To think ex is a cheeky bastard?

[ElectricMelon]

My best friend came over this morning and we took Dd to the Christmas Market in my town centre. Dd's dad was due to pick her up at 12 so I text and said can you pick her up from X as we aren't near home. I knew he would be taking Dd to the market so thought it would be easier for him anyway.

He said yes but OW will be with me. I assumed that anyway as I know they are a couple (he left me for her two weeks before I have birth to, now 3 year old, Dd so it isn't a recent thing) and they live together so obviously I knew she would be with him. I text back 'okay' as I didn't see the issue; I'm a grown up and I expect to have to see her at some point.

I have begrudgingly accepted that she is a part of Dd's life now and I just have to lump it and I am not interested in causing grief with her.

I have only ever been face to face with her once about 18 months ago as I walked past their car and she was in it. I waved and said 'hiya' and she slid down in the seat and hid behind her scarf. Seeing what an absolute coward she is made me feel tonnes better about the whole thing actually and I felt like the better person after 18 months of being made to feel like the horrible one in it all.

He turned up to collect Dd and OW was nowhere to be seen. She had hid around the corner like the coward she is and daren't even face me. She is okay to play happy families with Dd and trying to get Dd to call her mummy etc but she doesn't have the backbone to face me after 3 bloody years.

We went the opposite way to where she was hiding to avoid any awkwardness and also because we wanted to circle the stalls again to have a proper child free look at stuff. I wasn't bothered about him or her and honestly was glad to be free of a tired, morngy Dd and enjoy the market!

About twenty minutes later we went to a tapas place for some dinner and I got a text from ex saying:

'Are you staying around town because it isn't fair on us if you are. It isn't fair on Dd if we are both around town because she will want to come home with you and OW feels uncomfortable'

I ignored the text obviously as what I do in my child free time is fuck all to do with him and I am not being made to feel like I shouldn't be allowed to walk around my own bloody town centre because of how OW feels! I felt uncomfortable at the thought of seeing them playing happy families with Dd but I had on my big girl knickers and just ignored it! We are all adults and should be able to be in the same bloody town centre ffs.

I can't believe the cheek of him. I wouldn't dream of texting him if I felt uncomfortable, I would just go home if I was that bothered.

proudbadmum

Laughed out loud at your hide and seek suggestion

I'd really be questioning how healthy it is for her to be around your daughter. It's not at all healthy to see you being treated and spoken about in this way. Can you speak to your ex about it?

OP jokes aside he needs to man up and not do your DD any more damage. Some people really don't think so they!

If he's the kind of man who leaves his heavily pregnant partner I highly doubt he gives much of a shit about how his and OW's behaviour affects his child, tbh.

witchhazelblue you're right. He only thinks of himself and how situations affect him so talking to him is pointless

Silent treatment is so mature. She should be ashamed of herself so should he the bastards

I'm taking proud's advice next time I spot the buggers in Asda.

gabs for her daughter's sake. I suggested it only because the OP seems extremely level headed and pragmatic about the situation despite the hurt she must feel.

If the OW is a long term fixture there are going to be years of events she will want both parents (and potentially their partners) to attend. It would be better for the DD if the OW can be persuaded to be civil.

Great effort with the ignoring - we are on email only (no text) but I only reply to the ones that need replying to not the ridiculous ones!

My ex used to park over the road to drop the kids off. Or he'd reverse into the drive (ready to leg it!). If I know his latest gf is with him I take great delight in going out onto the drive and talking to him - the dancing around the car to try and not let me communicate with his gf is hilarious. I usually end up asking him to check the boot for some item of the kids stuff and then pop my head in the car and say hi in an overly cheery voice and ask how she is. It's so funny - totally freaks them both out (and before anyone sticks up for either of them after the shit he's put me through, if I can find anything funny about the situation it's a bonus!) and the kids see me being nice to them both.

I's have given it half an hour and then replied with 'peekabooooo I seeeeee you'

Chloecoconut haha he sounds as much of a knob as mine! Ever since I waved and said hello, my ex parks on the next street if he is with the OW. It's so pathetic

AmeliaJack I know what you mean but OW is just too childish to ever meet me. I have asked before because I hated that Dd was around this woman I have never met and he said no. I'm not bothered about being at events together and I won't be hiding or doing any avoiding. If they want to spoil their time at any event doing so then that's their problem

Well done OP.
Loved some of these responses especially hide and seek and texting back peek a boo.

You're a better woman than me. All things considered, I'm not quite sure I could've just ignored his ridiculous text 😂 What a tool OW is!!

Oh blimey. I would not have been able to resist a sarcastic response. Well done OP!

Start calling her mummy yourself. When questioned say 'oh she wanted DD to call her it so figured it was her birth name'

I'd fuck with them but I'm not a proper grown up

ProudBadMum I wasn't a proper grown up today when he picked Dd up, I asked if it was okay with him and OW if I went to Tesco to do my shopping and he told me to grow up

Awesome

I ❤️ ElectricMelon

You have behaved and responded absolutely perfectly

Maybe randomly text the twat every so often and ask if it's ok with ow if you take a shit

I would text back. Id say 'There is no need to feel uncomfortable. It has been three years and I have no intention of creating any drama. I just want to be polite and civil to ensure dd gets to enjoy her time with both of her parents. We can't avoid each other forever as we have dd to think of. Lets try to just put her first and be cordial instead of avoiding each other.'
Then leave it. She is being ridiculous and you are doing the right thing by keeping your head high and remaining civil. Your dd will be greatful of this when she is older.

My ex's OW suggested to him that she called me to 'clear the air' (about a week after i found out). I told him, no thanks, and that if she wanted to 'chat', we could do it in person. Funnily enough, she declined.

(I'm not in the least bit scary)

Well done OP, you have showed us how to take the high road. Hats off to you!

Haha

Grow up is the response he should for his partner

If she can't face you like an adult then it's obvious she had a lot more growing up to do.

You grow up??!'

I'd have replied with a text that said, "Look. You and her put me through hell a few years ago. I'd rather never set eyes on the pair of you ever again, however I know that, for our DD's sake, I need to be dignified and will have to interact with you both. You and her are going to have to do the same. We are going to cross paths, more and more as DD gets older. There will be school plays, graduations, her wedding etc. we will all need to be dignified, not scurry around hiding.

What a cheek. He must have told her things about you to cause her to behave like this . I wouldn't reply at all.

Maybe randomly text the twat every so often and ask if it's ok with ow if you take a shit