Not so exciting at Christmas due to small family

[Dorsetmum18]

Wondering if there are others out there who are not totally excited about Christmas because you dont have a huge family all meeting up ?!

I love Christmas but have no siblings and so my kids have no cousins, i would love to have a few siblings and all get together with loads of kids just for noise and even for arguments but just normal for us really, me DH and our two kids. They are excited but I guess I just feel sad sometimes that I don't have loads of family to plan visits too, it just seems so much more Christmassy ! This does not help when watching typical festive movies which often shows noisy huge families having fun and games !

Or am I just going doolally ?! Would love to know its not just me feeling sorry for myself......

Can you see friends?

As children we had no cousins or family and so spent Christmas with another local family who also had no other relatives. In fact, we still do it now 30 odd years later even though we are all grown and live around the world. Everyone meets up and brings their own children. We've created our own family.

in 2007, my dear father passed away on 3rd December. My mother decided she wanted to spend christmas alone, eating baked beans on toast! the family were horrified and in the end persuaded her to stay at my house, we made her a stocking and filled it with little gifts at the end of her bed, she ate lunch with us and enjoyed it as best she could but she left soon after lunch to go home and be with her cat. She has since said that she really doesn't mind being alone at christmas, she enjoys the telly and her home comforts (and cat!) I can see the attraction to be honest, she used to live in the same road as me and we spent lots of time with her on an almost daily basis so to her christmas day was a day to be selfish and enjoy her own company. There is no right or wrong way to spend christmas, just make the most of whoever you spend it with.

My dad was an only child but he had many cousins and told me he had lots of fond memories of a houseful of family, playing cards etc at christmas.

x

My kids don't have any cousins either, and there are a lot of single adults in the family. I know what you mean, the idea of a chaotic bustling houseful with excited kids charging about is very appealing and I feel sad sometimes that we'll never have that.
But then ask my two and they'd rather stay home at Christmas, open presents and play with said presents!

I am from a small family of 4. We had cousins but they lived 2+ hours away so christmas was always just us four. I loved it and have nothing but happy memories of lovely small family christmasses and traditions.

I now have my own family of 4 but my DH is one of 4 siblings, each with their own 2 children apiece. Christmas at the in laws is chaotic and a bit of a nightmare really. I'd rather be at home and have my parents with us but his folks are more elderly so it makes sense to go there this year.

I'll be itching to get back to my own home come boxing day!

We've had small Christmases almost every year - there have been a few where we have had some family to stay, or been to stay with them, but the vast majority have been me, dh and the three dses - and I love it like that.

We have our own family traditions, that we all enjoy (and that don't cause me huge amounts of stress in the planning), eat a meal we all enjoy, watch things we like, and maybe play a game. And we don't have the stress of the children (and us) having to be on our best behaviour for company all the time.

As others have said, you can make the day exactly what you want it to be - and what suits your family. I have to say, I love the sound of MovingOnUp's christmas dinner of cheese straws and pigs in blankets - much easier than the whole roast!

I do do a roast dinner on Christmas day, but I have got it down to a fine art, and it isn't hugely stressful now - and we do all enjoy it, so it's worth the effort - but once Christmas dinner is over, I go down the easy, lazy option. Boxing day is always cold gammon with baked potatoes and coleslaw, and the next day is something easy with the left over goose.

This year my mum, sister and brother in law are arriving on Boxing day, so we are going to have to be on our best behaviour, and I am already stressing about feeding them - mum likes things VERY plain, and dsis and dbil have very high standards, and like interesting and tasty food - and I have to find meals that are plain and undemanding for mum, but enjoyable and interesting for everyone else. Arggggggggh.

I love Christmas with just the four of us. We visit family some years, but I think it's nicest when we get to stay in our own cosy house, just us, and nest peacefully for the day.

I get you OP. It's just me and DH. It was kind of nice the first few years but now it's apparent we won't ever have a family of our own it feels very empty. I crave the big family thing. I'd love to have a house full for Xmas dinner. I've found myself getting all choked up when I've been looking at all the Christmas stuff in the supermarkets this year for some reason. I keep trying to get excited but I just feel very flat & sad.

That said I suppose as people have said up thread the reality often isn't a house full of family all loved up & having fun like the adverts. When push comes to shove, given my toxic family/ILS, I'd rather be on my own with DH. I guess everybody's Christmas looks different and it isn't always the manufactured version we see pushed by the media and shops.

I grew up in a very small family (parents each had one much older sibling therefore we had much older cousins) and never ever felt we missed out or Christmas was lacking and even now, it's me, DB and parents....I love Christmas! We have a lovely couple of days enjoying Christmas and each other's company, veg out, eat delicious food and just have a lovely time.

I have friends with huge family's who hate family Christmas because it's just too busy.

There's no point feeling sad over something you don't have when you still have the perfect opportunity for a wonderful Christmas x

I phoned my friend from work, she couldn't chat as she had 14 family members in her home

If you cant afford to go away right then at xmas why not have something to look forward too in January when its miserable?

I know what people mean, it pains me when I hear people say on here stuff like
" oh its not about presents we cant catch our breath with all the cousins, aunts and uncles and friends etc"

my dc have not one single cousin, and unlikely too now. we are also very thin on the ground with family and the family we do see on DH side - are very quiet and mils attitude of " arnt I great I got us the cheapest xmas" makes me feel miserable, it for us - as is one day where do spend a bit more and get the nicer smoked salmon, it makes me feel guilty, there is no music....so its kinda not worth going really.

one dc is too young still to really enjoy being with its still very much hard work young child trial stage...

Having said that op, it only takes one person to lift the mood. You need to get creative! Games, really silly games where everyone makes fool of themselves ( eg tissue box game) get nice food, perhaps lunch or dinner out somewhere? something different.

TBH we do tend to have a lovely day without the extra stress of DH family r my relatives.

So much fuss is made over one day! I've had both busy family Xmas and small ones.
The busy family get together were great but only because we saw each other regular though out the year, at least monthly, usually weekly
Spending time with people on one day cos its Christmas isn't fun.

We had adults visiting the house on Christmas morning (neighbours and work colleagues of DPs), but otherwise it was just our nuclear family (2 parents and 6 DCs). I know DH's experience is different as there are wider family close by who visit after the lunch.

Now that we are a family ourselves, we have done some Christmases where we visited both families (only 20 minutes apart, while we live 2.5 hours away), and some where we stayed at home (even before DD arrived). When we visit, we almost always rent a cottage to have a "home base" to retreat to and host a gathering ourselves.

The years we stay at home, we go to Mass in the morning, have a few duty visits to make (mostly adults in all houses due to timing) and then get home. We get the turkey going, light the fire, cook up some nibbles to keep us going, and settle in to opening presents and relaxing.

After dinner, we tend to have some sort of game as a family.

But as our lives are just soooo unbelievably hectic, it is great to get a day where we can actually relax completely. We've played charades, cards, board games, watched particular movies we want to together etc. We all work together on the meal (DD has always been a part of that, in between playing), and actually take our time to sit and chat over the table.

Don't buy into the hype of a large happy gathering as what everyone has. The years we have gone home, we've often had huge stresses involved, usually caused by others - including screaming matches between adults who have all drank far too much or phonecalls dropping bombs. Yes, we've had happy ones too - but you never can tell in advance which it will be. There is rarely a chance for games and the like in either house. There is often an atmosphere in one or both which is not particularly festive.

I am looking forward to a year when I can close a door on the world on Christmas Eve (open it again to go to mass (probably Midnight Mass) and then come straight home again) to a warm fire, nice food, a nice glass of wine and a good book while having some good music (seasonal but choral, orchestral and country rather than "Festive Favourites" cheesiness from the radio). Maybe, when I am widowed and in my 80s I will get that....

(Yes, that last is slightly tongue in cheek - but also a very real desire for peace at some point, whether Christmas or some other time).

I come from a large family, but they're all in Oz! It's just DH, me and DTDs for Xmas at chez Degust this year (not enough room at in laws..) and I'm looking forward to eating exactly what we want, staying in a warm cozy house and watching Xmas telly, building Lego...etc...

We have a reasonably sized family but coats of flights and limited annual leave mean we don't often get home for Christmas.

This year and last year, we've booked local holidays (within 4 hours flight), with a specific big 'thing' on Christmas day.

We've had friends who are in similar situations over in the past too and I've cooked, that was fun.

I understand all views but agree, the idealisation of big family Christmases can go too far.

I'm lucky I have dh and 3 children but I have to say Christmases got even better since I became estranged from my dysfunctional family. No more weeks of dread and anxiety leading up to a Christmas of thinly veiled tension, racist and sexist remarks and big, blow-up rows.

We are near and close to dh family and we do spend Christmas with them on various days and in various formats but never all together on the one day. Just too many people and my idea of he'll is cooking and entertaining for large numbers. Why is this seen as the ideal?

I like time to appreciate my children and their presents. Cuddle up to dh with a glass of fizz. Watch a Christmas film. Chill out.

My MIL has hosted large numbers and she is just stressed and teary the whole day. I know she can't fully enjoy it because she puts so much pressure on herself to do everything home made and perfect. That tension radiates though, setting others on edge and feeling guilty.

It's just us on Christmas day and I can't wait. We will host just ILs on Boxing day, when there are left overs and it's easier.

Yes, the year round is so busy, I'll be damned if I'm going to spend Christmas being a catering, laundering service!

I think theres a difference between having the day to yourselves when its just you and the kids and choosing not to seeing extended family, having a cosy day in.....or having no family to see whatsoever and having nothing but days to yourself, then Christmas day just seems lonelier than usual.

I have a big extented family and they are bloody awful at Christmas! Moan about how much they hate it, drink, row and generally make life a bloody misery. So for years it has just been myself, DH and our two DDs. We love it! DH works very hard and Christmas is wonderful because the phones stop ringing and the outside world goes away for a whole week! We eat lots of yummy food, go for long walks with our dogs, watch endless movies, etc. We love it. Every year on FB I see people being driven crazy by extended family. I agree with others, Christmas is what you make of it.

Exactly SSD - for us there's no family trips to the panto/skating/christmas market, no one coming to the nativity play, and no seasonal walks or whatever. Apart from boxing day (we'll turn up when everyone else comes back from the pub, eat dinner and go) it'll be me, dh, ds like always.

OP, just me, husband and daughter 7 year old, this year, our choice staying in hotel Christmas eve - Boxing day, booked local country pub for Christmas dinner, all 3 of us dressing up, can not wait :)

I have done Christmas for 6 people for the past 7 years, thought this year I am putting my feet up and someone else can cook :)

for sad and any others that need them. I hate to think of people feeling sad at Christmas..
I know that one day, the older generation may not be around, DS may be busy and it will be just me and DH at Christmas. I don't think I will be as excited then. If we're still fairly fit and healthy and finances are ok I hope we will go away somewhere or invite some friends round to spend the day.
If I were on my own and still of working age I might volunteer, I'm a dentist and I believe Crisis at Christmas are often on the lookout.

I think you just have to remember that whether you have one person or thirty, you are so fortunate.

I do feel sorry for people who are completely on their own at Christmas, but you're not! You have your DH and kids - what could be cosier? Since when have TV adverts reflected real life? For every big family enjoying the fun and frolics there are probably 10 others chomping at the bit to escape their 'nearest and dearest' and longing to have a quiet, stress free day. The grass is always greener....

Aww just quickly thank you all SO SO much, i am stunned and quite emotional about all the replies, really appreciate you taking the time to chat, it has lifted my mood, just nice to know i'm not alone in my thoughts.

I should have replied earlier i kept getting emails to say i had a reply but when it came up it just showed the same first replies. I was confused, had NO idea there were 4 pages to read ! 😂😂😂😂. So only just seen them all, how funny, im so a newbie at this. So love all the replies ❤️

Anyway some replies are spot on and i want to reply to some individually which i will work out how to do, even though someone has kindly already told me, i have a thumping headache and should really be in bed but had to read all the replies. Thank you so much each and everyone of you, such valid comments and ideas.

And to those couple that did try to put my point across to the one 'negative' poster, thank you. I had read that and thought it a bit unfair, i know i am not badly off and so lucky to have what i have but i was just tying to explain how i felt, ive always wanted a huge family and we do always have a lovely christmas with the 4 of us but someone said it right when they said its just like another Sunday lunch, so true. DH not the most sociable so happy not to have people round as he will prob doze off mid afternoon so then me and the kids who are all quite sociable will do what we normally do !! Lol.

Some said about the media adverts and i think you are so right, that bloody morrisons advert is it ?! Kids walking with presents in the snow to the car and they all go off to someones house, all happy family loads of gorgeous grub piled up everyone looking glam and then lets play trivial pursuit ?! I guess i would love that type of christmas - its their fault !! 😡😆😂. It also bugs me how it goes on for months, get very angry when xmas chat starts in sept im bored of it by november, it never used to be like this and totally ruins it! One friend has already wrapped pressies & decorated ffs grrr

And to those who are really alone or just feeling similar to me, how nice if we could all meet up and have a giant do somewhere lol ! Nightmare to organise but would be fun and for any kids. Big hugs to you all and thanks again, i will def reply to some in the next few days if i ever work it out! Night

hope you had a good sleep and your heads feeling better

I just want to say that I am from a family of 5 kids but only 2 of us have kids now, my ds is 11, my nephew is well into his 30's and his son is 18. Back story, since my dad passed away, 20 years ago, the 'family' xmas sort of died and until I met DH my xmas day was spent driving to visit my mum in a nursing home, no xmas dinner for me, I often spent the morning and evening on my own.
Sadly my mum died shortly after I met DH and now we have xmas day with me, DH and DS and we visit sister on boxing day. To be honest, we have a lovely lazy day, I had never made xmas dinner till we had DS and now I wouldn't change it for the world. I hear people talking about having half the family over for xmas dinner and I shudder, I really do. I would love to have my mum and dad back but life is what it is and I actually like our 'little' xmas.
P/s the adverts are crap and meant to make us all feel bad if we don't go out and buy all the stuff that apparently makes a wonderful xmas - xmas is what you make of it - we make it a lovely cosy, just us, family day