To be upset with NHS over DDs weight?

[Fudgefudgefudge]

DD is 4 and is in reception. Recently she had her vision, hearing, weight etc measured at school and yesterday I received a letter from the NHS saying that they are referring her to Morelife. Having googled it I'm mortified, I had no idea my child was that overweight! I checked the NHS site which measures their BMI and using the measurements they provided it shows DD being obese and on the 99th percentile

Now I breastfed DD up until her 1st birthday and she was a big baby back then but over the years she's slimmed up if you know what I mean and to me she just doesn't look overweight. She has a healthy appetite and I am well aware of how to eat a healthy balanced diet etc but I do allow a treat for good behaviour. And DD is a very active, she would rather run than walk and I don't drive so she's used to walking places.

AIBU to be upset about this? What do I do? Ask the GP their opinion? It's made me doubt my abilities as a mother as I never even considered she could be obese.

I wouldn't be upset, I would appreciate the wake up call.
Children should be what we call today, skinny.
Most parents claim their child eats healthily and run about when in fact they have treats every day and never play out.
We have lost sight of normal weight and portion sizes. Our plates are bigger than people used 40 to 50 years ago and we eat more pre prepare foods than we used to.
People shudder when grandparents talk about having sugar 'butties' when they were kids but even if they had those every day they ate less sugar than kids do today.
Obesity is a serious problem today and instead of parents taking offence and getting upset when they are told their child is fat, they should put their feelings aside, take noticeand listen to the advice instead of arguing or defending themselves because it's not an attack.

So, the only way to find out if it is an error is to go to the GP or the Nurse and get re-weighed. Then a conversation can happen between OP and a health professional telling her if YES she is overweight, or NO she isn't. Then appropriate action can be taken. Simples!

I do think as parents we are the last to notice that our child is overweight.

I looked back at DD1's first pictures at school and realise now that she WAS very chubby. But I did rectify things and she slimmed down a lot over the years. However, she's now 18 and has piled the weight back on herself. I can no longer control what she eats and despite knowing about healthy eating/exercise, seems determined to live off utter crap. Still, when she buggers off to uni she won't be able to afford the crap so fingers crossed that kick starts her losing weight again and getting a bit more healthy.

My DSD was also massively overweight at aged 8. She was wearing adult sized clothing by the age of 10 (size 12) but her parents were in utter denial. Dp kept saying it was puppy fat. I've no idea what her mum thought but having seen what she was putting in her lunch box she clearly didn't seem to see her DD was obese either. I look back at photos from then and shudder. Thankfully she's grown upwards and slimmed down a lot now and hopefully will stay a healthy weight.

I just don't think we see our own kids as being fat.

I'm always confused by everyone saying that BMI is inaccurate in children. It's plotted on a graph, as a percentage, for comparison with other children of the same age and sex. Sure, there are some kids who are outliers in terms of no extra fat but increased BMI but generally if a kids in the overweight range there's some extra to be seen, usually on the tummy.

I think when some people hear "overweight" they have a mental picture of "overweight" as an obese child and so think that that's not their child at all and that the measurements must be wrong. We're so used to children carrying some extra fat that it's become normalised.

When they did these measurements at my DD's primary school, I wrote in and told the school and the nurse that they were not to include DD in the process and they were not to weigh her.

I did not want her to feel it acceptable for school etc to be involved with her health or weight. I also did not feel it was any of their business and did not want her used for stats.

My dd was on the 95th centile in year 6. I got a similar letter and was also a bit what? about it.

We eat really healthily. I cook from scratch most nights. Plenty of vegetables. Fruit before sweets. We have ponies and a dog so plenty of exercise. And so on.

However she was a bit chubby with hindsight. Come year 7 and a much longer walk to school, dropping the 2 course school dinner for a home made lunch of sandwiches and.fruit usually plus her.periods starting and she shot up about 3 inches and dropped a load of weight.

It's very difficult to accept that your child might be overweight as it's such a taboo these days. But the charts are there for a reason and if she is the top end then you need to monitor it.

What's her bmi? It's always surprises me that parents can't see that their child is overweight. Children should be thin/skinny. You should be able to see the outline of their ribs.

BlueBlueSkies

I think it is tough to tell these days as the average person is so much heavier and more people are overweight.
Being very slim is almost considered to be abnormal.
I would get them to check again and check yourself too.
Plus check their waist measurement as this is a good indicator of obesity.
At least if the reading is correct it has been picked up early and something can be done.
Modern life is very conducive to weight gain so I wouldn't feel too bad about it!

DD wears either 4-5 or 5-6 clothes, depending on where we shop but the clothes aren't particularly snug. I googled a height-age percentile and it looks like she's 92 for height so I accept she may be slightly overweight but I just can't accept that she's obese.

And I possibly worded the "upset with the NHS" bit wrong... I have a DD a few years older and when she was weighed a few years ago the results came back that she was seriously underweight. Having done my own measurements it turns out they'd taken her weight down wrong . DD1 is naturally slender and athletic looking whereas DD2 isn't so slender (obviously!) but in no way is she a fat child.

I will go to the referral or whatever it is so maybe I am BU. But thank you for the feedback.

So if you use a child BMI calculator on her actual height and weight is she coming up as overweight or very overweight or obese?

Does the one the school use not take into account their height

I once had a paediatric tell me DD was obese as a baby because her weight was on the 90th centile blah de blah, he was so stupid he didn't get her height/length was also on the 90th centile...

For your DD's sake, please don't ignore this. Accept the referral and/or see the GP. If there genuinely is no problem then they'll discharge you without follow up. But if there is then they can support you.

I say this as I used to be an assistant school nurse, who did these checks. There were very few children that I saw that were genuinely obese, but many were overweight. As a team, we were never judgemental - just as we picked up hearing issues with one test, sight issues with another and growth problems with the height/weight check - we just saw it as identifying issues as early as possible in order to improve the childrens' health. If we got a child in who could barely hear, or one who really struggled to see the sight chart we didn't judge the parents, just referred on to someone more specialist, audiology or ophthalmology.

Sometimes kids grow at different rates, sometimes the parents may need a little support with things. My DS paediatrician told me this summer that he needs to put on more weight if he is to grow properly (he is very short and sporty). I was given some guidance on carbohydrates and healthy fats to fill him up on and he's definitely growing. Slowly, but growing. But I didn't get narky at 'the NHS' or take it as a judgement on my parenting, just made a few adjustments.

the way they get the average figures is by the weighing and measuring a cohort.

It's only ever people who are weight bothered who talk about pulling their kids out (god knows why you'd do it) doing this helps nobody.

Stop being upset.

I have two fat children. It's not the end of the world.

Your dd is 4. YOU control her food intake, so just reduce her portion sizes.

My kids were a healthy weight until secondary school when I lost control a bit with what they were eating outside the home.

Would add, we are utterly rubbish at recognising overweight in kids. My ds is 11 and is struggling to squeeze into age 16 Gap jeans. I have had three health professionals look at him and say 'are you sure he's overweight?' When I've mentioned to them my concerns about his size. Yes he's tall for his age, but not that bloody tall!

My now 7 year old was assessed as overweight in reception. He had always loved food and was a chubby (breastfed) baby.
I didn't worry too much because I felt he was doing the right things diet and exercise wise but did take more care to pile lots of veg on his plate and ensure it was eaten before he was allowed more carbs/meat.
He's a slim 7 year old now.
FWIW I was a huge baby/toddler/preschooler. Am now on the low side of normal BMI and have been for years.

Rights vs responsibilities there blue I think it's obvious where the scales tip for you. Still, at least you can benefit from the population based healthcare that comes from statistical analysis. Heaven forbid your family should have to join in though.

"It's not the end of the world mini? Really?
Sorry but I can't agee with that."

You think being fat is 'the end of the world'?

Most fat people here would beg to differ.

It's not desirable and I'm doing all I can to encourage and support my children to eat healthily and be more active, but you know, they haven't got cancer. They're chubby, not dying.

I'd start by checking the measurements are accurate. It's not unheard of for errors to occur, either when the measurements are take or when typed into whatever system they use.

I'm slightly surprised by the way parents apparently don't notice their child's weight. My DD looks a bit chubby to me, but is within the healthy range. I'd guess that to be in the overweight/obese category she'd look really chubby to me. But I guess children can carry weight differently.

again slightly smaller waist here too. And I'm in my 40's with 2 dc's. Something has gone very wrong with our cultures activity levels and food intake when I'm slimmer than a lot of teens and twenty somethings.

I think you are right to be upset.

When my DD had these tests last year, I thought all the people at her school refusing to let their children be weighed and measured were nuts. What's the harm, I thought?

DD then got a letter saying she was obese. She has been 25th centile for height and weight since birth. I went and had her weighed again at the doctor's, and she was 4cm shorter and 4.5kg lighter than they had her on the scales. It took me six weeks of calling the NHS to try to get this rectified. In the end, they clearly thought I was being a delusional parent but agreed to take her name off the register, and offered to come and weigh her again (apparently a GP's measurements weren't good enough - also they said they couldn't possibly have muddled her up with another child).

I was disgusted with the letter I got sent. I also then weighed and measured my three-year-old. She is 2nd centile for height, 9th for weight. She has always been tiny. But on the children's BMI scale on the NHS, even she is something like 70th for BMI. How can this be right? There's not that much of a discrepancy between 2nd and 9th centile that she could be 70th for BMI. The two scales don't match up.

Not only that, but BMI is notoriously inaccurate even for adults - it's just a guide - and more so for children, who may genuinely be heavy-boned, about to have a growth spurt, going through a 'puppy fat' stage, and nonetheless be entirely healthy.

After this experience, I think these tests are intrusive and unhelpful. Getting that letter made me feel like crap even though it was a mistake (and then fighting to have it acknowledged as a mistake, which never really happened, made it worse). And it was deeply patronising, offering to refer our entire family for help with healthy lifestyle choices with absolutely nothing to go on about our 'lifestyle choices' but one four-year-old's BMI. I think it could cause a lot more damage among some parents - how many children will be put on diets or told they are fat after getting a letter like this?

I totally get promoting healthy eating, making it easier for families to make healthy choices, and for schools to be healthy places. But to me this whole thing is a waste of time and money.

than they had her on the scales at school - ie, they got the measurements wrong!

My DD is 121cm and has only turned 5. I know she is very tall, she has a very tall father. Yes she weighs more than the average 5yr old, but she is taller. I have asked friends and they say she isn't overweight. They say, she is so tall it's bound to skew the results.