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AIBU?

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Original poster

Cancelled wedding...money etc

38 replies

littleme2016 · 11/11/2016 21:09

So August 2016 me and my fiance were due to get married after 8 yrs together. In June 2016, I found he had been cheating and he began acting strangely...really paranoid etc, talking about drugs, wouldn't speak to me. Went to live with his family. I took decision to cancel wedding, it wasn't right to go ahead with it given his mental state and what I had found out. After over 2 months of no contact and cancelled meetings at his end. We met twice, he refused to discuss any of the difficult things, and just basically wanted things to go back to how they were before. He also blamed me for a lot of it. I wasn't happy and ended it in Sept 2016. He took it pretty well it seems and has promptly deleted me off Facebook etc...despite previously saying he'd like to stay friends if this scenario arose.

I am still upset and hurt but I have a strong support network around me. I am glad this came to light before we got married and no kids involved etc

I'm left with the outstanding issues of the finances....we got a small amount of deposits back which I transferred to his account (which he complained about how little it was...we cancelled with 2 months to go...we were lucky to get anything)

As the honeymoon was in his name...he took the decision to move this to next year without my input...so obviously I won't be getting my money bk on that. If we cancelled, we would have got a bit of a refund but he didn't want to do that. I don't know what the situation is now that we won't be going full stop...whether we get refund or not.

Anyway, there is an account in my name whereby we were saving for the wedding... essentially there is £1000 each. I really want no contact with him and it's evident he doesn't want contact with me.

What do I do about this money? Where do I stand on the honeymoon? I've also found a CD of his, what do I do with that? And would I BU to get rid of photos/cards etc at this point? I want to but don't wanna regret it either. I've still got the engagement ring. He hasn't contacted me about any of it. And I know it's petty but hes still got photos of me and him on his Facebook which I'm really not happy with...

Sorry for the essay but I have so many questions about etiquette and my friends and family are biased towards me obviously.

Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
monkeysox · 11/11/2016 21:11

Keep it.

rumpelstiltskin43 · 11/11/2016 21:14

Definately keep it.

happypoobum · 11/11/2016 21:15

Keep it all. Block him on facebook/phone/email. Move on - far better things out there for you.

expatinscotland · 11/11/2016 21:15

Keep it!

user1471463681 · 11/11/2016 21:16

Keep it. His behaviour negates any politeness/fairness on your part.
Hope you're ok, sounds like you dodged a bullet but must be bloody tough.

LeftRightUpDown · 11/11/2016 21:17

He has the holiday and you have this.

Seems an even split to me

cheminotte · 11/11/2016 21:18

Keep the money. Bin his stuff.

inlectorecumbit · 11/11/2016 21:20

Keep the engagement ring-if you want, you can always get it made into something else in the future.
His share of the money in the bank l would be looking on it as my share of the honeymoon that he is going to get the benefit of.
His FB is his FB l really don't think you can do anything about the photos on his page-- just delete him and you won't see themor what he is doing.
Your photos and his CD -l would bag them up and put them in the loft /basement/anywhere out of the way. You can decide about them months or years down the line when things are less raw for you.

inlectorecumbit · 11/11/2016 21:21

themor !!! l don't have a clue what that should be Blush

Izzabellasasperella · 11/11/2016 21:22

Keep the ring. If he has moved the honeymoon it sounds like he is going to use it.Had you paid half? If so I'd keep the wedding fund money too.
Well done for getting out and staying strong.

Eevee77 · 11/11/2016 21:33

Bin the CD. Keep the money and the ring. And thank god you never got married!

EweAreHere · 11/11/2016 21:38

Keep it. You send him deposit money back, and he's taken it upon himself to take over the holiday.

Keep it and have a nice life. You're well rid by the sounds of it. x

ConvincingLiar · 11/11/2016 21:45

You're entitled to keep the ring. I'd sell it. How much is the honeymoon worth? I'd consider keeping all the cash in lieu of the honeymoon. Unless the cd is exceptionally rare, he can buy it again. Maybe check Amazon/eBay before keeping/charity shopping.

ChickenVindaloo · 11/11/2016 21:46

Don't get rid of the photos. Keep the money and the ring.

ChickenVindaloo · 11/11/2016 21:49

2nd hand engagement rings don't fetch much.

If you like the ring, keep it to wear in future (on right hand if you like). When it's less raw.

mydietstartsmonday · 11/11/2016 21:49

Keep it!

gillybeanz · 11/11/2016 21:55

Keep it and he can have the honeymoon as a holiday.
Take yourself somewhere nice and peaceful, or go with a friend and party.
It's time to just walk away, he has made his decision and tbh sounds quite ill as though something just snapped. The drugs certainly won't help him.
Sorry this has happened to you, but you have your life in front of you and it will be good again.
Please don't try to work him out, you probably never will Thanks

w12newmum · 11/11/2016 21:56

what inlectorecumbit said

SpunkyMummy · 11/11/2016 22:01

Well, how expensive was the honey moon?

Seeing as he moved it he seems like he wants to use it. So, this and the rest of his behaviour... he seems really horrible.

I think you should keep the ring and the money.

MimiSunshine · 11/11/2016 22:02

So far it seems he's had the returned deposits (unless you meant you transferred to him half of what you had returned) and the honeymoon (you won't be getting anything back from that) so just keep the ring (it's a gift to you) and the money

WatchingFromTheWings · 11/11/2016 22:05

Keep the money in lieu of the honeymoon. Have a holiday of your own! Sell the ring, bin the rest.

AcrossthePond55 · 11/11/2016 22:09

Not sure what the law is in UK, but where I am in the US by law the engagement ring must be returned if the bride to be calls off the wedding, regardless of the behaviour of the groom to be. So just be sure where you stand legally before you sell or change the ring into another piece of jewelry.

As far as the bank account, I'd say you're entitled to half plus the money you put into the honeymoon.

Any 'mementos' and the CD I'd put in a bag or box and put in the loft or a closet or cupboard. Leave them there for aa few months, out of sight out of mind.

VanillaSpiceCandle · 11/11/2016 22:11

Agree with others. And surely the honeymoon which he will be benefitting from is worth more than the cash.

I don't think it's worth contacting him over photos on Facebook given how he's acted. You could report the photos to Facebook and see if it will remove them. Then block him so you can't see them any more.

grumpymummy72 · 11/11/2016 22:26

Don't sell the ring unless you have to, you won't get much for it. I turned my first engagement ring, after the dust had settled, into a simple diamond pendant that I now wear most days with no bad memories attached.

SpunkyMummy · 11/11/2016 22:30

across

The gift of an engagement ring shall be presumed to be an absolute gift; this presumption may be rebutted by proving that the ring was given on the condition, express or implied, that it should be returned if the marriage did not take place for any reason.

Basically, although it can seem unfair, this means that unless there was an agreement to return the engagement ring if the wedding was cancelled then the recipient is under no obligation to return the ring. The courts will generally say there was an implied intention that the ring would be returned if it had particular sentimental value to the person who proposed, for example if it was a family heirloom.

www.nelsonslaw.co.uk/site/news/blogs/family_blog/engagement_ring.html