to ask how to deal with boastful DC

[butteryjacketspud]

DS is 12, I guess a lot of it is normal for his age but it is getting me down as just having a normal conversation with him is getting so hard.

Example this evening - he had been in a history lesson today and was interested and engaged so all is good.
DS - 'hey mum, is is true soldiers used to live down in the trenches?'
Me - 'yes, they did, must have been horrible for them.'
DS - 'why?'
Me - 'oh well, it was muddy, it was cold, rats ...'
DS - 'rats? I wouldn't have rats, I'd kick them, I'd kick the stupid rats. I could, couldn't I, mum?'

I know it's a bad example but honestly every conversation we have turns into how great he is and how stupid everyone else is. A similar conversation after an English lesson was about how quickly he'd have got his gas mask out, he'd have ran away from the gas.

Does anyone else have this? And AIBU to be fucked off with it?

I'm a primary school teacher and can relate to this so much.

A few years back there was something on gmtv about kids going off with strangers so we were asked to do a couple of lessons on it. Most frustrating lessons I've ever taught.

Of course they'd take sweets from a stranger because if someone tried to take them, they'd just kick them in the nuts.
Go and see someone's new puppy - why not? If they locked you in their house, you'd just smash your way back out - Obviously. Honestly, I don't think I got through to a single one of them!

My dd is 8 so not at this stage yet so I can only talk from my experience. She likes that she's the best horse rider in the school. This is a new status for her as an older girl from her riding school moved to secondary in September. We talk about her being better at some things and other children being better at something else and we talk about examples. I think she's just looking for validation and her place in the world. I think it's important was all can be proud of something we are really good at. Is that what your son is searching for? Validation perhaps?

Wolves

What age were they? My dd at 8 isn't like this at all. Perhaps I should say isn't like this yet.

Your examples make me think he's actually a pretty worried and insecure child underneath, who props himself up with grandiose statements.

All the things you mention are him verbally reassuring himself that he is not vulnerable

I imagine it's fairly common in boys undergoing puberty

Does he really lack empathy, or is it just a temporary self-obsession?

Also, it sounds as if when he says this, you try to teach him (I know, I do it myself). He's a teen, so rejecting your world-view may also be something he needs to do at the moment. So the more you correct him, the more entrenched he becomes.

Smile and wave. Try not to worry.

Lastly, IME of two teen boys - his friends will probably think he's "a bit of a dick", but tolerate him nonetheless.

Perhaps as other posters have suggested, it would be good to give him context re: war comment. It may not be appropriate for him, but to look at something like pioneering plastic surgery during the war is quite a stark reminder of what these people went through. Imperial War Museum is great as well.
I agree, it can get irritating if it's in every conversation and perhaps he believes he can do this, in more abstract terms, because he doesn't fully appreciate how difficult some of these situations are/ were.
Definite age group thing as well!

My ASD 8 year old is like this. It's a symptom of his anxiety about things he has no control over, I think.

My 8 year old DD says things like this OP. Is your son quite immature?

Mummy it was year 5 although I perhaps should have mentioned that it was all boys. I'm not sure if it makes a difference or not!

Fooland

I wondered about that.

My ds has ASD too. I've never really thought of it as being related but possibly makes sense that it does but otoh he often lacks self esteem.

Thanks wolves. Dd is yr 4. She's far too scared to go with anyone. Not anything I've done or said as far as I'm aware btw. She was frightened wouldn't get out of the car last week because she couldn't see me and it was dark. I was standing next to the drivers door waiting. More often than not I open the door like a true personal 24/7 chauffeur called "mummy". So normal service has resumed .

I'd enrol him in something physical, like an Outward Bound course. He could gain skills and perhaps more confidence in himself.

I agree with other posters. He's looking for validation that he would be able to cope where others failed/died. I think it's bluster.