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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To suspect my nanny is drugging my child?

314 replies

Bambooshoot · 13/11/2016 22:29

I have a nanny for my son who is now eighteen months old, she has been with us since he was ten months old. I recently noticed that the level of the emergency bottle of Calpol had gone down dramatically and I know we have not given him any. I put a mark on the bottle to see if it would go down any further, and sure enough, it has. She is the only other person in the house. Is it possible for Calpol to evaporate over time, or is she giving it to him and not telling me/writing it in the book? If so, would IBU to sack her on the spot for endangering his health, in that we could have come home from work and given him another dose without realising? I suppose she could be taking it herself, at a stretch - I just think this is a pretty serious allegation and I don't want to upset the relationship by suggesting she is giving it to him if it can just dry up anyway?

OP posts:
OutragedKoala · 14/11/2016 14:14

pregnant if she does that the next post will be AIBU to expect the nanny I am
Paying top dollar too to take some
Initiative - some people can't be pleased. You clearly don't like or trust the nanny so forget about this relationship. Fire her and enjoy the lawsuit for wrongful dismissal

AChristmasCactus · 14/11/2016 14:16

This is all a bit weird, marking bottles and so on. I would have asked her on the spot, as opposed to running around like a spy in my own house and posting on MN.

If she's giving your child unnecessary medication then you need to know what she's done in case baby needs medical attention. If there's no record of quantities given, you have no idea if an OD has occurred.

winterisnigh · 14/11/2016 14:20

Actually it's not JUST Calpol. Overuse of paracetamol over time can lead to a build-up in the child's organs

This.

Amummyatlast · 14/11/2016 14:36

OutragedKoala - where does the OP says she intends to give no notice or do one of the other handful of actions that could lead to a wrongful dismissal claim?

I completed understand why the OP put 'drugging' in the title. There is a misconception that Calpol acts as I sedative and I know people who gave calpol at the first sign of any fractious behaviour. I think the OP is right to be concerned about the possibility of this.

OldBootNewBoots · 14/11/2016 14:43

calpol certainly improves grumpy behaviour, and one DD used to go out like a light when she had it. Op, my nanny would NEVER give my DD medication without telling me. YANBU that this is a red flag, and it's not a one off if most of the bottle has gone. I'd ask her but if there wasn't a really plausible explanation I was happy with I'd be seeking alternative childcare, just because I wouldn't take the risk, if I'm being honest.

Msqueen33 · 14/11/2016 14:44

What made you mark the bottle in the first place? I think you need to remind her to write down any medication in the book. If you've got no other issues then I'd not be worried. I've spilt meds before. Even the one with the syringe and I've pulled the top off with the syringe out cue much cursing when it goes all over me. It does happen.

Marking the bottle does suggest you don't trust her.

pseudonymph · 14/11/2016 14:56

Bamboo When I was a child I loved Calpol and I figured out to undo the child-proof lid and take a swig from the bottle without my parents knowing. I can't remember exactly what age I was, but it would have been under 6. Just to add to your list of possible scenarios.

pseudonymph · 14/11/2016 14:58

Sorry - just noticed your son is 18 months old. Okay, that is probably not relevant then. Still, delicious stuff. I'd probably drink it now if I had a bottle handy.

MauiWest · 14/11/2016 15:14

don't withhold it from a crying child 'because it will lead to heart failure

I didn't mean that, I give Calpol to my kids. I am just horrified by the amount of people who give it thinking it's as harmless as a bit of chocolate. It's not. Its a medicine, and should only be given when absolutely needed.

Cguk81 · 14/11/2016 15:15

I'm surprised at some comments here which say you are overreacting OP. I think it's definitely concerning if your nanny has been giving your child medication without your consent. Fair enough if it's just once or twice and she has forgotten to ask you first but it seems odd to forget to ask or tell you afterwards on all occasions. An 18 month old is still on a small dose of calpol. I'm assuming the bottle had gone down quite considerably for you to notice in the first place and has since gone down further since you marked it. All that would add up to more than just one or two doses. I think it needs to be addressed with her pretty quickly

comoneileen · 14/11/2016 15:24

Bambooshoot Are you going to speak to your childminder?

intravenouscoffee · 14/11/2016 15:39

My guess would be that your DS has been grumpy/crying on a few occasions and the nanny has given calpol just in case he's in pain. I can see the logic but I wouldn't personally give calpol to an otherwise healthy child 'on the off chance' they're in pain. But that's just me. Possibly your nanny thinks you would take the same view and therefore hasn't told you.

If this were my DS I would be upset too and if I were having other issues, as you have suggested, I'd have to find someone else. I know calpol isn't the same as giving a sedative or similar but I would be very suspicious of someone who gave my child medication and didn't tell me about it.

Bluntness100 · 14/11/2016 15:45

Blimey, I'm clearly in the minority, I thought nothing of giving my daughter a dose of calpol if she was being super grumpy and needed some sleep.

Stopped short at brandy in the milk though. 😂

Just ask the nanny, you don't need to be allJames Bond about it, honestly.

toastytoastbear · 14/11/2016 15:45

unlikely tbh

FockerFun · 14/11/2016 15:48

She marked the bottle after she noticed it going down quick - says so in pp

Ask her

SuperFlyHigh · 14/11/2016 16:00

I personally would be monitoring this as medication used... and expect her to have a record.

If she is overdosing him or using it herself (Hmm) that's no good! It seems as this has been a recent development though has he been more sick to warrant more Calpol lately? And if so why not alert you?

Touchmybum · 14/11/2016 16:01

Sounds to me like nothing would ever be good enough for you OP and I can tell you from experience that NO form of childcare is going to mind your child exactly as you would do it, so some compromise is necessary if you are not going to stay at home.

Maybe your child was teething, maybe she forgot to write it down, maybe she spilled it, maybe she gave it to the dog (which wouldn't be sensible and you don't sound like a 'dog' person) - why not just ask her?? Or stick CCTV in and watch her every move all day?

All it takes is to ask if your baby has been unwell because you notice the Calpol is getting low and you will need to get more. Simple. She is probably terrified to act on her own initiative at this point!

KatharinaRosalie · 14/11/2016 16:03

I have given Calpol if it looks like my child is in pain. She can't speak yet, so of course I can't be 100% sure. And I would be OK if the childminder did the same, of course I don't want DC to suffer - but the important bit is that I should know about it, so I know not to overdose them.

Albadross · 14/11/2016 16:04

Last time we went to A&E we were told that in hospital doctors always try giving a double dose of calpol or ibuprofen if the child is in pain. I thought that was a little odd tbh.

Meadows76 · 14/11/2016 16:15

I'm surprised at some comments here which say you are overreacting OP. I think it's definitely concerning if your nanny has been giving your child medication without your consent. I agree it's concerning. But it IS a massive overreaction to go all 007 on the nanny and consider dismissing her instantly rather than simply ASKING the nanny

squeaver · 14/11/2016 16:40

Someone else has been in the house with a poorly child and the nanny's given it to them.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/11/2016 16:41

Well it'll only help them sleep if what's stopping them sleep is pain. It doesn't make them drowsy or anything. I think that's a popular misconception

And that misconception must be relatively widespread as calpol is definitely being used in certain circles as illustrated by what I read from just that one search.

OldBootNewBoots · 14/11/2016 16:43

i've certainly heard anecdotal stories from people I trust where there's been a strong suspicion that calpol has been over-used to keep children quiet and compliant. It does happen, it's not a myth.

FuzzyOwl · 14/11/2016 16:49

A bottle of Calpol is ten doses for your DS's age and since the. Little was obviously already open as otherwise you would know how much has been used and isn't yet empty, that means she has given him a maximum of eight doses in eight months. The writing it up would bother me, but not the fact she was treating any pain he was in. My DD is 17 months and the time from ten months until now has by far and away been the worst for her in terms of teething plus the awful measles and mumps fever and reaction to the MMR jab she has at 12 months.

Just speak to your nanny.

FuzzyOwl · 14/11/2016 16:51

i've certainly heard anecdotal stories from people I trust where there's been a strong suspicion that calpol has been over-used to keep children quiet and compliant. It does happen, it's not a myth.

I am sure it does happen but Calpol doesn't make a child quiet and compliant unless the issue was pain related. It is a non drowsy or sedating medication and a very weak painkiller.

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