Mental health difficulties - how to tell work boss in email

[PamplemousseRouge]

Hi everyone,

Recently, I've really been struggling with work (I've started training to be a teacher) and with my home life (moved into a house share with housemates who I'd never met before).

I went to a nearby hospital this evening to explain the situation and how it's affecting my mental health. The staff were wonderful - extremely understanding and kind.

They've suggested that I take time out of time if I need to.

I'm just drafting an email to my head of department to let him know about the situation with my mental health. I was told by the staff at the hospital that I can reveal as much or as little as I feel the need to in the email. However, I'm finding it difficult to explain my situation clearly and concisely so that my HoD is fully aware of how I'm feeling and how to help and support me if necessary.

I would be extremely grateful if anyone had any ideas on here about how I can write the email. I'm really sorry - I'm just really struggling, and would hugely appreciate some guidance :)

Thank you!

I'm a manager and someone in my team was struggling in the same way as you. To start with they didn't tell me how much they were suffering or what with. As a result, I couldn't help them.

They later disclosed how they had been feeling but at this stage they had begun feeling suicidal. They told me everything and I was then able to offer support through occupational health and also counselling (through work).

They've been off for 8 weeks and just returned. They're doing much better now but I think the support and help we were able to provide helped.

Depending in your employer and your boss I would recommend telling them everything. You don't need to put this in an email. Get signed off, have a chat with them on the phone to confirm what you are suffering with and then send an email to confirm when you will be signed off until (with a copy of your Dr's note).

As a manager, I wasn't annoyed with this person, I was pleased they felt they could tell me what was happening in the end, and we paid them in full until they felt able to return. They're now completing a phased return to work over the coming weeks.

If it helps, this person found the time to get their medication right and to go to the gym/long walks and has told me that really helped them.

Great advice from OnTheRoses re a step by step to do list.

I've been fortunate so far to of suffer from mental health issues but if I feel overwhelmed writing a to do list helps me plan my day and also feel productive/prioritise. Then if I can't do it all I know where to start the next day. I love nice stationary so maybe treat yourself to a lovely new notebook you can use for a to do list, or even use a post-it note type application on your phone.

Look after yourself, have a healthy lunch and dinner, drink lots and for a walk. Even it's not nice weather you may feel better for getting some fresh hair.

Another tip if your room feels disorganised is to get some storage solutions. B&M is great for this as lots of options and relatively inexpensive. So get a tub or basket for dirty washing, another for clean washing to be kept in it's out away (ideally straight away if you feel up to it). Also get a storage box for your Uni stuff i.e. Books/stationary if you don't have a permanent desk you can keep books etc on.

Good luck and stay strong

How did the GP go op? Hope you are ok. Have been thinking of you.

Thank you so much everyone for your support!! It's been amazing to have all of this help from you all :)

Sorry for only updating you all now! So my relative came around earlier, and they've been incredible. An absolute lifesaver. They took charge of everything really calmly - listened to me, waited while I had a bit of a cry, we tidied everything and picked up some boxes to put things away, and my room looks so much better now. It's been absolutely brilliant having my relative over - everything feels so much more manageable, and it feels so nice to be looked after and taken care of for a bit.

I went to the GP as well, who's referring me for counselling, and I've booked a follow up appointment for a couple of weeks' time. Have also popped to local library and borrowed a couple of books an DVDs, which has really lifted my mood as well.

Will keep you all updated (if you don't mind!) over the next few days.

Thank you so so much everyone, I'm massively grateful for all of your help! xxx

Good. Well done you for taking control and recognising when you need help.

Glad you've had some support from your relative and saw the gp. A counselling referral is a start, have they signed you off work for a length of time? If so Id recommend writing a timetable for your days they can be long when you are not at work, make sure you plan some light exercise such as a wAlk in every day, some time to get things organised that are stressing you out such as the room tidying, plan nice meals to eat and an hour a day watching something you enjoy or reading a book. Try to tackle each day as it comes and write a list of positive things you have done each day.

Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better 😊 A close relative of mine suffers from poor mental health and your situation feels v similar, so I thought about you lots yesterday.

Does it have to be via email? From my experience the best way to inform a manager about mental illness is face to face. I suffer from anxiety and arranged a meeting with the most senior manager in our function to discuss it, and he was lovely & helped me arrange all kinds of things at work but did say that he was glad we could speak about it as he had no idea how awful anxiety could be & that if he'd been emailed about it would probably have referred straight to HR.

So pleased for you! Well done for looking after yourself!

I'm glad your visit from relative, and other things, have helped lift your mood.

Thank you so much again everyone!

I'm back at work today, and to be honest it's been very stressful. My manager doesn't yet know why I had the day off yesterday, and I'm nervous about telling him to be honest.

I'm so sorry to sound so defeatist. It really feels as if I'm back at square one unfortunately. In struggling so much with the teaching and with the general behaviour of my students, and it's absolutely wearing me out day in day out.
I really don't think I'm meant for teaching.

I'm not sure what to do now. I'm not sure it'll be possible for me to be signed off work as I'm training, but i just feel so upset. Yesterday I felt really positive and strong, but now I'm really struggling. Thankfully my relative will be staying with me tonight as well, but I'm not sure how I'll cope when they leave.

I feel so frustrated with myself.

Try not to. Teaching is bloody hard without having mental health issues as well! Can you retreat to your patents or a relatives while you apply for other jobs etc if you feel teaching isn't for you?

You may well be right about teaching. It is a hugely full on and emotionally challenging occupation that challenges people with the most robust of mental health. Think carefully about whether it is right for you especially if you are already struggling with the role. I have a lot of sympathy with your situation but fear that teaching could break you.

Well done PampelmousseRouge, you sound like you are coping extremely well with a very difficult situation. I know first hand how teaching can exacerbate mental health conditions, it takes everything you've got.

Please do contact your union, this is exactly what they are there for. Teaching unions are very experienced with dealing with mental health problems, and in my experience are very helpful. They will give you advice on coping with your job and on dealing with SLT in regards to your health. They will even mediate on your behalf if necessary. I would urge you to do this right away.

I would also advise that you take a week off, give yourself some breathing space and try to get yourself on an even keel before going back.

I have found mindfulness meditation really helpful - the Headspace App is brilliant. Good luck whatever you do. Be kind to yourself.

As a long term teacher, I'm afraid I agree with you that unfortunately teaching probably isn't for you. It's can be stressful even when you know what you're doing and must be 20x worse when training. It's certainly not the job it used to be.

Thank you again everyone for your help so far. It really means a lot. I will update you on the situation tomorrow. You are all wonderfully supportive.

I think try to have the conversation with your manager ASAP! That hanging over you may be adding to today's stresses