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Original poster

Ex refusing I return 3yo after contact

144 replies

Mooey89 · 05/11/2016 17:24

Contact 10-4 Saturdays. No overnights due to catalogue of concerns re home environment/domestic abuse
Waiting for court on Dec 5th.

Went for contact today, due home at 4, text saying he is keeping him overnight will return him tomorrow at 6 and there is nothing I can do about it. DS hadnt stayed overnight there for 6 months. He left this morning thinking he would be coming back to me after.

Police can't do anything without a court order.
He's also stopped maintenance this month to 'punish' me.

He's such a cunt.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mooey89 · 06/11/2016 14:29

He said Daddy didn't have pyjamas so he slept in his 'wake up top' so he obviously slept in it and then wore it today - dad also has a lodger who has sole use of main bathroom - there's a shower downstairs but it's too dirty to use. He was bathing him in the sink.

It looks like he has dinner, breakfast, toothpaste on him. Smelt of wee too. DS said that daddy didn't have nappies (for nighttime) so I imagine he wet the bed and no wash this morning.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mooey89 · 06/11/2016 14:34

Oh and he's Learnt 'you say honey, I say G' so think he was watching X factor last night - he's absolutely shattered.
Burst into absolute desperate sobs at lunchtime out of nowhere. Just out of sorts basically.

OP posts:
coconutpie · 06/11/2016 14:34

Oh my goodness, your poor DS Sad No more visitation after this until a court order is in place.

coconutpie · 06/11/2016 14:35

What did your ex say to you when you picked up DS?

BoboBunnyH0p · 06/11/2016 14:36

Aww the poor Lamb, make sure you document everything. At least he is now home and safe.

Original poster
Mooey89 · 06/11/2016 14:37

He didn't answer the door, my 11 year old step DD did.

OP posts:
TheresAlwaysTimeForTea · 06/11/2016 14:38

Glad you got him back OP - what a bloody git your ex is. Hope you manage to get things sorted.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 06/11/2016 14:51

Poor little soul, so glad you have him back anyway - can't believe what a selfish wanker your ex was to put him through that just to spite you. :(

Hope you can take steps to prevent anything like that happening again Thanks

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/11/2016 14:54

Poor little kid. And your poor step dd. Sounds crap at your exes house. What a manchild.

JenLindleyShitMom · 06/11/2016 14:54

What a fucking asshole. He would have his child sleep in dirty clothes with no nappy so he wet himself, probably slept in his own urine?? Just to make a point to you in revenge of that solicitors letter. Well he's fucked his chances at overnights now hasn't he? He has proven he can't actually provide for his son overnight.

Domino20 · 06/11/2016 15:00

Make sure you bring up the lodger both as an income source with CMS and as an unknown adult that may have access to your son during overnight visits.

Original poster
Mooey89 · 06/11/2016 15:04

domino will they take that into account?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mooey89 · 06/11/2016 15:04

For CMS I mean

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 06/11/2016 15:23

Recordings may not admissible in court, but they're a valuable tool none the less. Recordings can be listened to by solicitors, law enforcement, and SS.

Trust me, if you have a recording of him being threatening or threatening to keep your son, they will sit up and take notice. It will influence decisions, even if they can't be cited in official paperwork.

And it was amazing how my BFF's ex changed in his manner when he realized she was recording him. He threw it in her face that 'it's not admissible in court' and she replied 'No, but I'm sure your parents would be interested in it and so will Child Services'.

EveOnline2016 · 06/11/2016 15:57

How awful for you.

Imo it doesn't matter if he is the father of the year no parent should mess around with agreed contact. It's not fair on the other parent.

Especially last night when plans may have been made with bonfire night

ohtheholidays · 06/11/2016 16:02

Honestly OP I'd ring SS today,did they ring you back at all?

I'd let them know what happened,what a state he's in,about the fact that he stinks of wee(the fact that your ex took his son and kept him knowing he had no nappies for him or clothes and did nothing to rectify that won't look good for him)the fact that your DS has been so upset and do mention about the lodger you don't know this other man or anything about him and I'd be worried that your ex may not know anything about him neither.

Report it all to SS for your sons and your DSD sakes,if he's managed to screw up that much in 1 night with your DS I'd dread to imagine what life there could be like for your 11 year old DSD.

I used to work with SS and I'd have been concerned for your DS and his DD's welfare.

Aeroflotgirl · 06/11/2016 16:08

Can I be completely frank. SS or the Police will not be interested unfortunately, unless your ds was being physically or sexually abused. My friend is going through exactly the same for years, with her ds who is 8, ss were not interested. Unsupervised Contact was awarded by the court to her abusive and nasty ex, who uses her ds as a porn in his games. She is seen as the protective parent, so according to ss, he is safe as he's with her mist of the time. Is contact court awarded?

Aeroflotgirl · 06/11/2016 16:13

If it is court awarded and he breeches it, contact your solicitor.

JenLindleyShitMom · 06/11/2016 16:36

I have no idea whether this is a "thing" or not but In this situation I would still contact SS and the police despite it not being an emergency because I wouldn't want to get to court, explain all that has happened and the judge then to say "well did you call the police/SS? No? Well either you weren't that concerned or you aren't lying about these things happening. I'd be calling them as a "covering all bases" action for future records.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/11/2016 08:52

Aeroflot - really not trying to be snarky, but at what point does leaving a 3 yo in his own soiled nappy all night, and not washing him, cease to be neglect and become abuse? How many times does it have to happen before SS agree it's physical abuse? Really interested in the answer, as I said, not being snippy.

PoldarksBreeches · 07/11/2016 09:05

Thumbwitch
It is neglectful parenting. No doubt. But children's services would expect the mother to stop contact. Only if she is unable or unwilling to do so would they step in.

Rockingaround · 07/11/2016 09:20

Omg just caught up with this OP,
I felt sick to my stomach reading about your sons night, no nappies and staying up so late Shock. I would never let him go to see his dad again, the absolute best I would offer is to meet him at the park to feed the ducks one a week, as I do think it's important he has a relationship with his dad. I just couldn't trust an unsupervised visit as he sounds unhinged and I wouldn't know what he could be capable of. It must've been so so scary, I don't know how you didn't go around to his house on Saturday night. I'd have had to go and get him.

Original poster
Mooey89 · 07/11/2016 17:03

I really, really wanted to go over there, but it wouldn't have achieved anything - he wouldn't have let me in and it would have upset DS.

OP posts:
WickedGirl · 07/11/2016 18:02

How is your son today? How are you doing? Are you ok?

Original poster
Mooey89 · 08/11/2016 12:55

According to my solicitor Ex emailed her at 8pm on Friday stating that he is going to sue their firm for harassment!

OP posts: