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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To suspect my nanny is drugging my child?

314 replies

Bambooshoot · 13/11/2016 22:29

I have a nanny for my son who is now eighteen months old, she has been with us since he was ten months old. I recently noticed that the level of the emergency bottle of Calpol had gone down dramatically and I know we have not given him any. I put a mark on the bottle to see if it would go down any further, and sure enough, it has. She is the only other person in the house. Is it possible for Calpol to evaporate over time, or is she giving it to him and not telling me/writing it in the book? If so, would IBU to sack her on the spot for endangering his health, in that we could have come home from work and given him another dose without realising? I suppose she could be taking it herself, at a stretch - I just think this is a pretty serious allegation and I don't want to upset the relationship by suggesting she is giving it to him if it can just dry up anyway?

OP posts:
Olympiathequeen · 14/11/2016 11:13

Calpol doesn't evaporate and there are adults who take it as they can't take tablets, but at least she should,have told you. Could be she's given it for teething, but again you have a system she has let you down on.

It is a serious issue as trust is important.

comoneileen · 14/11/2016 11:18

I know it is not easy to breach but as others have said, just say:" I have noticed that the Calpol has gone down. Neither me or DH have used it, have you given any to DS?" .
You can also remind her that she is required to record any medicine given and ask parental permission.
Then it is up to you to decide if you want to give her a chance to mend her ways; or if the trust is gone and you want to dismiss her. You are the employer so that decision is yours.

eddielizzard · 14/11/2016 11:25

if the calpol has a lid tightly closed i can't see how it could evaporate? Confused

i would ask her in a non-egressive, non-confrontational way whether she's needed to use the calpol because you see it's nearly finished. there may be a reasonable explanation.

if she has been giving it your ds i would feel it's a breach of trust and certainly give her a warning at the bare minimum.

eddielizzard · 14/11/2016 11:25

egressive? aggressive!

corythatwas · 14/11/2016 11:25

I have known people who would try Calpol as the first resort as soon as a child woke in the night or seemed grumpy in the day, so I don't think it's beyond the realms of plausibility. Not likely to be very good for the child, and I would definitely want a record.

WickedGirl · 14/11/2016 11:33

Did you ask your nanny?

What did she say?

brasty · 14/11/2016 11:52

She could have let another nanny use it for their child. Just talk to her.

TheViceOfReason · 14/11/2016 12:37

Why can't you just say "I noticed the calpol is running down - have you been worried about insertdearlittlecherubsnamehere"

Why does it need to turn into a big production? Just ask a simple question.

OutragedKoala · 14/11/2016 12:43

theviceofreason exactly! But then where is the drama? Hmm

Mummyme1987 · 14/11/2016 13:06

If you take the calpol away, what does the nanny give if the child has pain?

NavyandWhite · 14/11/2016 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lunde · 14/11/2016 13:15

As the employer you need to speak to the nanny and hear her side and not just guess at what might have happened and get worked up.

You have no clue at the moment whether it has been given to the child, taken by an adult or just spilt (speaking as someone who once knocked over the bottle and spilt around half of it).

You need to deal with it as a proper employer-employee matter.

WindInThePussyWillows · 14/11/2016 13:24

I love calpol and gave myself a cheeky spoonful when my babies had it for their jabs. Ask her.

CreepyPasta · 14/11/2016 13:35

Calpol should not be sold over the counter. It gives people the false impression that it is

Really?? Imagine how much that would increase the waiting times/pressure on already overburdened GP surgerys.

OP, as others have already said, just ask her.

MerryMarigold · 14/11/2016 13:42

I imagine she didn't want to 'upset' you and tell you that she'd given him Calpol as it sounds like you're a bit precious totally paranoid about it.

If Calpol causes liver, heart and kidney failure, I should be dead by now, having grown up abroad and been treated with all sorts of very strong medication as a child for malaria and amoebic dysentery, several times a year minimum. We are very over privileged in this country, and 2.5cm of Calpol in however long is not going to give anyone heart failure.

MauiWest · 14/11/2016 13:44

Really?? Imagine how much that would increase the waiting times/pressure on already overburdened GP surgerys.

I appreciate that. My point was that Calpol is giving away like a treat or a sweet. Read the advices on mums forum:
Go for jabs: give calpol beforehand. (No. give it after if the child needs it. He might not)
Child has a runny nose: give calpol, he will sleep better (!)
Child crying: give calpol.

It's horrific. I am not against giving medication when needed, but too many people have not got the faintest idea that paracetamol is not inoffensive. You can add a bitter taste to a grown up medicine to ensure adult don't drink it for fun, but you can't do that for a baby's medicine.

MauiWest · 14/11/2016 13:44

*calpol is given away...

MauiWest · 14/11/2016 13:46

MerryMarigold

if your point is that it is ok to give medication to children who do not need it, I cannot ever agree with you. If nothing else, it is more effective if you are not become used to take a weekly dose.

mya83 · 14/11/2016 13:54

Op have you asked her about it? Hope everything works out ok for you

hazell42 · 14/11/2016 13:58

Endangering his health? Give over!
My toddler daughter once drank a whole bottle. No harm done. Rushed her to hospital. They were completely uninterested.
Maybe your child was a bit fractious, she gave him a tspoon of calpol but neglected to mention it because she didn't want to have to go through the rigmarole of getting permission first. If you pay her top whack presumably she is qualified and responsible. Can't you trust to give out a spoon or two of calpol on her own?
And she can't be giving him that much, anyway. Some was used legitimately, then you noticed some missing, then you marked the bottle and then it went down some more. Not exactly overdosing him, is she?

MerryMarigold · 14/11/2016 14:01

No, my point is not to give it to children that don't need it. But likewise don't withhold it from a crying child 'because it will lead to heart failure'. I know some parents who, in my opinion, are way too 'careful' giving with Calpol and that includes a child screaming with pain because of teething because 'they don't have a fever'. I think we can get overly paranoid about it, and people with a tendency to control freakery will jump on things and then use it to deny children a little bit of harmless pain relief.

NavyandWhite · 14/11/2016 14:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pregnantat50 · 14/11/2016 14:07

I would remove the bottle and hide another one somewhere so she has to contact you to access it. If your son is unwell she would need to call you and then you can either tell her where the other one is hidden or not, but that way you would be aware if she was using it, alternatively CCTV :)

minipie · 14/11/2016 14:10

She ought to be telling you if she gives him medication.

Not so much because of health/danger reasons (agree you need to know about how many doses he's had, but don't think 2 doses would be any danger), but more because if she thought he was miserable enough or ill enough to need it, then surely you'd want to know that.

Have you asked her about it? What has she said?

What have you said to her about giving him Calpol/medication in the past?

pregnantat50 · 14/11/2016 14:10

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/general_health/159881-possibly-urgent-kids-have-been-swilling-calpol-what-to-do

This thread is on a similar topic. There is an A&E nurse that has commented on it,

Hope all is well though OP. X