Can you be friends with a racist?

[AteRiri]

Is your political view separate from friendships?

[WLF46]

Of course you can be friends with one. Different ideological views, different political views, different religious views, none of these mean that you can't be friends with someone.

The world would be a happier place if we embraced people with different views to our own, rather than try to exclude them and hope that they just go away. People are different, we should embrace and celebrate these differences - life would be very boring if we were all exactly the same.

I would rather be friends with someone who was racist, but otherwise a kind, generous, caring and selfless person, than someone who was not a racist but was a mean, spiteful and vindictive character.

If someone is violently racist, or abuses strangers, that is very different to someone just having racist views. Just as somebody might say they "wanted to murder their ex" - saying these things, thinking these things, is completely different to actually committing such an act.

Also, keep in mind that while racism is not generally accepted at the present time, what is deemed acceptable or unacceptable by a society changes over the years. Racism is out of fashion today, perhaps it will come back? How would you like it to then find yourself shunned due to your own non-racist beliefs? Society changes. Homosexuality was illegal until 1967 (in England and Wales; Scotland until 1980 and Northern Ireland until 1982). Now gay marriage is legal - a huge change in the public mindset in a short period of time.

If you fight discrimination with more discrimination, then you are perpetuating the problem. Fight hatred with love, not more hatred.

[AteRiri]

BarbarianMum

Where did that come from?

Did you even read my posts?

[FameNameGameLame]

Be careful here in your scenarios... thoughts and actions are very different. We should never be afraid to explore our personal thoughts, we should always show restraint in how we carry out actions.

[Oblomov16]

You lost friends over brexit?

1/2 uk voters voted for it.
1/2 us voters voted For trump.

1/2 the population of these 2 countries can't be racist. I wouldn't vote for Trump or Clinton. Brexit is a complex issue.

This is complicated. It's too simplistic to put it down to simply 'racism'.

[BarbarianMum]

Actually, no. Saying these things, thinking them is exactly how these things happen. How they get started. How they were allowed to happen. No-one does these things without thinking them first. Genocide doesn't take place in a vacuum - there is always the tacit belief that "they've got it coming" - it is never just the actions of the few, in isolation from the society in which they live.

[SpeakNoWords]

I'd be happy to be shunned for holding non-racist views tbh, if society shifted (is it doing so currently?). I'm not sure I want to embrace and celebrate people with racist beliefs either. Tolerate whilst trying to educate perhaps.

[BarbarianMum]

[VickyMirdle]

Racism is very much a political viewpoint, it is a worldview epousing how power relations between different groups of humans should be structured. Racial supremacists believe in hierarchy; egalitarians believe in equality. Both are political positions. Politics is about power.

[AteRiri]

BarbarianMum

No, I meant where did you get that I

"you're not sure that's incompatible with your friendship? Do you think he has a point? Would you be OK with him making a start or is it only his personal involvement in their killing that would put you off? FFS"

?

[AteRiri]

BarbarianMum

I don't know how you got the impression that I'm ambivalent. Because what I posted was I now can't stand him.

So please enlighten me.

[DotForShort]

No, sorry, I don't feel the need to "embrace and celebrate" racism.

And I couldn't care less if racism one day becomes acceptable (or more acceptable than it already, depressingly, is). As the great Lillian Hellman once said, "I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions."

[RitchyBestingFace]

Also, hating racists is kind of a form of bigotry in itself, if you dig deep enough.

My. That's literally the most nonsensical thing I have ever read on MN - and there's competition.

You lost friends over brexit? 1/2 uk voters voted for it.
Handily that leaves 30m people. And yes, I can easily believe that 50% of the population are racist.

To answer the OP, no I couldn't be friends with a racist. I cannot bear bigotry and ignorance.

[DotForShort]

My last post was in response to WLF46.

[TheUnworthy]

I'm black so it may cause problems

However I have had to end a friendship recently.

Not because she was racist but because she made friends with an Eastern European man who started attending group outings and made it very obvious that he was racist.

I ignored it for a few months but the last straw was when we all went out, he got drunk and emboldened by the arrival of some of his friends called me a fucking n***r.

[Seekinghelp82]

I have a close family member who is quite outspoken anti homosexual anti immigration etc etc yubknow the type.

I don't agree with any of it yet we have a good relationship and we never discuss the above subjects, we just don't. Other family members will steer conversations that way to initiate debate and confrontation but I'm formlynof the view that it's best avoided.

I can't change someone's views so I choose to ignore them. The person involved when these issues are not remained couldn't be nicer. Sometimes that makes it all the harder to digest but it's the way I've chosen to play it

[TheUnworthy]

Sorry that was meant to be a face not a

[Seekinghelp82]

Mentioned not remained

[BarbarianMum]

Sorry OP if I've misread but you are friends with someone who is advocating (at least in passing) genocide. I am wondering how you get past that in a friendship - most people aren't friends with those whose views they find abhorrent.

If a friend of yours expressed the view that child rape was a good thing, would you stay friends with them? Why is this different?

[Renniehorta]

I don't knowingly know anyone among my friends who I could identify as a racist. We all tend to live in self perpetuating bubbles of opinion. Equally I don't know anyone who admits to having voted Leave. Now this may well be that they know what is acceptable to express and do not go beyond the bounds of what is the norm in our social circle.

However, I find increasingly that I avoid situations where pro Brexit views are shared. Almost invariably such discussions degenerate into attacks on immigrants which I find very upsetting. So I have narrowed further my circle of acquaintances to those who share my view of the world.

I have found that when I have challenged bigoted views, people are very surprised that anyone would not share their views. Again I put this down to people surrounding themselves with likeminded people.

I suspect that far from coming together society risks further splitting apart due to an apartheid between the 2 sides of opinion.

[CanadaMoose]

No. I don't deal in extremist politics, left or right wing, nor would I find discrimination tolerable in a friend.

[Waitingfordolly]

My DF is racist. He threw me out of the house when I was younger for challenging it and I didn't speak to him for two years. He got better for a bit but now he's older and has various health and communication challenges he seems to have got worse again. Homophobic and sexist too.

I couldn't be friends with a racist. A good friend's newish DP said something racist the other day to me - not even of the ignorant kind, really horribly blatant. I'm wondering whether to say anything to her, I have not in a very very long time come across someone my age who would say anything like that, I'm quite shocked.

[SpeakNoWords]

I think she's saying she is friends with him but won't be any more because of his racist and genocidal views.

[BarbarianMum]

Then I've misunderstood and I apologise OP.

[BestMammyEver]

My Grandparents were quite racist with some of the things they would come out with. They weren't being malicious and didn't seem to come across as hating all other ethnicities but the words they would use to describe said people when I was younger, could have been viewed as racist.

I don't think I'm friends with any racists.

Even though my Grandparents (great) did say certain things, I still miss them as they were amazing.

P.s I am not racist in any way and have friends from all over the world. Just wanted to write down my honest answer.

[Pumpkin2010]

Couldn't do it. I'd have no respect for them at all & wouldn't be able to bite my tongue if (when) they commented. Not sure I'd want to be friends anyway. Most racists have such a different outlook on life to me anyway. Shows a lot about their character.