To consider calling social services?

[susie2999]

Just want some views on this situation..long sorry will try and keep it brief as possible..
My dd (9) started new school this September. After initially seeming to settle really well she began crying when I left saying she missed me. We put it down to separation anxiety for a while and the new school. As the weeks went by her anxiety grew and grew. She was crying from the moment she woke up (sometimes in the middle of the night too) and it was horrendous at school. I said to the school on numerous occasions that I felt there was more to her behaviour and asked them to investigate but nothing was done.
After weeks and weeks of this I woke up one night to the sound of her crying. After a lot of coaxing she finally told me that another child at the school asked her to play a game in the woods ( where it seems the kids can play unsupervised). This child asked dd on 3 separate occasions to play a game called hospitals that involved this child asking my dd to touch her (my dd daughter said she wanted my dd to touch her bottom). My dd told the child she didn't like it and didn't want to play it. This child then told my dd not to tell anyone about the 'game'. This child then began asking my dd every morning 'have you told anyone' and started being really nasty.

We are not happy with how the school has handled the whole situation and to cut a long story short have removed her from the school.

I have since found out that this child has done this before (forcibly tried to remove a girls pants) and used threats against the child to stop her telling anyone.

The child who did this to my dd is also new to the school but the mother didn't tell the school about her child's past wanting her to have a 'clean slate'.

The schools handling of this has been woeful and this child is still at the school and in my opinion the other children remain at risk of the same thing happening to them.

The child in question is vulnerable too I think. It has been suggested to me that her behaviour suggests that she has either witnessed abuse or has been abused herself. I'm not interested in throwing anyone under the bus but am I morally obligated to tell anyone about this if the school don't??????

Ginkypig I nominate you for PM!! You talk a lot of sense. Am at a loss with the school - it's shocking that in 2016 a school is so behind the times. They won't admit any liability will they and have said no 'harm' has been done.

Susie - I am so sorry that the school have taken such an inappropriate view of what has happened to your child. It is indeed an intolerable disgrace of the highest order that this has not had effective intervention.
This leaves me wondering exactly why the school has attempted to brush this incident under the carpet. I may be nasty minded but I wonder if something questionable is going on in the school. Surely if the other girl has a history of having done this before, it should have been on her school records, or perhaps schools do not want such things attributed to them or in any way connected to them. Children need to be safe and their schools should be the safest places for children outside of the home.
I hope you get some more suitable actions soon. Think about going to SS and the Police. The school may be hoping that they can put you off from going further.
I hope you and your daughter get help with this asap.

We had something similar if a little more serious (mouth to genital contact) with my DS when both boys were 7. I was clear there had been coercion so reported it immediately I knew to the school who raised it as a safeguarding alert straight away. Two out of the three incidents had happened at the other boy's home, one at school. After that though the school were very slow to act despite my DS's deteriorating mental health and they remained in the same class together for months which angered me and I ended up writing to the Lead Governor asking them to intervene. The whole thing was complicated by the other boy's additional needs. Once the Senco and a different class teacher got involved things did change ie he moved class and was offered a skills/communication group to help him make different friends.
My DS found the SS assessment part hard, not forgetting he was only 7. They interviewed me and his Dad. My DS was seen and asked to do some drawings and complete little pictures that showed how he felt about his main caregivers. I also had some telephone support /counselling from a local organisation that helped child victims of sexual abuse (although I've never been comfortable with calling it that). I won't lie, it was pretty much the most difficult thing I've had to deal with. The whole thing was devastating and two years on there are still consequences.
I wanted to share my experience in case anyone finds it helpful as I certainly did a lot of searching on MN at the time.
I hope you can get the help you need.

Your poor dd. The other girl is also vulnerable and the things she is doing seem like the reenactment abused children sometimes do. It is very sad and I think you should ring ss to investigate what this girl may be going through and to stop more children being affected xxx

Please report this. As a child I recall there was another local child who did things like this to other kids but it wasn't taken seriously. Then one day he took a small child to a local pond, sexually assaulted him and drowned him in the pond. Please report to the relevant authorities.

OP, are you saying that the school is still absolutely refusing to do anything despite the involvement of the NSPCC? Your posts yesterday gave me that impression, apologies if I'm wrong.

Sorry your daughter had to go through this.
There is really no dilemma that I can see, SS are there to help people, and it sounds like this child is very vulnerable. The nastiness around not telling, and the coercion is strongly indicative of abuse. If this was natural curiosity all kids would do it.
You can report anonymously.

thanks susie

To me it's very clear. All the children involved must be looked after and protected above all else. To me it doesn't matter how any of the adults feel or if the situation is difficult for them weather that be parents school ss etc their feeling, worries come second.

Only the children matter!

Obviously that's not aimed at you, I'm very very glad to see a parent such as yourself in the world. If only there were more like you!

Gosh this is a shocking response from the school and as many have said above well done for reporting it to the NSPCC.

We have abused children in the school where I work and we have put strategies such as 1:1 support at lunchtime to ensure everyone is safe. The school were definitely failing here IMO.

Hi susie

Just a quick message to check in. It's been a few days and the adrenaline of the situation will have worn off and you might be feeling a bit low.

So again your doing brilliantly. Feeling low is normal but don't feel bad because your doing great!

If the school really are being as crap as you say, they are failing in their duty of care and need reporting to ofsted or at least the LA. Best wishes to your dd.