Not so exciting at Christmas due to small family

[Dorsetmum18]

Wondering if there are others out there who are not totally excited about Christmas because you dont have a huge family all meeting up ?!

I love Christmas but have no siblings and so my kids have no cousins, i would love to have a few siblings and all get together with loads of kids just for noise and even for arguments but just normal for us really, me DH and our two kids. They are excited but I guess I just feel sad sometimes that I don't have loads of family to plan visits too, it just seems so much more Christmassy ! This does not help when watching typical festive movies which often shows noisy huge families having fun and games !

Or am I just going doolally ?! Would love to know its not just me feeling sorry for myself......

Believe me, having a big family isn't the idyllic Christmas movie situation that you imagine it to be...

Spending Christmas with difficult family members, chewing your face off so not to argue with the usual instigator of arguments every time the family gets together. Overwhelming noise. People everywhere. Not being able to move without losing your seat. Having to eat Christmas lunch in separate rooms because there are so many of you that you can't all fit in one room, let alone at one table.
Rows, rows and more rows.
Someone ends up crying and it ruins it all.
You get pissed off at the noise/sitting on the floor.

And no, it's not party games a charades. It's the same as everyone else's Christmas - open gifts then one big anticlimax with a meal in the middle then everyone falls asleep while the Xmas film is on.

And some poor fucker gets lumbered with the shit ton of washing up - usually one of the girls because the menfolk are far too busy downing lager and being lazy shites.

Let's face it, Christmas is one big anti climax and I don't understand why we all fall for the idea of an exciting DH and 'perfect' Christmas.

Am hoiking up my big girl pants because this year I'm going to be on my own. No DCs, no family, split up with STBXH a couple of months ago. I've decided to get my favourite food and alcohol in and spend the day on the sofa with my duvet. It's just one day.

I get you Op will just be us and dd here, sometimes we go out for Christmas lunch as I find it depressing cooking for just 3

We lived abroad for a lot of our kids childhoods and often had very very quiet xmas's. The kids are adults now and still maintain they had the best xmas's ever.

When I was young we had huge family Christmasses and they were great. My gran always invited friends and neighbours who would otherwise be alone to join in as well, so there would be at least 20 of us most years. I used to think that was how Christmas should always be.

But as people move away, die, split up etc, it's got smaller and smaller and is now just me and my two teens - has been for about 9 years (they've not been teens for 9 years, obviously!). But, we have a fab time! One DC loves it so much, he wears his Christmas jumpers all year round, and is already eagerly planning our day and gathering music for a party playlist, while the other is going to help with the cooking for the first time this year, and we always have a laugh when we cook together. Might even let him have a drop of the chef's wine...

It is whatever you make it, and these 'small' Christmasses are just as enjoyable as the bigger ones. If you're having fun with people you love then it doesn't matter how many of you there are. My DC have begged me never to change Christmas - they want the same food and the same songs and the same traditions forever!

But one day they will grow up and make their own traditions in their own homes and they'll love that too. Just make the most of it; it doesn't need to be exciting, just full of love and free of fighting and your children will remember it forever .

Bottle. That's a bit unfair. It's not a competition as to who has it worse and the OP was hardly saying it was the end of the world just that she sometimes feels a bit sad about it and isnt totally excited

Christmases wax and wane dorset.

I don't look forward to the family xmas at SILs. Can't wait to get back home in fact. None of us can.

Your DC will look back at their Christmases with deep nostalgia. And when they start inviting their girlfriends/boyfriends for the day, it will change again.

Depends on the sibling and family. Mine are toxic - brother, sil, mother. Dh and I are going to my cousins house this year. It will be a relief not to spend it with my mother. Dh hates doing it with her so much so that he insists we have other family members join us to dilute her. That works well but it's lots of work and I'm pretty poorly. We don't have brother and sil for Christmas Day because they've been truly awful to me in the past. Sil constantly bitches to me about mother, brother joins in. I can't describe how truly awful the Christmas was with them at mother's house a few years ago. Sil ended up screaming at mother about how she made her feel when she'd been lazy and unhelpful and I'd done almost all the work despite being chronically ill. Mother can be pretty awful but she's actually far nice to sil than to me. Brother ended up pushing me over because I said he should explain to my child that they were leaving as she'd be confused as to why her cousin had gone.

If that ever happened again, I would call 999. I'm sick of the threats of violence from him. He'll punch me etc. That particular threat was when I was staying at mother's house for a couple of days so dd could see grandma and grandpa and I wasn't helping much because I was so ill at the time I couldn't stand up. As I wasn't pulling my weight in her house, I deserved to be punched because my illness is all in my head apparently.

Honestly, truthfully, the reality can be so much worse than the fantasy. Even the sibling rivalry. This isn't normal sibling rivalry. It never was. His treatment of me even as a child wasn't normal. I was a rag doll to be pushed and pulled around, to be prevented from leaving the room and called vile and demeaning names.

To say that he wasn't prepared for my birth is an understatement. I've had years of counselling to get away from the mindset that I'm the most horrible person in the world.

This is a middle class family btw with good jobs and educated to a high level etc. It sounds so chavvy when you write it down.

My husband and I actually chose to have christmas just the two of us last year as it's not restful having to finish work at 5 on 24th dec arrive late a parents after a long drive, be not in your own bed and then travel back a few days later. This year we'll have our first child by then and I look forwards to Christmases the three of us at home!

I completely understand how you feel OP, and I am one of the lucky ones with 3 kids and a husband. It would be lovely to feel that there is a large community around us, and other people who care about my kids. All 4 grandparents and my brother are dead, and my sister isn't interested, and I am an expat.

I don't think it is fair to be cross with the OP for being a bit disappointed with her lot when she is clearly luckier than many others. People feel sad and lonely even though other people might be more sad and lonely than they are. In fact, when I feel sad and lonely, it NEVER makes me feel better to think: "Actually I shouldn't be sad and lonely because there are people dealing with infertility, people being bombed, people starving, etc". No, thinking about that always makes me feel worse.

Having a big family can be very tiring. I have the largest house in the family so by default everyone descends on me. So far I have 12 "definites" for Xmas lunch, and I'm sure over the next few weeks there will be several phonecalls along the lines of "Okay if we come to you this Xmas?"
Whilst it is lovely its an organisational nightmare and extremely tiring and expensive

Keep an eye on chat and AIBU and you will see loads of threads from people trying to avoid or deal with big family get togethers. it's just the three of us and I intend to relax and enjoy it.

I wish ads would stop with the big, perfect family Christmas bollocks.

It's Christmas for everyone who celebrates it, including people on their own, in small families, couples, etc.

It would be great to have a Christmas ad showing someone enjoying a bottle of champagne, a film, a bubble bath in the middle of the day, a curry, no sprouts, no arguments, no crap gifts.

That's the reality for lots of people and it shouldn't be seen as some tragedy that makes people without a big happy extended family feel somehow 'less than'.

I feel bit the same OP, I love Christmas but the family has got smaller over the last few years. I want the 'Christmas advert' day but it's just a fantasy. so, we will have a quiet peaceful day, lots of films, nice food and drink, crib service and lots of chocolate. It will be lovely but yes I miss having a lot of people around the table. I am well aware that lots of people are dreading Christmas, are alone or have horrid families, or no money or are newly separated/bereaved but I feel rather nostalgic for my noisy, chaotic Christmas past.

I have never understood people who say this. I have always had a small family. I had lovely xmas as a child. When it was just me and DP for xmas, we had lovely relaxed days, and now with 4 of us we have enjoyable xmas. Is it because people have the idea of a Disney xmas in their head?

When it was just DP and I, we used to exchange presents in bed, get up late, go for a walk, have a relaxed Xmas lunch, watch some TV while drinking champagne, and then an early snuggly night. It was a lovely day.

I think many people spend christmas in smaller groups and we're pushed this idea of a huge happy family gathering by advertising and the media generally. A family is a family no matter how small it is.

We do have a largish family but we're not always together and there was one year where it was just me and DH - we drank a bottle of champagne at breakfast and ate dinner in the evening - we had duck.

I think if you've never had a massive family around at Christmas then you may have this idealised idea of what a big family Christmas is like.

We don't have a massive family - DH and I have one sibling each but we live a long way from either of them. We very rarely spend Christmas with them but have a couple of times and it's hell. Too many adults squabbling over how to cook the turkey, granny whingeing in the corner because the kids are making a noise and she wants to see the Queen's speech, kids getting fraught and tired because they've been up since 4am, arguments, too much booze, disagreements over everything from when to eat to what to wear.

It's really not the idealised movie Christmas scene the OP expects. We MUCH prefer to be at home, just us and the kids, everyone in their own beds and having a chilled family day.

Christmas when I was growing up was just me, my parents and my two siblings. Siblings are much older than me so it wasn't long before they weren't there either. I LOVED Christmas, it was always really magical and I've never missed huge throngs of people tbh. Mum was always so happy and relaxed around Christmas, and created such a lovely atmosphere. Honestly, I don't regret not having loads of extended family round at all.

Now, we do have family around (although not many cousins) so we do see people on Christmas day but Christmas Eve is our day just the four of us (me, DH, DD and DS) and it is easily my favourite day.

I agree with you OP.
I have known as a child big gatherings for christmas with the whole family. I have also known christmas with just my parents (I am an onlly child too).
And no its not the same.

Nowdays, we always try and spend christmas with my parents or PIL because, for me, thats what christmas is about. A celebration of family and a time to spend time together. I would feel very weird to only be us (DH, dcs and me).

We had the big family Christmas the year before with all of my brother and his then wife and her family along with our mum, it was bloody awful. Ex SIL and brother had a huge booze filled argument over her family and her ex. I ended up being UN peacekeeper, this aint the first Christmas they've had a falling out I wonder why they're divorced

Then there was the fact my brother's SIL got completely wasted before lunch was even served and begging my underage DD for alcohol before spilling tea over herself. All throughout the day we had to watch a total fool over herself by dancing on tables and singing terribly.

This isn't even mentioning the Christmases that I had to endure with my dickhead of my other brother and bitch of a SIL.

Much looking forward to having Christmas with my best friend this year!

You have four people. That's three more than a lot of people!

It'll be what you make it. Maybe go to a lot of effort to do early festive things and fake the excitement until you've got it?

Four is plenty big enough, I can promise that.

I'm one of 5, and to be honest I'd prefer to go away for Christmas sometimes, it's all a bit much as it always gets a bit frazzled.....

I agree that the ads can piss you right off. Long tables groaning with festive fare with big jolly family all crammed round. Mind you, ads are always aimed at the host - that means an awful lot of people are not buying or cooking any food at all, just turning up.

We have a very small Christmas now, and it does make me feel a bit when bil and sil trill about their "full house" and not having a spare minute over Christmas.

On the plus side, I am always high fiving to myself at Christmas/New Year that we don't have to make duty visits to family a five-hour drive away. The thought of driving to Scunthorpe or Welwyn Garden City on 27th December or taking granny back to Royston on the 29th is a MEGA plus point for having no family!

I felt a bit like you the one year it was just dh and I and the kids... but it was the best Christmas ever!

All the stupid traditions and the ridiculously excessive present orgy my mother insists on - didn't bother.

Labour instensive Christmas dinner? Also didn't bother and just ate M&S preprepared trays of pigs in blankets, stuffing and cheese straws and we drank what we wanted (not bloody Bucks Fizz!). Chocolate pudding and ice cream instead of Christmas pudding nobody except me likes.

I did the Xmas pjs on Christmas Eve for everyone without my mother anyone interfering and producing extra special second pairs of pyjamas . We put them on and stayed in them until Boxing Day.

No extra stocking was produced for children and no randomly made up clashing traditions to be accommodated.

It was so relaxed and so much fun just pleasing ourselves. No faff about loading the car up and driving any where or sorting out put up beds and complicated bathroom requirements.

We're doing it again this year. Can't wait!