AIBU to hate my neighbours kids?

[Gracey1231]

My next door neighbours children aged about 8 and 11 have literally no respect for my property. I'm not a neighbour from hell who kicks off at them for nothing either I never shout at them.

Okay so our driveway and there's is connected even though our houses aren't and they are constantly littering our front garden with, quite frankly, shit, toffee wrappers and bottles which I am sick of saying "guys really sorry but can you pick up after yourself" they use our driveway as a play area which I'm not happy about but don't want to be nasty because theirs have a car on it and mine doesn't, despite them having a full road to play in, the ball goes over my garden constantly which I honestly dont mind, but they're forever at the door knocking, and if I say I'm busy they bang on my door until I get it.

A few weeks ago they were playing football and the ball hit my window, I went out and reasonably said to them look if it breaks I'll have to pay for a new one and it's very expensive, the 11 year old laughed in my face. I never said a word.

They constantly come right up to my window and look inside and their parents never check on them despite one having learning difficulties.

After that occasion they kicked it into my garden and didn't even knock to get it just attempted to climb over my side gate into the garden, which I caught them and politely informed them that this is trespassing and I haven't ever have them permission to go into my garden.
Today I got home and my back gate was completely unlocked, no one in the house had done it and there was a ball on my shed which wasn't there before. Turns out they'd unlocked the gate tried to get the ball and couldn't reach and just left it open.

AIBU to literally be fed up of these kids? Tried to be reasonable with them but it's becoming irritable by the day especially when I have a lot going on at the moment. I want to speak to their parents but I don't want to seem patronising as I don't have kids of my own.

@glamourousglitter funnily enough! I'm a law student and have covered occupiers liability! they have no permission from me to enter my property, therefore are trespassing which prevents me and my mum being liable for any injury to them which is one thing I don't have to think about thankfully

Glamorous generally speaking, yes. It's why building companies and the like put 'we won't accept responsibility and keep out' on fences surrounding the perimeter.

OP. Swap you the naughty kids for my six foot brute of a neighbour kid adult who throws sweets and shit over my garden . He's the sodding father setting an example! I kick it back over to their side. He kicked off once over something a visitor did (rightly so) but he woke my DS up shouting so I told him to stfu. He was that shocked I'd stood up to him he stopped yelling They soon get the message that whilst I will keep the peace, I wont be a walkover.

I know it's a bit daunting as you don't know the reaction but you are going to have to tackle this head on. Dont let them treat you like this and regardless of whether there's adequate fencing or not they should not be playing on YOUR drive. You are not their parent. Next door is. If you don't tackle it now, it will continue. When I first moved into this house, it had been left empty for 18months. The neighbourhood children had took to playing in both gardens and one of the Mothers in the cul de sac still doesn't talk to me to this day because I told them it's not safe to play around my house without my prior knowledge or permission as I wouldn't be there to monitor no one got hurt. The kid accepted it but the mum couldn't believe I had the audacity to tell her darling to stop climbing on a very old dividing fence that was clearly not safe . Thankfully I did. It came crashing down a week later!

Can you get cctv too? In case they keep ignoring you and one of them hurts themselves on your property. As insurance for yourself more than anything.

gracey careful with the children & trespassers thing though. .

Have you done the Pearson case? Not saying you have lion in your driveway but it does talk about property being adequately marked off. Not sure how this would relate to private property as such though it's just an after thought you might want to consider with you mentioning one of the kids has LDs. My DS has LDs and the only place he's technically allowed to play out on his own is the back garden, with the six foot gate locked and he's usually with his sister anyway and I'm only a few yards away pottering in the kitchen.

Is there more practical ways you can isolate yourself from them too?

A good lock on the side gate and maybe erecting a small fence around your garden with lockable gates? Would physically stop them entering your front drive or peering through your window.

Obviously speak to the parents but my guess is with kids raised this way you won't get anywhere with the parents.

I don't think you need to be considering the learning difficulties in this situation. It isn't relevant. You need to be firm with both of them about what is not ok.

We have a Cold War with our neighbours because of their ill-mannered kids. It has gotten to the stage where I have fantasies about stabbing their balls (the toy variety - settle down) before I return them. I have a feeling the parents are quite happy that you don't have a car and you have somewhere for their kids to play. I would definitely be asking them to come and clean up thwir crap. If that doesn't work, I'd collect it and put it on the car that is in their driveway. I would also advise them that any damages incurred by their kids would be at their expense. Somehow I think that would be more motivating. Also - lock your gate. Maybe borrow a large, slavering dog?

Also - I started to collect their balls/frisbees/flying objects and told them I would return them to their parents on x day, and knocking on my doors or windows was going to have no effect. Of course they kept knocking, so I said "If you knock again I'm going to add an extra day." (And followed through) If you return the crap immediately, they get what they want and don't change their behaviour.

Time to be clear, direct and assertive with the parents , before you get so engaged you end up shouting inappropriately at the kids.

I would knock on the door, say that you think the parents might not be aware of all the ways the kids are just being kids, but could they ask their kids to stop on a list of specific issues :
No litter / mess in your garden
No peering in the windows
No coming into your garden to retrieve balls etc
You will throw balls etc back over twice a week to save daily disturbance .

Then be very firm / stern with the kids when they contravene these. Not 'hi guys, please clear up after yourselves ' but 'I see you have left this in my garden. Please remove it, right now'. 'Do NOT peer into my windows. It is very rude to look into other people's houses'. Remember kids are spoken to very firmly in school .

It will take a little while for the kids to get it. If they don't speak to the parents again .

Got back today to my gate open again, and the kids hovering round my house, they denied it obviously. So fuckin sick of this. Gonna speak to their mum when she gets back. Feral brats

Good on you OP. Make sure you explain they are trespassing and you no longer want them on ANY of your property including your drive. If you find they have been opening your gate again you will be contacting the police.

You obviously DO mind them playing on your driveway.

Why do people say "I honestly don't mind but"

Are they home alone?!

Definitely agree with those who've suggested being more assertive with both the children and parents, complaining to parents every time, and contacting PCSO.

I'd also suggest keeping a written record from now on of exactly what they're doing wrong and when -dates / times, including the swearing loudly and the banging on the door. It's evidence to back you up in future.

What happened OP? Dying to know.

I get on really well with my neighbours. I get on pretty well with the kids too - all the ones in the street, not just those next door. I can be kind and generous and i'm happy enough to engage them all in conversation about their games etc.

I don't however take any shit at all. never. they know this and know they will get read the riot act for antisocial stuff - running across the garden, banging their ball on a car or door etc. I've had to at times speak to their parents.

You need to be assertive. Everyone knows where they stand and are perfectly happy with that.

Good fences mean good neighbours - if you have no physical ones, then build metaphorical ones.

hi guys

knocked on to their parents and basically said I'm unhappy with all this and it's just not acceptable for them to have my property getting treat like a farm. And that them leaving my gate open puts my house at risk of robbery which I am not responsible for.

She asked me what proof I have and I said I'm not gonna stand and take photos of kids, and that it's blatantly obvious the gate opening is them because I've seen them trying to climb over in the past, and that if I was being robbed they'd have attempted robbery and came back in the night to at least attempt a break in. She said her kids said they didn't and I just told her to educate them properly and she asked me how many children I have so I walked away.

Nice experience

Did you tell her about the rubbish, the cheek, the peering in your windows etc?

Start taking photos (including the open gate, rubbish they leave etc) and she if she has a go about that, tell her she wanted proof...

Start telling the kids off yourself. Don't ASK them, TELL them. Consistently. Keep any balls that arrive in your backgarden, if theyre not kicking them in there they can't be theirs can they 😊

It's not fun, but if the parents refuse to talk to them it's your only option & you have to deal with this or as they grow it will get much worse. Start keeping a log. Make a list of the things they have done, make a note if the conversation today & then write a note every time something happens.

Told them everything haha :(

I told them off really bad before and said that if my house gets robbed it'll be them that gets in trouble. I was so annoyed I physically had to stop myself screaming and throwing a full blown tantrum

Definitely going to be writing stuff down they are quite frankly taking the piss

IF it's not massively inconvenient then put a bolt on the gate this weekend.

Put that path edging or a fence between your driveways - if you can't, paint a line town the middle.

Keep any balls etc that land in your garden. Do as justilo said and tell them you will return them to their parents on a Monday, one day longe each time they break the rules or pester for them.

They're already cheeky to you, you NEED to be firm. Very FIRM. And CONSISTENT.

"Can we have our ball back?"

"No sorry, it's not convenient. I'll return it to your mother tomorrow evening"

"You can't do that. It's mine. You're stealing it"

"No, you have lost it on private property which you have no right to enter. I will return it when it is convenient"

BANG on the door

"Give my kids back their ball"

"Oh hello! How are you?"

"My kids say you've nicked their ball"

"No of course not. Remember what I said yesterday about them being careless with their property, harassing me and trespassing? Well of course they're not going to change their antisocial behaviour, they've got no incentive. So, I'll return balls and lost property twice a week."

"You can't do that"

"I can. This is my private property and until your children learn to respect that, they will no longer be receiving favours from me. Please also inform them that it is a criminal offence to trespass. Entering my garden is trespassing."

Bring all their shit into your house so it's not retrievable including their rubbish if they refuse to clear it up and when you return their property to their parent make a point of giving them the rubbish from the bag first. The wrappers into their hand. Then the drink bottles.
"I don't want this, it's rubbish"
"Not do I, but your children left it in my garden so it's yours"

thanks for the tip guys
i knew it was them anyway their eyes were on me as soon as i walked on the street from my bus stop, plus all they said was "it wasn't me" surely they'd have seen who it was considering i was only gone around half an hour

fed up of these little shits, they had the cheek as well to bang on my door at 7:30pm to ask for the ball back, i said im busy, knock again at 7:45 asking again and i just said "in life you sometimes have to wait and not everyone will do what you want when you want, you're not my priority nor my responsibility so please go away and do not knock at this door again. You'll get it back when I'm not busy"

The ball is still in the garden....
I'm still busy. They can have it back once they stop fucking opening my gates

If you got to the point of telling your neighbors to 'educate their children properly' it sounds less of a firm setting of acceptable behavior and more a trading of general insults.

That kind of thing doesn't create change, it creates enemies.

Try sticking to the specific issues, specific rules and specific consequences. Then you might get somewhere.

Take the ball to your house, or they'll just egg each other on until they're brave enough to go get it themselves - you don't want to end up giving them more of a reason to enter your garden when you're not there!

I'd also steer clear of the life lessons as well. Just say:

'No. You can not go get your ball. You'll get it back xxx.

Stop knocking on my door. You'll get it back xxx. Goodbye.

Stop knocking at my door. If you knock again I will not return your ball for another day. Goodbye

And repeat til fade. The more you argue with them and get embroiled in justifying your desire to live without them over stepping your boundaries (in more ways than one), the more lee way you're giving them to annoy you and get under your skin.

You don't have to justify yourself to them. You don't have to make this a teaching moment. Stand firm and embrace repetition!

Ever see them in school uniform?

Google the school, find out the Head's name.

"What do you think that Mrs/Mr xxxxxx would think to your behaviour?" And then drop it.

Scared the absolute bejesus out of the kids who played football against my SIL's window. I went over, clocked the school and then asked them.

She's not seen them since!

I'd also get a lock on the gate. I'd probably set up a cheap camera in the back garden too.
I'd wamt evidence incase they damaged my property.
I'd also contact the police now, you've tried the parents.