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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be stressed about this?

53 replies

Stressedandnotatmybest · 09/11/2016 21:43

So I'm currently in a bit of a stressed place and I need some help (or a grip...!)

I'm one of those people who has always wanted children and I'm now at the age where it creeps into my mind more and more. To be honest seeing babies on TV/ friends having children makes me quite upset.

We are lucky to have bought a little house young, but it's just that - little. It's a 2 bed with a small second bedroom. I am worried we won't be able to size up. House prices are rocketing here and the 3 beds are slipping from our grasp, plus there's not many anyway. We have enough savings for another deposit.

I am so sad and stressed as we couldn't have children here and I feel like we are trapped here now...

I'm just venting really, I'm sorry.

OP posts:

Mummyme1987 · 09/11/2016 21:45

Can you go up into the roof or extend?

Original poster

Stressedandnotatmybest · 09/11/2016 21:51

No, unfortunately not. We love our house and would enlarge if it was in anyway possible but sadly not.

OP posts:

Blossomdeary · 09/11/2016 21:53

Why can't you have children there? You've got as much space as we had when we started our family.

It is possible to overthink these things. If everyone had no children until things were perfect there would be no children. Just go for it.

ineedamoreadultieradult · 09/11/2016 21:54

Sounds like you don't have any children at the moment. So 1 child is doable in your current house. Unless you are at high risk or twins I wouldnt let the fact your house is small put you off, people are very adaptable.

perditalost · 09/11/2016 21:57

Of course you could. We had a child in a tiny house and loads of our friends in 1 bed flats.

You dont need all of the crap that is pedalled such as changing tables and nursing chairs.

If you have 2 or 3 then you an DH can go in the tiny room- just a mattress/futon in it and nothing else (so as long as its 6ft by 5 foot you will fit in) and children can share the larger room with everyones clothes

Mummyme1987 · 09/11/2016 21:57

I'm sure someone will say it but my nan had 5 kids in 3 bedrooms. So two in one small room is doable. I shared a room until 10 with my brother. Was a box room.

Original poster

Stressedandnotatmybest · 09/11/2016 21:58

We could technically have a child here but only a little one- the second bedroom is tiny. I think my worry is - if we did then the childcare costs would change our financial position considerably and then we would definitely be stuck here and we couldn't get a big enough mortgage (as it'd be a struggle now) but on the other hand if we did get a bigger one now then disposable income would be much reduced and then could we afford everything? Gah I hate money.

OP posts:

Mummyme1987 · 09/11/2016 21:59

Nobody needs all the baby crap. Very little is actually needed. The rest is good marketing.

Mummyme1987 · 09/11/2016 22:00

Nobody has enough money for kids.

Mummyme1987 · 09/11/2016 22:01

If you wait until you have enough money or are ready it will never happen.

ineedamoreadultieradult · 09/11/2016 22:01

If you can fit a single bed in there you can fit a child (of any size) in there. If you want a child you will manage it. At the moment it sounds a little bit like you are looking for excuses not to have one.

Original poster

Stressedandnotatmybest · 09/11/2016 22:03

I'm not ineed - I don't think a single would fit - if it did it would be a squeeze- it's a very old house so has old fashioned dimensions (though our room is bigger than it needs to be!)

OP posts:

AntiHop · 09/11/2016 22:03

You can have a child there, or children. It sounds like you've got more space than I have, and I have a 2 year old. She shares our bedroom. I've got friends who've raised their kids in one bed homes, usually with the parents sleeping in the lounge after a certain age. I've got a friend who raised her 3 sons in a 2 bed flat.

I know what you mean, it's not how you pictured it. I thought I'd raise my kid/s in a nice little house with a garden and a dining room. What I have is very far from that. You have to adjust your expectations, unfortunately.

Deadsouls · 09/11/2016 22:03

Why could you not have children there? I had DS1 and lived in a one bedroom flat with Ex-DP. We all slept in the same room. It wasn't ideal, but we managed and were happy. My ds certainly isn't affected by it.
Then had DD and lived in a 2 bed flat.
What is the scenario you imagine?

AntiHop · 09/11/2016 22:07

Have you measured the room? I bet your could fit a single in there, especially a child's bed. When I was in a flat share years ago, my bedroom was so tiny that I couldn't fit a single bed in there. So I had a specially made shorter single bed. Your child will be fine in a bed like that.

Original poster

Stressedandnotatmybest · 09/11/2016 22:07

Thanks, you're both right and given me a reality check. I don't know, I feel guilty that I can't provide the same housing we were lucky enough to have as children, you know? But these are the times.

OP posts:

AntiHop · 09/11/2016 22:27

Totally agree. I feel really sad that I can't raise my dd in the kind of house I grew up in. I feel devastated that the likelihood is that we won't be able to have another child as we just can't afford it. It really sucks. All you can do it count your blessings.

LifeLong13 · 09/11/2016 22:30

For what it's worth- we moved from a one bed flat that was huge into a small 3 bed house went I fell pregnant. DD is 15 months & she still sleeps in our room. The other 2 bedrooms are wasted

clmustard · 09/11/2016 22:34

We were in a 1 bed flat till our dd was 3. It really isn't that bad

mum2Bomg · 09/11/2016 22:58

Having my first baby soon and we have a small rented 2 bed house. No dining room and a small garden but we will make do. The bedrooms are both the same size but i wouldn't give a monkeys if it was the size of a shoebox - we're having a baby!!!

Keeptrudging · 09/11/2016 23:46

They don't really play in their rooms until they're older anyway, so all they need is somewhere for a bed/clothes. Mine both tended to play in the living room/kitchen until 3ish, and even then they preferred to play/drag their toys to wherever I was!

Dieu · 09/11/2016 23:49

I think you're over thinking it. There is no perfect time to have kids.

FriedSprout · 10/11/2016 00:07

We waited until we felt we had everything in place, house, careers etc.
By this time I was early 30's. We had our first, and as it turned out only child because almost immediately after having baby I started into early menopause.
We count ourselves extremely lucky to have had a child, but so wish we hadn't waited until 'everything was in place'

MycatsaPirate · 10/11/2016 00:12

There's never a perfect time to have a child. You could have one now and lose your job or win the lottery next week. Life is uncertain.

But you'll manage. One of my friends was in a two bed flat with her husband and four children. How they managed I don't know but they did!

I had a one bed flat when I had DD1 and she slept in my room. I just put her little bed next to mine once she was out of the cot. I often woke up with a foot in my ear but it was no big deal.

oldlaundbooth · 10/11/2016 00:16

Please don't let this stop you having kids.

You'll manage, people do.

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