Cancelled wedding...money etc

[littleme2016]

So August 2016 me and my fiance were due to get married after 8 yrs together. In June 2016, I found he had been cheating and he began acting strangely...really paranoid etc, talking about drugs, wouldn't speak to me. Went to live with his family. I took decision to cancel wedding, it wasn't right to go ahead with it given his mental state and what I had found out. After over 2 months of no contact and cancelled meetings at his end. We met twice, he refused to discuss any of the difficult things, and just basically wanted things to go back to how they were before. He also blamed me for a lot of it. I wasn't happy and ended it in Sept 2016. He took it pretty well it seems and has promptly deleted me off Facebook etc...despite previously saying he'd like to stay friends if this scenario arose.

I am still upset and hurt but I have a strong support network around me. I am glad this came to light before we got married and no kids involved etc

I'm left with the outstanding issues of the finances....we got a small amount of deposits back which I transferred to his account (which he complained about how little it was...we cancelled with 2 months to go...we were lucky to get anything)

As the honeymoon was in his name...he took the decision to move this to next year without my input...so obviously I won't be getting my money bk on that. If we cancelled, we would have got a bit of a refund but he didn't want to do that. I don't know what the situation is now that we won't be going full stop...whether we get refund or not.

Anyway, there is an account in my name whereby we were saving for the wedding... essentially there is £1000 each. I really want no contact with him and it's evident he doesn't want contact with me.

What do I do about this money? Where do I stand on the honeymoon? I've also found a CD of his, what do I do with that? And would I BU to get rid of photos/cards etc at this point? I want to but don't wanna regret it either. I've still got the engagement ring. He hasn't contacted me about any of it. And I know it's petty but hes still got photos of me and him on his Facebook which I'm really not happy with...

Sorry for the essay but I have so many questions about etiquette and my friends and family are biased towards me obviously.

Thanks in advance.

Well according to Judge Judy (have watched lots!), the engagement ring belongs to the man, if the engagement is broken. Hold on to it and see if he asks for it back. If he does, you could argue that you should keep it as you won't get your investment in the honeymoon back.

Split any money in accounts 50/50.

When my fiance left me, I made him pay for everything we lost, as he was the one who decided to break it off. It was his choice, so he had to pay for it (but he had a job at the time and I didn't).

Tuck your photos of him away until a future date, so you can decide what you want to do with them when emotions are not so high.

You can't do anything about his FB account. He is probably still holding on to the idea of his life being 'sorted' and does not want to look like a failure in public. Don't look at his page.

I've learned that it's best to just get out as quickly as possble when there is a break up. Don't squabble over stuff and concede small amounts of money. It's not worth it - it's a small price to pay to get out of an unsuitable match.

You gave him the deposits back? Had he paid or you? I'd keep everything. Id only return the ring if it were a family heirloom. Sounds like you are better off without him.

Not sure what the law is in UK, but where I am in the US by law the engagement ring must be returned if the bride to be calls off the wedding

UK law is different - the ring belongs to the woman no matter who calls time on the relationship. (I actually knew a girl who had been engaged no few than % times by the time she was 22, and kept every damn ring!). I think it might be different if the ring had special significance e.g. Grandmother's engagement ring or something, but the man wouldstill probably have to go to court to get it back if the woman refused to hand it over.

OP - keep the money and the ring. Don't chuck the photos yet. Send the CD to the charity shop.

Thanks, Spunky and 2kids

Since UK law says the ring doesn't have to be returned, then I'd say to keep it. It sounds as if he's put you through enough stress, you've earned it!

Legally it's your money as you never married and the account is solely in your name.

Keep it and thank your lucky stars that the wedding didn't go ahead

If you're worried about regretting getting rid of sentimental things like photos and cards then pack them up and put them in the loft out of sight for a few months. It's still early days in the context of an 8 year relationship so don't pressure yourself to make decisions that can't be reversed now. When the dust has settled you'll be able to bin/ keep with a clearer mind.

If he is keeping the honeymoon, I think it is fair for you to keep the savings. In any case, I'm sure if he wanted it he would make contact. If he doesn't, just leave it be, don't chase him about it. The ring is yours to keep.

Hi

Thanks for all your responses.

To clarify, I only had given him half of the total deposits we got back. I kept the other half. Everything we had paid 50/50.

The total value of the honeymoon was just over three thousand....again paid 50/50.

I don't even really care (for want of a better word) about the money or who owes who what. I just would rather do the right thing now and get it all outta the way so I can move on and it not come bk to bite me...

Facebook will not remove the pictures.

Bin the CD, keep or sell the ring and keep the money.

Especially following update, it's completely fair to keep the ring, bin the cd and keep the money.

Block him on fb, take the time you need to grieve for your lost relationship but also be thankful that you got out when you did and move on with your life.

If it were me, I'd put the CD and Ring away somewhere safe so that if he asks for them back and you are happy to return them, you can do so. As for the money, if he uses the holiday, then you are owed your half back so you can keep that. The balance you can leave in the account for a reasonable period to give him a chance to ask for it back. As much as you want to wrap things up quickly, it is better to take your time and get it right.

It hard for you. But reading your op it sounds like he isn't interested in these financial details. He has deleted you from Facebook, are you still snooping on his page?

Please move on and definitely don't worry about his cd.

You wil be okay.

U.K. Law you keep the ring unless it was a family heirloom I.e grandmas engagement ring given only as a precursor to marriage and intended to remain in the family.

So......you paid £1500 towards the honeymoon and there is £2000 in savings?

So you are owed £2500 yes?

So if you keep all of the savings you are still £500 down, which you can trade off against the ring.

Keep it and if he questions it, that is how you explain it. You were honourable by returning his half of the deposits, he has not done the same for you. Morally and financially you are fine to keep the money and the ring.