Friend's son using drugs? WWYD

[SuperMoonIsKeepingMeUpToo]

I've known my friend for 12 years, ever since our children started nursery together. We've been very close over the years, although we've not seen so much of each other in the last year or so. Her son is just about to turn 15.

I bumped into one of the other nursery mums a few weeks ago, who told me that friend's son had messaged her daughter (17 yo) asking whether she had any weed (the mum only knows as she has access to her daughter's messenger account, unbeknownst to daughter). The daughter, on the advice of her trainee policeman boyfriend's advice, deleted the message (she'd sent him a screenshot of the message, this is what the mum saw). What, if anything, should I do? How do I let friend know without compromising the other woman's relationship with her daughter?

Tricky, but I would stay out of it. The only evidence you have is second hand (unless they sent you the screenshot).

This might be a good time to bring up the subject of drugs with your own child, just to keep communication open. We did this with DS1, and he felt comfortable enough to come and tell me the first time he was offered some.

You don't know anything apart from that he sent her a message. Stay out of it.

Yeah I agree - first thing to do is tell the 17 year old that her mum is invading her privacy.

the mum only knows as she has access to her daughter's messenger account, unbeknownst to daughter

That is awful!

I expect there's a reason he asked the 17 year old, it wouldn't have been random!
I don't think there's much you can do, you don't know how true it is, or the context.

She has access to her 17yr old dds messages! That's going to end well, how disrespectful.

I wouldn't say anything unless you see her ds smoking drugs or have actual proof he uses drugs.

Stay well out of it.

I agree. Tell the daughter that her mother is invading her privacy.

blue he could be trying to impress some other kids by getting weed for them. Doesn't mean he uses it.

Well perhaps you can't tell her but I'd stay well out of the drug communication.

Stay out of it ,could've been a joke or trying to impress her.

Should she not be more concerned that someone was asking her daughter for drugs? Surely she would be known for using them otherwise he wouldn't think to ask her?

well, quite. I was a pot-smoking 15 year old (like quite a lot of people, I suspect, I was certainly not alone at my school) and there's no way I'd be going round asking just anyone if they had any weed. There were well-established supply lines.

Stay WELL out of it!

Well first you need to tell the 17 year old girl that her mum is reading her messages.

A) Weed is hardly the worst thing in the world
B) Woman should be more worried about her daughter than the lad. From my experience, there were well established people who knew where to get it. I'd imagine 17yo knows where to get it, hence why she was being asked.

No, that's their family business, people shouldn't be telling anyone about messages or drugs. The mum might have very good reason for accessing her daughter's account.

The mum might have very good reason for accessing her daughter's account.

At 17 and without her knowledge? I really don't think so.

I can't see that it can be right for mum to access 17 year old's messages, for friend to know about it and daughter not to know she's being monitored.

What a fucking busybody the other mum is! Spying on her almost ADULT daughter's private messages sent to her boyfriend and then gossiping about it!

I bet she forwarded it to the trainee policeman boyfriend because he could sort it!

And that she deleted it because it incriminated HER bit the 15 year old.

I am on the fence.
(Keep in mind I was a druggie teen, too, outgrew drugs by time I was 15).

My gut feeling is that it's insufficient to go on, you've only got a rumour and it's only a question from the lad, not evidence of problem use.

BUT if someone said they were my friend & had strong evidence of an ongoing drug problem, I'd consider it a betrayal if they didn't tell me something. They don't have to explain how they knew & I wouldn't freak out.

OP: you know the real people and you know best whether this information would be useful or just create more problems.