To not ask a child to my DD's birthday party

[Downwilson]

There are 12 girls in my DD2's Year 2 class at school. Her next birthday is coming up and she will be 7. For previous birthday parties I've sent invitations via the teacher to every child in the class.

Anyway, there is one particular parent who has ignored the last 2 invitations and her DD hasn't come (No apology, no text, no acknowledgement.Nothing) . The teacher assured me the invitations were put in the child's schoolbag.

I thought that maybe there was a good reason for this (rudeness) and put it down to some personal beliefs or previous commitments.

I know the mother vaguely and I've since been to parties of other children in the class and there she was with her DD.

So she's just a rude cow, who can't be arsed even acknowledging an invite.

So AIBU if I don't send an invitation to her DD for the next birthday party? It seems a bit unkind to not invite her daughter (who is not unfriendly with mine) but I'm just not sure how to handle it.

Yep start up your local anti rudeness campaign, but do ensure your name is on top of the list!

Underthemoonlight, the purpose of an RSVP is to know who's coming and who's not coming.
I believe it should be basic good manners to respond to an invitation, either accept or politely refuse.
Not responding is completely rude.
And it's not rude not to invite a child who has never come before, despite being invited and whose parents never bothered to reply.

It's not that rude not to reply to a party invite! I have found lots of invites in pockets or at the bottom of bags after the date has passed. I always get a fair number of non-responders to invites to my kids' parties too. It's no big deal especially when you're inviting the whole class. YWBVU to punish the child for this

I actually think that is incredibly rude personally. I would be very angry at my kids for being so ungrateful as to scrumple the invite in their pocket and forget about it. Also it is a big deal if you have paid for their place and party bag which you have to do as sometimes these non-responders just turn up anyway

Only one out of 12 ignored the invitation?

You're doing well!

At 7, DD should also be capable of "reminding" the child that her mother hasn't responded!

Take the moral high ground. Invite her but don't expect anything to come of it. It's not the child's fault.

You sound like a weirdo. Perhaps she doesn't reply to your invites because she's picked up on that.

All the huffing about rudeness

It is far ruder to exclude a wee child for no fault of her own

Underthemoonlight I think that is rude! People need to know who is coming and who is not! I find it helpful if people let me know they aren't coming, after all I am psychic! It also helps so that I don't have to unnecessarily buy the child a party bag!

Can you not just chase up parent nearer the time for a response.

I couldn't contemplate not inviting a child because of a perceived slight by their parent. That's just so mean. What on earth do you hope to achieve.

And to me, if a parent doesn't rsvp and doesn't show up, that's absolutely fine, no big deal. It's not as if they didn't rsvp and showed up anyway, now that's annoying.

It may not be any fault of the child if their parent hasn't sent a RSVP but I think it gets to a point where you have to start thinking about the feelings of your own child when they are hanging on to that RSVP. I don't bother inviting children anymore whose parents don't RSVP. My daughters feeling come first.

You have no idea what is going on with their lives. Don't make assumptions.

Think the OP is getting too hard a time - hardly "appalling behaviour" to give and not to continually invite a family who consistently ignore all your invites. The child is obviously not that bothered if parents ignored more than once.

In this day and age of multiple methods of communication there is no excuse for not responding. A text to say "sorry we can't this time thanks for invite" takes, what, 30 seconds. No one is that bloody busy.

Invite.

I maybe reflect on the question you have asked..

Your daughters party is about her and her friends. Not you and your relationships. Your behaviour will influence your daughter in the future. If you start excluding people, your daughter will learn not including people is ok, she may the learn the behaviours (and think they are right) of the lady/mum you think is rude.

What HANYolo said.

Earlier this year I got a text off one of the class mums asking if DD could come to her DD's party as I hadn't replied to the invite.... except my DD had not brought it home. I explained I hadn't had an invite (I check DD's bag every night) so asked when it was etc.

So maybe the mum hasn't actually had sight of the invite?

Invite all.

And follow-up all invitations with a call to say 'is your child coming?'
Why are people so scared to pick up the phone these days?

yy I always do a follow up text if no reply and numbers crucial.

OP, at our school we have a "cool to be kind week" this week.

You say you've seen her at other parties - doesn't necessarily mean that she replied to their invites either, just that she was available for those ones. Don't take it personally.

For me the normal time frame for party invites are
3 weeks till party - send out invites with RSVP date 1 week before party
2 weeks till party - ask DC to remind non-replying children, talk to non-replying parents if I see them
1.5 weeks until party - ask DC to remind non-replying children again, text non-replying parents
1 week - final texts (I've never got to this stage ...)

It can be awkward where the DC are new friends and you don't know/ have contact details for their parents. But in OP's case sounds like this DC has been in her child's class since Reception so presumably she does know the parent and has a contact number!

Thanks once again for all the takes on my fairly minor situation.
Let me clarify a few points.

I am not a lunatic, although I quite liked the idea of being thought of as a weirdo....
Nor am I a raving megalomaniac and I totally accept that there are times when children can't make it to a party that I'm throwing.
Of course, kids lose invitations, my own have done that a few times.
BUT, if I find one of these lurking at the bottom of a schoolbag, I text the parent and apologise for not answering.
I (and perhaps herein lies my problem) would consider this BASIC manners.

Spot on op. That is your problem - I'm amazed how rude people can be regarding RSVP. Take control and check in with parents too. It's not rude to ask if they have received invite and will be attending if you haven't heard back after a week or so.