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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my son might have adhd?

59 replies

Zaramohito · 10/11/2016 12:20

I've n/c for this, also know that no one on mumsnet can make a diagnoses but it might help me get some perspective.

My son is 8 and he's always been a bit challenging but up until now I've always thought it was just normal childish behaviour. However, I had parents evening last week and apparently he's started being disruptive at school, constantly talking, getting out of his seat, getting distracted and distracting other children, he is now slipping behind despite being capable, so I am told.

I must admit he's exhibited challenging behaviour for a while. He was a lovely and really easygoing, happy baby and toddler, but he started becoming challenging once he started school.

Son examples of his behaviour are,

Getting distracted so easily, so I could literally send him upstairs to get a jumper and he'll have forgotten by the time he gets upstairs.

Not listening even when spoken to directly and bursting out with laughter. I just cannot get him to be serious about anything.

Shouting out random things at inappropriate times, like this morning I sent him to get his school jumper and he randomly yelled "oh my god Donald Trump is president". Or walking round a shop he'll shout out "pepperoni pizza" or "I'm a cardboard box". Just totally out of the blue, completely random stuff. He also does this in accents and I've asked him to stop because people might think he's making fun of them.

Constantly picking things up in shops despite being asked, pre warned, made to hold my hand, even me just leaving the shop with him.

Breaking out into dancing in the middle of a shop if music comes on.

Stealing sweets, for example last year he was bought 3 advent calendars from different people, and I found out he'd ate them all in one go. Or we had a box of cakes, he had one after his tea, the next day I found out he'd nibbled all the edges off the rest of the cakes, this sort of thing happens a lot if there's sweet stuff around.

Doing without thinking, so he might do a lovely piece of homework let's say designing a board game, then he needs a bit of paper and ripping a huge chunk off the piece of homework he's just done. Making mistakes even when copying.

When I read to him he constantly asks questions but so much so we don't progress through the book.

Self management, so he will wait until he's desperate to use the toilet resulting in him needing to go when there are no toilets available. If we are on our way out I ask him to go and he argues but then desperately needs to go once we are out.

He doesn't sleep. No matter what, I get him to bed early to wind down, read with him, got him a new bed, he doesn't get to sleep. This only started since school, once he does get to sleep he's dead to the world.

He asked questions that I wouldn't expect him to, like my husband has noticed at a certain activity he does that he keeps asking questions, to the point it's distracting to the group. If we are in the supermarket he wants the free samples and he asks the person at the deli/cake counter if they've got any free samples.

Previously school have never had any complaints and no one had mentioned anything to me so I was shocked to hear that he's now misbehaving at school.

The thing is, he's not horrible, never nasty, he loves everyone but I feel people are starting to dislike him because of his behaviour.

His diet is ok as far as I'm concerned, I'm not saying it's perfect but we don't have any sugary cereals, he has a school meal, a home cooked tea and any pudding is after tea, he has no fizzy drinks or squash only milk or water.

He does lots of activities after school I try to keep him busy.

I'm at a loss now, we had a big chat about school but he seems to believe it's other children distracting him, he tells them to shush and then gets into trouble, however this is not the story his teacher tells. He seems to think children are moving the table, knocking him, kicking him under the table, but I'm inclined to take his teachers word.

Even when I'm doing things one to one sometimes it's impossible to get him engaged and concentrating.

Although he can concentrate when he really wants to but his concentration seems to be getting worse. Of course we have times when he behaves beautifully so it's not all bad but things are becoming more noticeable as he gets older.

How does all this sound?

OP posts:
AndNowItsSeven · 10/11/2016 14:30

Asd rather than ADHD sounds more likely. Three of my dc have asd and without attempting to diagnose your ds he sounds very similar to my ds who I thought may have ADHD.

Zaramohito · 10/11/2016 14:32

I haven't tried the marbles. We've done sticker charts when he was younger and similar with packets of match attacks.

I will admit I'm a bit scared to try some of these strategies anymore with ds because I've found him to be a negotiator. Let's say he thought he deserved a marble, he'd argue for a marble. Or he might do something like draw a nice picture then ask for a marble, then get upset. If I told him to stand and brush his teeth and he'd get a marble in the jar, he just can't manage it.

I will try the marble one though as I haven't specifically tried this.

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 10/11/2016 14:38

Do try it, but be really firm with him at the same time. Arguing with you means he loses his marbles 😂

Zaramohito · 10/11/2016 14:46

When I say I'm not trying to label him, I just mean I'm not trying to cop out of parenting. I'd take on board anywhere I may be going wrong.

I did say if his behaviour improves at school we'd do a cinema/bowling trip at the end of the month. So perhaps marbles in a jar will help him to visualise this.

I wasn't too concerned as I thought he was just spirited, but now it's impacting on his school work I am worried.

OP posts:
MrsMontgomerySmythe · 10/11/2016 17:11

He sounds EXACTLY like my DS when he was 8. And yes my DS has since been diagnosed with ADHD and ASD.

I would pursue an assessment if Was you.

If you have private health insurance or the means to pay for an assessment I can recommend a couple of London based doctors if you want to PM me.

ADHD is not the end of world.

My DS is now 12 and recently said if there was a magic cure he would refuse it as ADHD is an important part of him.

Squeegle · 10/11/2016 17:20

My son has just been diagnosed with ADHD, he sounds similar. My DS is now 12 and struggling big time with school work. The asking him not to do things again and again is very familiar. I would get the school to kick of the process with the ed psych if you can and get the path to assessment as soon as you can. There is no harm in investigating at this stage I wish I'd done it earlier. Trouble is, young boys are often impulsive, won't go to bed etc and its hard for us to work out what's normal and what's not.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 10/11/2016 17:23

Don't ask us. Ask a doctor. This is not something on which strangers on the internet can advise.

monkeywithacowface · 10/11/2016 17:25

He does sound a little like my 8 year old who has ASD. The dancing randomly made me smile, I've tripped over DS so many times this week because of his random need to stop dead and "dab" Hmm

monkeywithacowface · 10/11/2016 17:27

The OP said she knew that in her first sentence Prawn but well done a super contribution to the thread

monkeywithacowface · 10/11/2016 17:28

Oh and people can advise they just can't diagnose Wink

Pythonesque · 10/11/2016 17:39

Agree with all above that he merits assessment - the aim being to tease apart what is actually going on, so that you can (be helped to) help him more effectively. I think you probably should speak to both school and your GP about a referral - both may need to be involved and I get the impression referral pathways vary in different areas. A long wait however is almost inevitable.

Read up on both ASD and ADHD and make a note of parenting approaches that resonate with your situation. But don't try too may things at once, consistency is key. Hope you get some good support via school!

Thefitfatty · 10/11/2016 17:48

He sounds a lot like me and I'm ADHD. It's not the end of the world OP, get him diagnosed and go from there.

orangepudding · 10/11/2016 17:54

It sounds as if you are trying hard, trust your instinct if you feel something is not quite right.

If you have a supportive school you could ask them to write a list of concerns to give to your sons GP. I would suggest that you also write a list of concerns. Sometimes it can be difficult to get a referral and even of you do it may be rejected by the paeds so it really is worth noting all concerns.

Oblomov16 · 10/11/2016 17:55

Many posters have told you that a GP referral to a Paed, for assessment is the next action. Are you happy to do that?

Disabrie22 · 10/11/2016 18:15

He sounds very entertaining and bright but I can imagine you are exhausted - I think your instincts are right and it sounds like you are doing all the right things to help. Hard, burn out exercise helps - in my limited (education wise) experience of ADHD medication made an enormous difference but I'm not an educational psychologist. I have met extremely bright people with ADHD - good luck and sending virtual support.

My2centsworth · 10/11/2016 19:37

Some of the typical behaviour/ reward strategies don't work as well with children on the spectrum and children with ADHD. They are not going these behaviours because they are being naughty and often cannot control the impulsive behaviour.

Sometimes more 'sensory things' work better. So if the child needs to use up 'pent up' energy regularly putting in times of the day where he can do this (sensory breaks) means that the sensory system can be recalibrated. 'The out of sync child' is a brilliant read.

My2centsworth · 10/11/2016 19:39

Going=doing

Trifleorbust · 10/11/2016 19:50

Some of the typical behaviour/ reward strategies don't work as well with children on the spectrum and children with ADHD. They are not going these behaviours because they are being naughty and often cannot control the impulsive behaviour.

Which is precisely the point. If the OP tries these strategies and they don't work, she will have a clearer idea of whether there are likely to be SN. Until she tries them, whether or not they might work is a matter of speculation.

My2centsworth · 10/11/2016 19:59

Trifle I am not sure what your experience with SN is, but as many people have said there are quite a lot of red flags in the OP. Treating this as bad behaviour could be quite damaging to an 8 year old who potentially cannot help it. I am sure by 8, the OP has tried and not succeeded with a number of traditional strategies.

FrayedHem · 10/11/2016 20:16

I would definitely press ahead with referrals.

FWIW, When DS1 was dx with ASD aged 3, the pediatrician said if it had been 10 years previous, my son would have been one of the children that wasn't picked up until age 8ish, when the leap from infant to juniors expectations would have made his difficulties stand out clearly to everyone.

Trifleorbust · 10/11/2016 20:19

Actually, it appears that the OP hasn't tried a number of standard strategies. I am not suggesting treating it as bad behaviour without regard for the possibility that it isn't, but trying the obvious things first and not assuming that clear boundaries, consequences and rewards will not work. Without those things in place, a great many 7 year old boys will behave as the OP describes. If it doesn't work, it is then logical to say that there is something unusual about the behaviour.

BeautyQueenFromMars · 10/11/2016 20:21

You could almost be describing my 10 year old DS, who was diagnosed with ADHD last year. As previous posters have said, definitely start the referral/assessment process. Speak to the school also as if the GP refers your DS to CAMHS for an ADHD assessment, the school will have to complete a couple of questionnaires (as will you).

I was lucky, we only had a 4 month wait between GPS app to and CAMHS app. Maybe you'll be lucky too!

BeautyQueenFromMars · 10/11/2016 20:23

Posted too soon.
In the meantime, try what trifle suggests - it may well help, whether your DS has ADHD/ASD or not.

ICantFindAFreeNickName2 · 10/11/2016 20:37

A few of the things you mentioned in your op sounds similar to my son who was eventually diagnosed as ASD - I would go and see your doctor, as its better to get support sooner, rather than later.

With regards to the sleep thing, my ds always struggled to get to sleep, we finally found that he slept better if he had two quilts on his bed. When he was diagnosed, I found out that it was quite a common problem and that you can actually get weighted bedding, which helps a lot of children. I found people on the SEN forum here very helpful & understanding. They can probably help you if you are trying to tackle a particular problem.

My2centsworth · 10/11/2016 21:12

Fair enough Trifle. I don't agree. As a parent of 2 children with AN I think it is important to make allowances for children who 'may' have AN. I know I felt guilty as hell for trying to modify my eldest child's difficulties with strategies that were wholeheartedly unsuitable to her needs once she was diagnosed so I am speaking from the benefit of hindsight. I certainly learned to not to the same with my youngest child.

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