Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shitting myself

28 replies

WorriedWife2016 · 10/11/2016 13:58

Apologies for title but right now I am so scared
DH left seven months ago after being caught having an affair
Dad has cancer with radical surgery done and more due next week dd also due operations in two weeks she's 18
2 teens full time job dog etc
DH has zero contact
I went for a mamogram and its come back abnormal
I honestly can't take much more.....
I am absolutely worried sick, how will I cope if it's cancer along with full time job divorce care for kids and care for dad
I have never been so bloody terrified
I know I should not panic but bugger all has gone right for me this year it's been horrendous

OP posts:
FlopIsMyParentingGuru · 10/11/2016 14:00

As far as understand it, some of the call backs are just that they need to do another one as the first wasn't clear enough.

Whateveryouwannacallme · 10/11/2016 14:12

It must seem even more worrying on top of everything else ... and although logic says that only 1 in 20 ( if I remember the statistics right) recall is of a serious nature its still a gut wrenchng experience.

Is it a recall or a referral to specialist unit ? Recall could just be a second radiographer other than the one that took it wanting a second opiion

I got to the specialist unit phase and it turned out to be a little group of abnormal blood vessels on my chest wall so I was actually reassured that the system was so good they could spot that and get me to the ultrasound part in 2 weeks.

wishing you well, take care of yourself too in all of this .

Whateveryouwannacallme · 10/11/2016 14:14

meant to say on in 20 at specialist referral not all recalls

Original poster
WorriedWife2016 · 10/11/2016 14:14

Thank you, yes specialist unit x

OP posts:
RentANDBills · 10/11/2016 14:17

Don't panic, a lot of the time its because they didn't get enough information initially. Flowers I'm sorry you've had such an awful year

deblet · 10/11/2016 14:19

I am so sorry I remember how we panicked when this happened to my mum 7 years ago. When my mum went back she was one of 7 in the waiting room who had been called back. All but my mum were cleared it was things like pp said or a shadow they had to explain. And my mum was 65 and is fine today at 72 after treatment no chemo just an op. Your life is very stressful and I am not surprised you fear the worst but try to take a step back and a deep breath and think that the stats are on your side. When is your next appointment? How long do you have to worry?

Gazelda · 10/11/2016 14:22

Breast Cancer Care (www.breastcancercare.org.uk/) have a helpline that is run by. Urges and that can give info and chat with anyone who has breast health worries. Might it be worth a quick call to see if they can reassure you about what next steps are?
You've got an awful lot on your plate, I hope your DDad, DD and your own health worries are soon behind you Flowers

Gazelda · 10/11/2016 14:23

Sorry - nurses, not urges!

pklme · 10/11/2016 14:25

It's too soon to panic! Focus on the things you can address, like looking after your family. When you get your retest results you can plan then. If it helps you to prepare for the worst, then make some plans- I'm a list maker, I would list things like getting the house clean and filling the freezer, getting car serviced, insurance paid, Christmas presents covered early (like how you prepare for having a baby). Some of those things you might want to do anyway, or it may just look more manageable written down.

MNRandom · 10/11/2016 14:30

Hand holding and hug sending. I hope everything turns out clear for you! Flowers

ItShouldHaveBeenJess · 10/11/2016 14:40

Good luck OP, what a horrendous time you've had. 2016 has been my crappest year next to 2009 and a lot of others seem to have had a rough time. Try not to panic, and, as another poster said, focus on what you can do, right now, today. The Breast Cancer Care website is also fantastic for advice and unanswered questions. Flowers

Original poster
WorriedWife2016 · 10/11/2016 14:40

Thank you loads of good advice there, I will ring the help line, I can batch cook and wrap pressies etc it will keep me busy, I go back on 15th

OP posts:
PlumsGalore · 10/11/2016 14:41

I had mine a few weeks ago and read the literature back to front. Agree with others that call backs are not unusual.

Sending lots of luck and good wishes though, stay strong x

Blossomdeary · 10/11/2016 14:44

My DD had a call back and all was well. Sometimes it is a machinery or operator error.

Liiinoo · 10/11/2016 14:53

Callbacks are scary, but do not have to mean you have cancer. They are more common if you are big boobed? I had one two years ago and it was just a lot of nodes pressed closely together, on the mammogram they looked like a shadow/lump so they needed a closer look.

Call the helpline and talk to them. You have so much going on you could do,with some extra support right now. Good luck on the 15th.

TheFormidableMrsC · 10/11/2016 14:53

OP Flowers. I have been in your shoes, only recently. I too am a single mum to a teenager and a 5 yo. My ex also left after I discovered his affair. I know exactly what place you're in now.

Suffice to say, exactly the same thing happened to me...and all was well in the end. I do have a lot of fibrous lumps in my breasts but this one was a difficult little bugger that needed further checking. I am sure it'll be something along the same lines.

Keeping busy is the only thing you can do..and it sounds as if that is a done deal anyway...I know how stressful this is, especially any sort of wait. Sending you lots of luck for a happy outcome!

manicmij · 10/11/2016 14:56

You need to talk to someone about all that is going on in your life. Your Dad having cancer could be an avenue for you to contact an organisation specifically for the type he has e.g. bowel, prostate and they are good at giving information and advice. Also if you have a Maggies Centre nearby they too can help. If you work, do you have a personnel person who could refer you to counselling just to unload all your stress? Or if you have funds go to one privately. Consider each problem and really look at what you can change if anything. There are quite a few that look as if you have to accept as they are but you are the only one who can recognise that. Do hope your own results are good.

YelloDraw · 10/11/2016 14:58

Don't panic. Wait and see what the results are.

You'll get through it. It will be tough but you can do it.

Don't be afraid to ask for help from friends family. You have a lot on your plate right now.

JellyBelli · 10/11/2016 15:00

I know this wont seem like much consolation now, but they told me that over 80% of the time its a benign result. When it isnt, most of the time its a pea sized lump that is easily removed.
If the worst comes to the worst, contact MacMillans. They offer all kinds of practical help. Good luck with your test Flowers

www.macmillan.org.uk/information-and-support

MollyHopps · 10/11/2016 15:02

Also having issues with my breast Worried Thanks Feel free to PM me if you like.

LizB62A · 10/11/2016 15:04

A friend of mine came home on a Thursday night to a registered letter telling her that her mammogram was abnormal, and asking her to attend a specialist unit on the Tuesday.
She spent the whole weekend worried sick about it - she didn't tell anyone as she was terrified and was convinced it was cancer as they were calling her back so urgently. Like you - she's having a shit year (I can't give the details as quite identifying but similar to yours)
When she went along they were just so matter-of-fact about it and said it was probably a cyst and they just wanted to check.
It turned out it was a cyst, and it will go away on its own.
However, the way they handled the notification really suggested to her that it was likely to be much worse.

The NHS is great but I do think a phone call from a nurse (who could have explained it's a routine callback to clarify something) would have been better than a registered letter which just sent my friend into panic mode

So, I'd say to you: try not to think the worst until you get to your appointment and get the full details of why they have called you back.
Statistically, its much more likely to not be as bad as it could be.

Best of luck x

Me2017 · 10/11/2016 15:06

One school of thought which I follow is never have these things as most of what they pick up is not a major issue and you'd hjave been better off not having the check. Do look at that position. I am not making it up. It is one area of NHS work which is very controversial - should we even screen women like this?

ClaudiaApfelstrudel · 10/11/2016 15:10

as others have said OP, the vast majority of these cases are nothing to worry about, but even if it were the worst possible case and it was cancer, it's reassuring to know that todays survival rates particularly for breast cancer are extremely high. I know at least two ladies who had to go through radiotherapy and four, five years later are just like they were back then, nothing wrong and living full happy lives.

like others, thinking of you in this difficult time Flowers

Original poster
WorriedWife2016 · 10/11/2016 15:21

Oh god,mthank you all, god no I'm glad to be tested if I have a problem in life I usually deal with it head on, I will with this too, it's just floored me temporarily
I can't get cancer I don't have time to.i am sick to the pit of my stomach but appreciate the time to reply, my dad has skin cancer facial, he has had radical surgery that is difficult to deal with, more to come next week, divorce is a mare, hubbie has been an utter shite in every way possible
I have an appointment at the docs, just so much stress at the moment,the kids must not know a thing til I know what I am facing x

OP posts:
ElizabethHoney · 10/11/2016 15:35

Totally agree with others that most callbacks don't turn out to be cancer.

But even in the very unlikely circumstance that it is, it doesn't mean it's going to be awful. I had cancer which was caught very early, needed keyhole surgery, and then follow up checks over the following couple of years.

And that was it. I actually felt less knackered after the surgery than before, because the enforced rest for a couple of days at a friends house (with no other choice but to let others take over other responsibilities including caring), meant that I rested properly for the first time in ages, and friends really rallied round and looked after me more than was even necessary.

Bizarrely, although it was scary news, it probably saved me a breakdown by making me stop for a bit when I'd had an awful couple of years. No worse than a bad cold, but with proper care and rest.

It's very unlikely that yours is cancer. But even if it is, it's not always as awful as it sounds. Sounds like you're having a really tough year. Hope things turn around soon.