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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask how to deal with boastful DC

64 replies

butteryjacketspud · 15/11/2016 18:26

DS is 12, I guess a lot of it is normal for his age but it is getting me down as just having a normal conversation with him is getting so hard.

Example this evening - he had been in a history lesson today and was interested and engaged so all is good.
DS - 'hey mum, is is true soldiers used to live down in the trenches?'
Me - 'yes, they did, must have been horrible for them.'
DS - 'why?'
Me - 'oh well, it was muddy, it was cold, rats ...'
DS - 'rats? I wouldn't have rats, I'd kick them, I'd kick the stupid rats. I could, couldn't I, mum?'

I know it's a bad example but honestly every conversation we have turns into how great he is and how stupid everyone else is. A similar conversation after an English lesson was about how quickly he'd have got his gas mask out, he'd have ran away from the gas.

Does anyone else have this? And AIBU to be fucked off with it?

OP posts:

Sciurus83 · 15/11/2016 20:34

OP is your son Donald Trump?!

Original poster

butteryjacketspud · 15/11/2016 20:36

I might casually drop that in- 'you know who you sound like?'

OP posts:

TheNoodlesIncident · 15/11/2016 20:43

It does sound just like bluster, especially with his asking you for validation, like cherryblossom said.

What would actually happen if you said something like "Why yes you would! You'd have all those thousands of rats running for cover!"? Would he look happy? Satisfied? Amused?

littleme2016 · 15/11/2016 20:54

I have an 11 yr old nephew and he is exactly like this! Starting to give opinions and develop a bit of self confidence. Even if those opinions aren't always rational!

As minnymoobear said we just try to switch off from it.

It will pass!

pipsqueak25 · 15/11/2016 21:32

some people never grow out of this, as they grow up to be so called adults, there is an expression for them on mn - 'knobs'

AmeliaJack · 15/11/2016 21:39

I don't actually think it's harmless really. If he's speaking that way at school he's unlikely to win many friends. I'd be worried it showed rather a lack of empathy.

Re your example I be asking him if he could run away from trench foot and mortar shells. I'd be taking him to the library to get some books out.

And in general I'd be challenging ridiculous statements like "I'd just run away from mustard gas"

derxa · 15/11/2016 21:56

Macbeth? Well, he'd just tell Lady M to shut her cake hole. Hamlet? Kill his stepdad. Merchant of Venice? Tell Shylock he's a tool. On and on and on!
Well I know I'm not being very sympathetic but that made me cry with laughter. And how has he got through so many of Shakespeare's works already?
I used to teach OP and I remember a Y6 boy just like this. He was the greatest footballer who ever lived (tbf he was a good goalie). He was very bright and prone to hyperbole. It will pass other kids will get fed up with it

Jellybean83 · 15/11/2016 22:18

My DS (7) is like this, he will argue with me he can outrun a car/motorbike/bus. He thinks if he is the 'best swimmer' so if he falls in water he can just keep swimming to land (poor kid is a shit swimmer, can't co-ordinate his arms and legs. He's stayed at the same level for the past year, every other kid he started with has moved up).

Most worryingly he thinks he can out fight and out run a stranger if they lured him to a car with the pretence of seeing some puppies, so would happily take the risk and go with said stranger. This is making me so scared that I'm constantly giving him a stranger danger talk and really not wanting to give him any freedom.

BestMammyEver · 16/11/2016 06:17

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

sterlingcooper · 16/11/2016 06:58

Interesting thread. My DSS isn't boastful exactly, but he always has to be right, and he will argue his (often completely plain wrong) position until the cows come home. It's pretty annoying, so it's helpful to see so many other people saying this type of thing is totally normal for that age.

I am still unsure though whether it should be indulged (as it is related to needing self confidence), ignored, dealt with with rational/logical discussion, or berated? Seems to be a mix of opinions on this thread...

gunsandbanjos · 16/11/2016 07:12

My 12 year old told me last night she's smarter than most people.

Thank goodness this is just a phase, but I agree it's incredibly irritating.

She's also never wrong...

Grumpyoldblonde · 16/11/2016 08:15

I often think my daughter should be running the country at age 12, being as she knows it all
My almost 50 years on this planet count for nothing at the moment.
Normal but tiresome. The thing that really gets on my nerves is if she asks me the time and I reply "ten to 5" she will reply "actually it's seven minutes to five" all smartarsey.

goldierocks · 16/11/2016 08:47

Hi OP....my wonderful, funny, clever DS was exactly the same between the ages of 10-14. It was hilarious, hearing how he would fight 'all the bad guys' single handed, when in fact he was too shy to hand money to cashiers after shopping!

He's 16 now...he cringes at some of the things he used to say and we have a giggle about them!

claraschu · 16/11/2016 08:57

None of my kids did that. I probably would have been annoyed by it and shut them down... I wonder if I have undermined their confidence .

I have noticed far younger children doing something similar but less sophisticated (I am the best at hockey in the whole world type statements), but usually as a cry for attention from an insecure 8 year old.

sparklewater · 16/11/2016 10:20

My DD does this (just turned 6). Everything is a competition and she thinks she's best at everything - or at least says she does. Ridiculous example - trying to catch raindrops on our tongues: "I got 25 in one go." Also insists she can swim but is terrible and just sinks. Etc etc

Part of it is bluster, part confidence and part looking for assurance I think. If I ask her to do a sum she'll shout "easy, easy, that's SO easy" to buy herself time to figure it out. And at teachers evening the other day they said if she does go wrong in class she just freezes and shuts down :(

We're trying to find ways to let her fail safely so she knows she doesn't need to be the best at everything :)

Fortnum · 16/11/2016 10:55

i have a 9 year old son who is the same, he corrects his 7 year old sister, his mother and me ! He doesn't grasp that as a 38 year old Man with 20 years of work, military service included , i might possibly have more of an idea about certain subjects than a 9 year old ! and it pisses me off no end, especially as he isn't correct most of the time !

I haven't solved this problem as yet and am interested to see how others deal with it !

BathshebaDarkstone · 16/11/2016 11:05

I pulled onto a quiet stretch of road, braked, and asked him if he'd like to get out and walk.

Brilliant!

Missingthesea · 16/11/2016 11:10

My 9 year is constantly "correcting" me when I'm talking to my friends.

I used to do this. I couldn't understand why my mother got so annoyed with me, because i genuinely thought I was being really helpful

claraschu · 16/11/2016 11:44

“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”

― Mark Twain

derxa · 16/11/2016 18:14

but he always has to be right, and he will argue his (often completely plain wrong) position until the cows come home. It's pretty annoying
It sounds like many 'discussions' on MN. Of course I am always right.

sterlingcooper · 17/11/2016 06:12

Hehe derxa, good point. But even the most ardent mumsnetter would have trouble arguing some of DSS's points. It's stuff like

'DSS remember when we went to Spain on holiday last year, well...' '

'it wasn't last year it was 2 years ago'

'no it was last year' '

'no it was 2 years ago, I'm positive'

'no it was last year, look here at my diary and remember it must have been last year because blah and blah'

'no it was 2 years ago...'

...it's not malicious or at all aggressive, it's just like he HAS to disagree and then refuse to give into reason even in the face of objective truth!

Scarydinosaurs · 17/11/2016 06:20

I once taught a boy who ascertained those that died in 9/11 were stupid because HE would have jumped from one building to the next to escape. 😒

He was sixteen.

Yup it's frustrating, I wouldn't even know where to begin with putting a stop to it, though.

PlumsGalore · 17/11/2016 06:31

My son used to do this, I am sure he was doing it to a lesser extent until he started work, how he was going straight into a graduate job, how he would use his skills learnt at uni to do this and that. A year into his job, a few tellings off and he is far more humble and has finally matured past it

Do men ever really grow out of it though? Isn't that why they command more income and rise higher in the workplace? Because so many of them just talk bullshit?

Disclaimer only a bit lighthearted.

GreatFuckability · 17/11/2016 06:33

I cant relate to this at all. My dd is 13, and really does know everything and is never ever wrong. For example, she DID eat her packed lunch yesterday, despite the fact the full container of pasta salad was sitting right in front of me because OBVIOUSLY its magic pasta that replenishes itself. . So no, I don't get it at all...

Zoflorabore · 17/11/2016 06:36

My 13 yr old told his friends ( when he was in year 7 ) that his dad drove an £80,000 Audi and his grandads were both millionaires. Oh lord.
How embarrassing when exp rocked up to parents evening in a ford focus

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