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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be stressed about this?

53 replies

Stressedandnotatmybest · 09/11/2016 21:43

So I'm currently in a bit of a stressed place and I need some help (or a grip...!)

I'm one of those people who has always wanted children and I'm now at the age where it creeps into my mind more and more. To be honest seeing babies on TV/ friends having children makes me quite upset.

We are lucky to have bought a little house young, but it's just that - little. It's a 2 bed with a small second bedroom. I am worried we won't be able to size up. House prices are rocketing here and the 3 beds are slipping from our grasp, plus there's not many anyway. We have enough savings for another deposit.

I am so sad and stressed as we couldn't have children here and I feel like we are trapped here now...

I'm just venting really, I'm sorry.

OP posts:
user1477282676 · 10/11/2016 00:22

God. At least you own a home! Try renting with two children. The constant fear of being told the owner is selling up and you need to find a suitable home AGAIN.

You sound defeatist and a little bit spoilt to be honest.

ILoveAutumnLeaves · 10/11/2016 00:35

Have the baby.

Housing will sort itself out.

Seriously - not being able to give them what you had isn't important. They need food & love. You can give them that.

Don't get sucked into buying all the baby crap. You really, really don't need it.

ILoveAutumnLeaves · 10/11/2016 00:37

You do not sound defeatist & spoilt.

You sound worried & disappointed.

Please don't wait until things are 'better'. You can wait too long & that's much harder, if not impossible, to fix - unlike who sleeps where.

Liiinoo · 10/11/2016 00:48

My DH and I delayed having a baby until we we thought we could get by on his salary alone. Within weeks of my resigning my well paid job a recession hit his industry and over two years he gradually took on a 25% pay reduction..and we managed. We would never have dared to have a baby on what he ended up earning, but when push came to shove it was okay. Looking back, those penniless, scrimping and saving days were the happiest days of my life.

There is never a 'perfect' time to have a child. But if you can imagine anyway of getting by in your small flat then it will probably work out ok. I would urge you to feel the fear and do it anyway.

Benedikte2 · 10/11/2016 00:53

Look at having built in furniture in the little room as it should save space.
Good luck

Lorelei76 · 10/11/2016 00:56

OP you say you have enough for another deposit? So is the mortgage the issue?

jamdonut · 10/11/2016 01:01

I had a 2 bed flat...with 3 children, eldest a boy, middle a girl, youngest a boy.

The 2 eldest shared a very small bedroom, big enough for bunk beds and some shelving units, the youngest was in our room till we realised we HAD to move! ( Youngest was 2 and a half, DD 6, eldest DS 10)
We ended up moving from Herts to East Yorkshire. This was the only way we could afford a house and garden big enough for us all. I do not regret the move one little bit.

GreatFuckability · 10/11/2016 01:05

I had 2 children in a small bed. We put the children in the master and we slept on a sofa bed in the living room, and used the second bedroom as a sort of dressing room where all adult clothes were stored.

waitingforsomething · 10/11/2016 01:05

Definitely over-thinking this. I had a baby in a one bedroom flat until she was 9 months. From conception to us moving this actually gave us 18 months before we felt like we were pushed for space.
You actually have a spare bedroom - of you course you could have a child there. Just do it if you want one, worry about the second child when you are closer to that point.

Nongoddess · 10/11/2016 01:06

Oh I was so worried about all sorts of things like this. But I think it's partly displaced anxiety about being a parent and whether you can match up to expectation. You can! You will! Just go for it if you and DP both feel the same and you'll be amazed by how little all the external stuff matters. Things might look really different in 4-5 years time when they start needing their own space: as posters have said, they can just be in with you for starters. I think I put so much on hold and just wish I'd got on with it as I longed to do earlier on... All the best!

YeOldMa · 10/11/2016 01:23

We once lived with 5 children in a 1 bed flat which had a small utility room which we turned into a bedroom. You couldn't swing a cat in it and it wasn't ideal but at least we were altogether and had a roof over our heads. You can make it work if you really want it badly enough and if everyone waited until they could afford kids comfortably, there'd be fewer of them around!

lilyb84 · 10/11/2016 01:31

I'm in a rented 1 bed with no prospect of buying (possibly ever). DH lost his job shortly before our ds was born in January. He has a new one now, but now I'm facing potential redundancy. I think stress and uncertainty are just par for the course but you just work it out as you go! You're in a good position as a home-owner and your situation now won't necessarily be your situation in a few months or years time.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 10/11/2016 02:20

We had eight of us (DH and I, 3 teens and 3 younger children) in a three bedroom house for years. You just get on with it.

KC225 · 10/11/2016 07:19

There is never a right time to have a baby. Something could always be better, bigger, paid off etc. As the poster above says, no one has enough money for a baby. You have to close your eyes, hold your nose, take a deep breath and jump off the cliff.

Just to say, we had twins in a one bedroomed flat.

Good luck OP

LetsAllEatCakes · 10/11/2016 07:55

No one has enough money for a baby, don't put your life on hold for a house. Besides which you could ttc and become pregnant quickly or it could take years. You never know.

Skittlesss · 10/11/2016 08:00

If you don't think you can afford to buy a bigger house then is there an option of making the smaller room bigger? Our previous house had this - the two bedrooms were next to each other and my dad (my parents owned it) had knocked the wall down between them and then built it up again adding a bit more to the smaller room. We could then fit two beds in there - we lived there for nearly 4 years with 2 children.

Original poster
Stressedandnotatmybest · 10/11/2016 13:08

Hi everyone.

Just catching up with this now on my lunch break.

That you so much everyone that has responsed - I feel so much better now and the tiny bedroom is feeling much bigger now. We spoke about it last night and feel much more confident in ours.

The little one can't be made bigger without extensive building work (chimney).

I am sorry to the person who thought I was spoilt, I think that's a little unfair - we worked very hard and scrimped and saved for the deposit (as everyone does), we bought was the could afford and we absolutely love it so we made the right decision.

I feel much more positive, thank you everyone for your input and I'm in awe of everyone that's made things work - us humans are adaptable!

OP posts:
Original poster
Stressedandnotatmybest · 10/11/2016 13:09

Ourselves*

OP posts:
Matchingbluesocks · 10/11/2016 13:15

I disagree with PP. What I would do is exhaust your options first. It's amazing what can happen when you put your mind to it.

Firstly, why can't you extend your
Mortgage?

Secondly, can you move to a cheaper area? We have moved to a deeply unfashionable boring area to get our house. It is what it is. Practically everywhere in the country has a cheaper area!

Next, better paid jobs- what's stopping that?

Matchingbluesocks · 10/11/2016 13:16

And plenty of people can afford babies, or wait until they can. Everyone I know can/ has

LifeLong13 · 10/11/2016 22:08

Good luck OP!

15 months in and not only does our DD sleep in our room, she's also in our bed 90% of the time...so could've saved cot space too ha ha!

jamdonut · 12/11/2016 10:04

Matchingblueocks

Why would you assume they haven't thought about extending their mortgage? I would think that was the first thing they thought!

We lived in a 50% shared ownership flat ,that had been in negative equity almost from the day we bought it! It was like that for 10 years.Then there was a sudden change in property prices ( especially in flats ) in our area, and we found that we still didn't have a hope in hell of getting anywhere bigger, or getting jobs which paid enough to get a bigger mortgage. So in the end, we moved to the East Riding, where property was very, very much cheaper, and we were able to get a 3 bedroomed house with a big garden for almost the same as the 50% share of our little flat in Hertfordshire.

We had no jobs to come to, but we were still able to get the small mortgage we needed, thankfully. Luckily, We did get jobs fairly quickly. Not high pay, but enough to manage.
I don't know anyone who waited to have a baby. Mine were all 'surprises' particular l my 3rd....don't know where he came from!!! Blush
Most babies are happy accidents, in my opinion.

Matchingbluesocks · 12/11/2016 14:52

Because many people don't realise how much they can borrow until they try

lucylockett27 · 12/11/2016 16:00

Have the baby. You are stressing yourself out unnecessarily. No one knows what the future will hold.

allowlsthinkalot · 12/11/2016 16:06

We have four dc in a 3 bedroom house. We can't afford to buy, it's rented. It really isn't going to matter and once dc are here nothing is going to be the ideal that you envisaged anyway, your perspective will change.

If you want kids you're just going to have to have them.

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