To be upset DP's mum didn't invite us to her wedding?

[IsthisMummy]

Dp and mum have a rocky relationship. She threw him out of house when he was 17 and extremely vulnerable. They've been trying to rebuild relationship in last year or so though.

DP found out last month (via facebook) that mum had married her long term fiance a few days previously!! DP downplayed it, saying it was probably a lunch break, guest free, registry office do.

However they came to visit us at weekend, and the new husband revealed (via showing us the photos) that it was actually in a very nice venue with 12 guests (including my DP's little brother) They all went out for a fancy restaurant meal afterwards as well.

Now I know the rule is that you invite whoever you choose to your wedding, but aibu to be upset about it? It just seems so cold and odd not to invite your own son to your wedding! She also didn't invite her middle son. I've been really trying to encourage DP's relationship with mum up until now, and this feels like a real smack in the face.

I really don't know what to think now

[M1ssunderstood]

The first time I met her she asked us to hurry up giving her a grandchild and to make it a girl if possible!!

This! Who says this to someone they have just met? If you were to have a baby and it was a boy would he be "discarded" too? People like your DP's mum have zero empathy and are unable to self reflect. Great if she makes it up with her son but actions speak louder than words.

[TheCakes]

My children's dad got married in the summer and didn't invite them.

[SangtheSun]

I've experienced 3 people "encouraging" relationships between members of families they married into.

In each case they refused to listen to the person who had distanced them self from the toxic person, thinking they knew better.

In no case did it go well. In one case their active meddling ( not saying you meddle, at all op) actually caused lasting damage and complete nc.

[IsthisMummy]

That's awful TheCakes. Your poor dc😢

M1ssunderstood. I did think it was a really bizarre comment regarding female grandchild. She also said she didn't think she would ever be a grandmother. A weird thing to say given she has three sons and the eldest isn't even halfway through his twenties yet!

I'll definitely be stepping back from now SangTheSun. I think dp and I will concentrate on our own family for now, even if it does currently just consist of a cat and a dog!

[Aeroflotgirl]

This is not nice, especially when he and his mum are trying to build a relationship. This would be a dealbreaker, and would make me think less of her. He should not expect too much from her, and expect to be disappointed.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Reading more of your posts, it would be better for your partners well being, if he had no more contact with her.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

YANBU to be upset given that it's a real smack in the face for your DP, but from the rest of your posts, I would say it was pretty much inevitable.

And the "new" DH clearly has no feelings for or about your DP or his younger brother, as he had no compunction in allowing them to be thrown out of their home, or to be ignored for the wedding AND then had the cheek to show him the wedding photos, how very fucking rude and rubbing his nose in it!

All in all, I'd say stop trying with them, and leave your DP to make his own mind up about whether or not he wants to bother - if he asks your opinion, say if it were you, you wouldn't any more, since they clearly don't give a shit about him but it's up to him.

So sorry your DP and his younger brother have such a shit mum. :(

And yes, keep any grandchildren WELL away from her.

[Jiggl]

Talk to your DP. Tell him that you were wrong to encourage a relationship between them and you understand better now why he keeps an emotional distance. And disengage from them.

You and DP and furbabies are a family. If in the future you decide to add to your family with tiny humans then do that. But this obsession of her wanting a granddaughter is a bit iffy, and I would not be letting her anywhere near any potential DC to damage the way she did with her own boys. Chances are in 4 or 5 years you'll see the youngest brother chucked out too. She has form.

[IsthisMummy]

I have often wondered myself if the youngest son will be out on his ear once he goes from young and cute to troublesome teen!

Thumbwitchesabroad. I was astonished at the photos. I actually made noises about how nice they were. I was just so gobsmacked at the whole thing!

We are actually trying to ttc atm and both have fertility issues. After this I've made it clear I don't want dp mum to know anything.

Both dp and his younger brother are such cute, lovely looking and sweet young men as well. Some women just don't know how lucky they are😢

[JustSpeakSense]

She threw her teenagers out of the house. She chose herself over them. She will continue to do this, do not have anything more to do with this woman she is poison you do not need her in your life. Cut ties now, it will be easier before you have a child.

[Aeroflotgirl]

I agree, she is not interested in a relationship with your dh, she sounds extremely toxic. I would withdraw and encourage your dh to, it will save the hurt in the future.

[Giveusawobble]

If there is no reason to stay where you are is be upping sticks and moving near your family, show him and your future children the real meaning.

[IsthisMummy]

I think withdrawing as much as possible will be the order of the day. Fortunately they don't live especially close to us.

She also made a big show of sending her food back and asking for a refund on it in a pub I'd recommended in the same visit. I was so embarrassed, but she just asked me if I had the hump and made a parting shot about it being "only some food" when they left our flat later on"

The more I type the more I'm disliking her actually

Giveusawobble. My own family are far from the Walton's either unfortunately. Although dp's mum still definitely wins the worst parent prize.