my three elder siblings but I clearly remember that all my presents came to 49p less than theirs!! I went NC from that day onwards. It still hurts me to think about it.

No, seriously your ExMIL is either an idiot or is pretending to be. She was certainly nasty to you and I hope you disregard her judgy ramblings. Fwiw I think you sound very organized and your DC will have a great Christmas.