Mental health difficulties - how to tell work boss in email

[PamplemousseRouge]

Hi everyone,

Recently, I've really been struggling with work (I've started training to be a teacher) and with my home life (moved into a house share with housemates who I'd never met before).

I went to a nearby hospital this evening to explain the situation and how it's affecting my mental health. The staff were wonderful - extremely understanding and kind.

They've suggested that I take time out of time if I need to.

I'm just drafting an email to my head of department to let him know about the situation with my mental health. I was told by the staff at the hospital that I can reveal as much or as little as I feel the need to in the email. However, I'm finding it difficult to explain my situation clearly and concisely so that my HoD is fully aware of how I'm feeling and how to help and support me if necessary.

I would be extremely grateful if anyone had any ideas on here about how I can write the email. I'm really sorry - I'm just really struggling, and would hugely appreciate some guidance :)

Thank you!

Thank you Bumplovin and Trifle. Trifle, it appears that my school's absence policy ask staff to declare the nature of their illness on the first day of absence. I'm worried, as I would prefer not to disclose what the nature of the illness is.

Don't end the e mail. Phone in the morning and say you are ill and don't mention the hospital. You can self certify for 7 days so do that and make something up like a virus (some sickness policies you have to say what your have got on the first day ) . Then go to the doctor to be signed off for longer if needed.

Thanks fleecyjumper. I'm struggling to decide how to disclose the nature of my illness because my school policy asks staff to disclose the nature of their illness on the first day of absence, and I would prefer not to do this. I'm not sure how to get around this situation.

I would appreciate if anyone has any guidance please. I'm really struggling with this.

If I were you I'd say it's of a personal nature and you'll update post GP visit. Which presumably you will as either you'll be signed off or be returning to work. Don't fib, it won't go well.

Thank you BusStopBetty :) that sounds like the best course of action to take. I'll let you know how it goes. Thank you so much to everyone for all of your advice so far, I really appreciate it.

Don't have any advice to give but just stopping by to show support, as an ex teacher I think the advice to avoid disclosing the nature of your illness for now would be wise and saying you will update post GP visit. My experience is that schools are remarkably unsupportive places when it comes to mental health.

I am finding this thread so sad that people need to hide MH problems.

Hopefully you will find a solution as I know how hard it is to have MH problems and this for me would send my anxiety through the roof

OP, hope you've had a good night's sleep and hope whichever you've decided to do is ok

You are employed but you are also in training. To complete your training you need to be deemed fit to meet the requirements for teacher training throughout.

This is something that you seriously need to consider.

Hope your GP appointment goes ok.

Hi. Im a teacher with 3 mental health diagnoses.
Tbh, in your position, unless I genuinely thought I would kill myself, I would be going in today.
Actually even if I did, I would be going in to try to keep myself safer than being home alone.
And as a member of SLT, I would be very concerned about someone who emailed in saying that they were off today because the hospital told them not to come in 'if they needed to'.

You need to take responsibility for this. If you are genuinely ill enough to be off sick then you are so ill that you need to tell your Head. If you're thinking of lying then that makes me think that it is not yet that serious. When I've had time off, I've been so ill that even trying to consider a lie has been impossible. You will also need occy health support if you're genuinely not well enough to return to school.

Think carefully. I would go in today, leave at 4 and see GP after.

catchthetide well, I think we can see why people are telling OP to beware of stigma and unsupportive SLT! You don't get to decide that she 'isn't ill enough'. And it's ridiculous to claim that you're well enough to teach as long as you're not completely suicidal: do you really take the responsibility of being in charge of a class that lightly?

Okay. HR here.

You telephone
You are too unwell to go in today and making an urgent GP appointment.
You will let them know how you are in 24/48 hours

Hope you feel better op. Get advise/diagnosis from GP and treatment plan. Assume the A&E,people were generalists so I'd take their comments with a pinch of salt. GP discussion does need to focus on supporting you to go back to work.

You haven't really said what the problem is. What made you go to a&e.

Thank you everyone for your support. I have phoned my school to let them know and also emailed with cover work.

I have just booked a GP appointment for this evening, which was the earliest appointment available.

OhTheRoses I'm really struggling with mental health difficulties at the moment.

I gather that but MH is as broad as physical health in many ways. It will be very important to establish if there is an underlying condition to make sure you get the right support.

Meanwhile if there's any suicidal ideation please call the Samaritans. Did you get a MH assessment in A&E last night?

Samaritans: 116123

Look after yourself

Thanks OhTheRoses. In terms of my mental health, the problem/situation is feelings of extreme anxiety, extreme stress and low self esteem. When I went to the hospital yesterday, the hospital psychiatric team also felt that my feelings tied in with 'reactive depression', which they described as feeling depressed because of a situation rather than due to a long-term depressive illness.

I wasn't sure how much to reveal so far in this thread, but I feel that it's important that I reveal a few more details just in the interest of wanting to build as clear and comprehensive a picture as possible.

Since childhood, I have had persistent feelings of low self-esteem. These feelings possibly turned into reactive depression at several points, particularly when I was a teenager.

During ny final year at school, several years ago now, one of my best friends took her own life. This was extremely traumatic, and the memories of this event have returned at certain points. A few weeks ago, a colleague (not at my school, but someone who I knew from training) took their own life. I didn't know them very well, but the situation was certainly very stressful and traumatic for myself and for other students on the course. This event also brought back memories of what had happened when my school friend passed away.

At university, particularly during my second year and my final year, I had constant feelings of anxiety and panic. I felt several times as if I was going to have a panic attack, although I don't think I've ever actually had a full panic attack.

Shortly before my final year at uni, I began to have really painful stomach aches and nausea. I was concerned that these might point to something more serious, so I saw several GPs in England and abroad ( I was living abroad when the stomach pains started). I also had a scan when I came back to the UK after living abroad. These pains were eventually put down to acute stress. However, as I'd never had them previously, I was anxious about what they could have been, which probably further increased my general feelings of anxiety.

This year, during my teacher training so far, is the lowest I've ever felt. Right now, I don't have any suicidal ideation, however this has been the case further back in the past and more recently.

Pamplemousserouge, that is extremely honest of you. I'm sorry you have been through all of this, and from your history can see how you could struggle at certain points (I can see this from my own history with similar too). I am studying to be a Counsellor, so I hope you don't mind me pointing you in this direction, but have you had counselling in the past? If you wanted to pm me I would be happy to discuss further with you but if not I hope this thread gives you what you need. Unfortunately you are in a situation that will need to be sorted through at some point, so I hope that a bit of time will help now.

Meemolly thank you very much for your post and your support. I have had counselling in the past - mostly at uni, and I've found it very helpful when I accessed it.

I am hoping to find some counselling near where I live, and will be asking my GP in my appointment today to recommend counselling services nearby. I am particularly interested in CBT services, as I have heard very positive things about CBT but have not yet had a chance to use it as a service.

In my honest opinion I would go for Counselling first, as from what you write, there is some deep seated emotional stuff you need to explore first, and then perhaps move into CBT when you have worked through some stuff. As difficult and painful as it is, you need to bear in mind that outside of your own emotional space, your course tutors and employers will not go easy on you if they understand this stuff about you, they will not be able to pick you up and carry you through this, you need to work through it yourself. As much support as you got through the hospital, and I can appreciate you needed that support in that moment, there is a side of your post that is making me concerned as you appear to be almost suggesting that school will go easier on you if they understand where you are mentally. But unfortunately (or realistically), they just want you to show up and get on with it ultimately, as much as they can try and understand where you are emotionally and mentally. I feel like you need somewhere to lean right now and I really think a good counsellor will work through that with you. To try and work towards being able to do that for yourself. Good luck, go easy on yourself, it sounds to me like this has been bubbling away waiting to find a way to vent.

Thank you Meemolly. This is really helpful. It is so useful at this stage to have clear and specific advice, as I haven't known so far what my options are in terms of how to tackle this situation.

Oh love. Best wishes for your doctors apt today. Am at work now but will try to pm you later. Waits for counselling are long on the NHS. Organisations like Relate (not all couples counselling at all nowadays) and,Heads Together if you are under 25 are very good.

As it's so long standing but with triggers I wonder if something like ADHD could be going on in the background. Worth a little thought. Also think about what you want from the GP apt a d take some notes if it helps.

Thank you everyone again for all of your advice and support so far. If anyone has any further information to add here that they feel may be useful, I would be grateful.

A family member has very kindly offered to visit me and stay over tonight, which will be really helpful.

My school and training provider are also both fully aware of today's situation.

I know this may sound strange or silly, but I would appreciate it if someone could please just break things down a bit for me into small bite sized actions. My room is a bit of a tip at the moment, and I've got work for training (not marking or school based work) that I still need to catch up on.

Should I focus on tidying my room first or on the work? Sorry if this seems like a silly question - I just feel unable to think right now, and a bit lost and stressed if I'm honest. In terms of clearing my room and setting it up properly, would anyone have any solutions for how I can make it relatively clutter-free and relaxing?

Thank you everyone.

Hi my dear, I have your pm and have replied to you but it won't currently send which is really annoying. I'm sorry, I will keep trying. Ok, so your room is a mess, so don't turn that into a huge monster. It always seems worse. Try tidying up the essentials to get you to a place where you can do some other work. Put some music on when you tidy? Don't judge yourself for being messy, you've got a lot on right now and it's ok to have a messy room. Most of all, breathe, breathe, breathe.. You will get through this. It will be ok. x

I'm really glad someone's coming to support you.

I'd start on your room because if your environments tidy it's easier to focus on other things.

I'd do this:

Make your bed
Everything on floor, ie, clothes, towels, etc. put on the bed.
If you've a table heap everything else on there.

Now, back to the bed.
Put all the dirties in the laundry bag/basket
Now a pile of tops, skirts, trousers and put each pile away.

When you've sorted the clothes, turn to the desk/table. Pick out the dirty cups/plates etc, wash them up and put them away.
Sort out your papers - pile for chucking, pile for filing, pile of books, put all the pens and pencils in a clean mug.

Do it a little,bt at a time. You'll be surprised what a difference five minutes on each task makes. Am imagining my 18 year olds bed/study here.

Have you eaten today?