To ask dh to attend a party

[MrsRobinson79]

Have been invited to childhood friends mums 60th. I doubt I will know many people there just the friend and her mum who will obv be busy talking to other guests. Asked dh if he wanted to come (thinking he would just say yes) he says no I will look after the Dcs. It's not a problem to sort a babysitter. He has said he will come if I want him to but he's making out its a big deal and that he shouldn't have to come. My thinking is that these are the kind of events you would just expect your partner to come to a) it looks like he's snubbing them and b) because I don't know many people would be nice to have someone there with me. If it were his friends mums 60th I wouldnt question attending.
I'm mainly concerned about point a. Or am I being old fashioned??

Aibu or is he?

Could you sell it to him that you'll only stay for an hour or so then the two of you could go out to dinner or something?

Are you likely to want to spend a whole evening with people you don't know?

I would expect DP to join me in the same situation yes, and would be a bit annoyed if he didn't. I wouldn't fall out about it, but I'm quite happy chatting to strangers all night if need be.

He is. No reason he couldn't come to keep you company and have a night out as a bonus! I would expect my DH to accompany me and vice versa

TBH I find it weird that you are going to a friends mums birthday in the first place. I would go with DH in those circumstances if he really wanted me to but tbh I'd rather not as it would make me feel super awkward and uncomfortable tone somewhere I basically know zero people.

If it was my friends mum's 60th, I wouldn't be attending let alone expecting someone else to tag along that presumably doesn't know her nearly so well.

I don't think hibu to not want to go. I don't think YABU to want him to. Y would bu to expect him to and insist that he goes though. Why should he go to something he clearly doesn't want to just because you are?

It's the sort of invitation that feels great when you get it, but on the day you feel
very unenthusiastic about going.

He's said he doesn't want to go (tbf, it sounds like neither do you much) but he will go if you want him to. That sounds like he's being reasonable -- what else do you expect him to do?

Are you cross because he's phrasing it as "doing you a favour" (which it sort of is) and you want him to pretend he wants to go?

I wouldn't expect another adult to attend an event they had no interest in just because I wanted to go.

it looks like he's snubbing them

Depends why he's been invited. If he has a friendship with your friend's mum independently of yours, then they might be sorry not to see him. Although I don't suppose they'd think of it as 'snubbing'.

If he doesn't know your friend's mum and he's only been invited out of politeness, as your other half, then I don't suppose they'll think anything of it.

I would also expect him to come. You're a couple.

YABU. If my DH gave me that offer, I wouldn't want to go either. It doesn't sound like a lot of fun, tbh. And he has said he will go. So I don't see how he is being unreasonable at all.

He can't snub these people, as he doesn't know them. If you want to go, go and leave him in peace with the tv. You are not joined at the hip.

I am really not being funny, but the thought of someone's mum's 60th birthday party fills me with horror. Your friend fair dos. But I would hate it if I had to attend my OH's friend's mum's 60th.

If you won't know many people, it sounds as though he'll know even fewer. I wouldn't want to go to something like that either. YABU.

He said he'd go if you wanted him too, that's pretty much the deal, he supports you if you need it - although why you'd go to a party you need support for suggests that should be pretty rare!

So YABU, he's invited purely as your partner, it's not a snub not to go!

I wouldn't want to go in that situation.

I go to plenty of things I don't really want to go to. It's called being partners and supporting each other. If you only ever did what was best for you and everyone else only ever did what was best for them, you might as well be single.

It's called being partners and supporting each other.

If it was a close friend or relative's funeral, or a big event in op's own family, I'd probably agree with you. But I don't see why an adult should need support to spend a couple of hours making conversation with people she might not know. That's a normal part of everyday adult life, isn't it?

Harriet: I think going along to slightly dull but somewhat obligatory events with your partner to keep them company is what you do when you care about them. Call me crazy.

I go to plenty of things I don't really want to go to. It's called being partners and supporting each other.

Why would you need support to go to a party? Unless it is truly going to be a horrific party in which case, you can't blame anyone else for not wanting to attend.

I think going along to slightly dull but somewhat obligatory events with your partner to keep them company is what you do when you care about them. Call me crazy.

I think if you care about someone, you don't drag them to things like this when you know they really don't want to go.

I also don't think your spouse's childhood friend's mother's 60th birthday is even somewhat obligatory.

Well we may differ on that. I go to lots of things that are not strictly necessary and are quite boring. I expect the same consideration from my husband.

Should you check with the host first? It doesn't sound as though your dh was actually invited.
I wouldn't put pressure on my dh to attend if he didn't want to, to be honest.

I would not expect him to go at all and I wouldn't feel I needed him there. If he wanted to go then that would be fine but if he didn't then that's fine too and very understandable.

Yabu

Why did you ask him if he wanted to go, if what you meant was "I want you to go"?

Yabu
A) isn't a factor at all.