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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or is everyone dealing with pond life every time they leave the house?

75 replies

Funnyface1 · 11/11/2016 16:59

Sick of crap inconsiderate people. It seems to be everyday now. A child in my child's class was sick yesterday and went home. Today he's there in class, despite the schools 48 hour symptom clear rule. I asked a teacher and she basically said his mother had dumped him and gone before they could tackle her about it. I can easily believe this as the poor child is routinely spoken to like crap by his mother as he races to keep up with her with his clothes always hanging off him.

I've got a newborn at home and would ideally like to avoid a sickness bug in the house. Is it too much to ask that she takes the time to look after the poor little guy.

Also in brief, guy parking and blocking me in at petrol station when he didn't need to. Guy cutting in front of me at the shop checkout. People driving like lunatics.

I cod go on. It's just seemed like an especially crap day. But then again I am emotional right now.

Am I right and reasonable or whiny and unreasonable?

OP posts:

Original poster

Funnyface1 · 11/11/2016 19:03

I guess it's true that I have an opinion of this mum already because I don't like the way I see her treat her child. Clothes hanging off him really meant he always looks dishevelled and his coat is unzipped and coming off his shoulders and he'll be trying to pull it into place as he runs to keep up with her.

The teacher didn't use the word dumped but more diplomatically said the mother had left in such a rush they couldn't catch her. He was sick again and sent home again by the way so I would wager definitely contagious and probably feeling quite poorly, bless him, which were my main concerns.

I used the term pond life because I don't like to swear but wanted to convey how much rudeness I had encountered in the space of only one morning. Only superior in the sense that I am not rude to people and feel I am a considerate person.

OP posts:

Hassled · 11/11/2016 19:06

The son of the parents who were both the local GPs vomited during carpet time one afternoon, and was back in school the next morning. My, how we judged.

Original poster

Funnyface1 · 11/11/2016 19:06

Also I am not depressed. I am not struggling to cope with my new born. I am however reliving losing my sister two years ago as it's just been the "anniversary" of that. So when people are horrible it's hard to think of such an amazing person being taken so young. So not depressed but devastated and probably still grieving.

OP posts:

basketoffreshveg · 11/11/2016 19:15

She should not have said it.

But just the same it's a fuck of a jump from what you inferences to what the teacher actually said.

I am sorry about your sister but unsympathetic to your wider post. Everyone is fighting their own battles. You should know that.

AnyFucker · 11/11/2016 19:17

Perhaps the "pond life" who irritate you so much have their own difficulties too, just like you. Just a thought.

If you feel the child is neglected then report it formally instead of bitching about the mother.

I am sorry about your sister

PaulAnkaTheDog · 11/11/2016 19:19

'Pond life'

Nice way to describe a fellow parent for a relatively minor infraction.

SirChenjin · 11/11/2016 19:20

There are tossers out there and I do think it's getting worse - when someone apologises for bumping into me, for example, I find myself being pleasantly surprised.

I still think that on the whole there are more non-tossers than tossers out there, and it's precisely because they are in the minority that they stand out and stick in our minds.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 11/11/2016 19:24

I'm sorry about your sister. I think it's natural to go through a phase of feeling quite bitter and angry about the injustice of it all. Try not to deflect that anger onto other people though.
It's easy to make assumptions about others based on a small snapshot of their lives, we all do it but do try to think of the bigger picture. You had reasons for feeling upset and a bit irrational today just as others may have reasons for their behaviour.

MadisonAvenue · 11/11/2016 19:26

OP, I'm so sorry to read about your sister

I do think that there are a lot of people around who fail to display good manners/attitudes but they're balanced out by people who are friendly and kind.

I had to take my son to a hospital appointment today and we had a lovely cheerful bus driver and he even gave me a cheaper ticket than the one I'd asked for, which I'd thought was the cheapest option, so he saved me around £3. We had to return a faulty item to Game while we were out and the man who dealt with us couldn't have been more helpful, so an email will be going off to Game so that he gets some recognition.

But then there was the arsehole on a flight the other week who, along with his family, had taken over a couple of overhead bins with their carry on cases, bags and coats. While standing in the aisle to get off he decided to reach over me and remove cases from the bin I was standing by, which was across the aisle and at a diagonal from him, rather than waiting and clonked me on the head with a wheel. No apology. He then pushed into the gap in between me and my son and, on doing so, swung a backpack onto his back and hit me in the face with it. Still no apology and no fucking awareness.

Original poster

Funnyface1 · 11/11/2016 19:37

Ok well I asked for opinions and I got them, thank you. I am very aware that everyone has their own rubbish going on, but I don't think that excuses rude behaviour. I have stuff going on but I'm not openly crap to people.

It's interesting that so many people are riled by my few words but would apparently have the patience of angels with inconsiderate people.

I'm going now because my day has gotten much better. I won't be reading anymore posts as the people who are getting on my case for being judgey are actually being quite judgey, imagine that!!

OP posts:

user1471545174 · 11/11/2016 19:37

YANBU OP, they're everywhere, and no, it's not me.

I'm sorry for your loss.

basketoffreshveg · 11/11/2016 19:41

It isn't judgey to call you on false claims about what a teacher supposedly said and to point out that it isn't 'rude' to drop an ill child off at school. Poor judgement, maybe.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 11/11/2016 19:46

I'm not sure what you wanted to achieve with this thread? I didn't think I was being judgemental at all, and we've all been sympathetic about your sister.

I'm glad you are feeling better after having a vent on here anyway.

frumpet · 11/11/2016 19:46

As part of my job I spend a lot of time driving round a local town , monday to Thursday people are generally considerate . Friday arrives and all bets are off , it really becomes a free for all , especially after about 3pm

LynetteScavo · 11/11/2016 20:51

Eh? Sounds like a perfectly normal day to me. In fact it sounds like a good day for me. I just roll with it.

And if you have a look on MN there are enough posts saying that people shouldn't take time off work to care for their child. Some magic nanny nurse should be produced at short notice so you don't need to take time off. Or you can hope the DC doesn't actually have a bug and send them to school.

There will always be people not living life as perfectly as you, OP.

LynetteScavo · 11/11/2016 20:56

My general rule of thumb is that if 2 or more people piss me off before 10 in the morning then I'm the problem.

Everyone I meet before 10am pisses me off. I always knew I wasn't a morning person but...

NotYoda · 12/11/2016 07:04

Funnyface

I am so sorry. It's tough with a newborn and grieving too. It's no wonder you are feeling raw and alert to the horrible things

KERALA1 · 12/11/2016 07:20

It is extremely selfish and poor form to ignore the 48 hour stay off after vomiting rule. I would think bad thoughts about parents that do that.

thisisafakename · 12/11/2016 07:23

It is extremely selfish and poor form to ignore the 48 hour stay off after vomiting rule

Agree, but if the alternative is that you will lose your job then I can see why people make the choice.... But you are of course entitled to be annoyed and think bad thoughts about them.

CasperGutman · 12/11/2016 07:36

I agree the 48 hour rule isn't always appropriate.

When my son started in Reception he would be suck every day, and it seemed to be related to more psychological than anything. It was massively disruptive to family life.

Thankfully, after we noticed it didn't happen on non-school days, we discussed with his teacher and agreed he wouldn't be sent home or kept home for 48 hours for a one-off vomiting episode. After two days he stopped doing it and it hasn't happened since.

The difference is, if there are exceptional circumstances like these you should discuss it with the teacher, not just dump and run!

TheLegendOfBeans · 12/11/2016 07:40

I get you OP. You are positively angelic compared to some of the stuff I could come out with when I've got to navigate through Surbiton a couple of times a week - drivers so inconsiderate and shitty thinking of taking a tank next time.

GreenAngelica · 12/11/2016 07:52

I've been bereaved and am thinking of you OP.
And having a newborn did make me despair at all the shit that goes on in the world.
You're probably feeling protective and vulnerable which is a very stressful mix.

My loss has changed me in the long by run though OP. Yours may too.
l still get annoyed or stressed out by petty selfish stuff people do.
But my loss made me realise in life that the most important thing in life, bar nothing at all, is the people we have around us- whether you know those people or not.

It's taken me a few years perspective to get to where I am now and stop feeling very or a bit fragile in public (which you sound like now, if you don't mind me saying)

So unless someone is being a total dick I try to be helpful and smiley. If someone is the least bit kind and approachable to me I will thank them to the skies because I am grateful and so they are more likely to do that helpful thing again to the next person. I try to talk about feelings a lot with my DC and family.

I've not become some kind of saint, sometimes I don't feel like it particularly but I just feel that seeing the good in people and nurturing that side of our human nature is what gets me through and helps my own mental health. I have lost people really known for being sunny and lovely with others, I've always been the cynical one. It's my small tribute to them.

I have better boundaries too on the flip side and am less likely to suffer twats in silence.

Hope you find a way through OP.

MrsRyanGosling15 · 12/11/2016 07:53

OP I get you. I don't know why people are doing the usual mumsnet crap of trying to be as picky and rude as possible. some of the language I see in here yet pond life has people rolling their eyes all over the place. It was plainly obvious that the op had a bit of a rubbish day and was having a bit of a moan. op maybe if you were a different poster you would of had different and more understanding responses. People know exactly what they are doing on here, it's reminiscent of a playground at times.

Witchend · 12/11/2016 07:58

I have permission to bring dd2 back into school as soon as she's feeling better if she's only been sick once as she is,sick both with anxiety (or excitement) and migraines.
In all 3 schools she's been in have told me to do that after seeing her medical history.
Last winter I had permission to do the same for ds as he had some sort of post viral thing where his temperature was randomly coming up, then he was sick. He was only on half days at that point as it was all he could cope with, so needed to miss as little as possible.

JerryFerry · 12/11/2016 08:07

it does seem to go that way some days and it's a shame that when you try to blow off steam in a supposedly supportive forum that you are assailed by a fresh bunch of arseholes who are oh so right about everything. Aren't they boring 😔

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