AIBU to ask DP to uninvite his friend's wife from our wedding?

[Somerville]

One of my fiancé's closest friends is an usher at our upcoming wedding. DP is his child's godfather.

However, his wife doesn't like me. Actually, I think it's not personal to me - I think she loved having DP single to set up with her friends and to flirt with and she's annoyed by him not being available to her.

She began by making unkind jokes at my expense. Never in DP's hearing, and so subtle I wasn't sure whether she meant well but had clumsy phrasing. But it's getting worse and I'm now in no doubt. She's very funny so it looks like a sense of humour fail to take objection to her 'hilarious' comments.

She also calls DP a cutesy nickname that no-one else calls him, often brings up friends of hers who he has previously dated, and touches him a lot. He says she's always been a bit like this but he's assumed she would stop when he was in a serious relationship and instead it has got worse.

I've been ignoring her rudeness because I think she thrives on drama and attention and frankly I don't have time or energy for all this. But DP wanted to try to get to the bottom of it to repair his friendship with them. Fair enough. She said the problem is that I'm over sensitive. But she apologised for bringing up how great his ex girlfriend is looking and for the cutesy nickname (I think he was too embarrassed to properly bring up the excessive touching) and cried, and her DH made excuses for her. DP was cautiously hopeful that she'd improve.

I saw her last night at a hen party for a mutual friend. She referred to my DP as the nickname then laughed and said 'silly me, he says you get jealous about our pet names'. I went and sat at another table.
Later on she told an amusing sex anecdote about a friend of hers who dated a friend of her DH's. I knew from the start that she would accidentally on purpose reveal it was DP and indeed she did. The pregnant bride looked upset so I again just got up and moved. No alcohol excuses as none of us were drinking.

I will be avoiding her in future. And I'd rather not have her at our small-ish wedding. I feel like asking DP to tell her she can't come. I think he will agree to this - especially with the sex anecdote thing - however it is of course then likely that his friend will pull out of being an usher and not attend, which will make him sad. AIBU and if I am, what is a better way of dealing with her? Just sucking it up on our wedding day isn't an option for me.

He got a reply from the mutual friend - she's not a very successful flying monkey as she told him that Cunty has long talked about his arse.

Fucking weirdo - she's married. According to my rules she's only allowed to say that kind of thing about famous people, not about her DH's friends.

And much as I love, adore and fancy the pants off him, there really is nothing spectacular about his arse. So I know it must have been more her claiming ownership of him in front of the single females in their group of friends, then his arse being irresistible.

AcrossThePond

I like Twilight, too. Or at least I like the first film, Robert Pattinson (clearly, since I'm a jaw girl) and some Twilight fanfiction.
But I'm not having vampire wedding songs!

If she sang A Thousand Years then you could dance the waltz to your first dance?! www.youtube.com/shared?ci=I-QZD503pr4

Has anyone else had A Thousand Years in their head all day?

Shit, sorry!

Wtaf

That is fucking weird. She so, so fancies him - I feel quite sorry for her cunty husband now

May I sing it silently in my head as I dab my eyes with a dainty lace-trimmed hanky? There's just something about the way Brides and Grooms gaze at each other that makes me tear up.

I'm showing my age but the 'wedding song du jour' when I was young was the Carpenters' "We've Only Just Begun". I still can't hear that song without cringing.

That's a hilarious reaction from Ms Cunty. Maybe she 's missed the fact Mr Lovely is marrying Ms Somer, and that she has already married Mr Cunty and given birth to his child. I suspect nothing can be done about people with such entrenched delusions. Except avoid.

Lol!! So many fab updates and much wittiness on here, that it has already made me grin widely at the karma and virtual wedding plans !! Cheered me up.after a tough day at work.

Can I please join in virtual wedding.. Espec if Somer's DD is singing A Thousand Years... It's now in my head and I'd love to hear a cute, possibly lispy (please say it would be!), adorable version of it!
PS. Cray Cray of cmfc... She's definitely as 'mad as a box of frogs'.. (That's an official diagnosis lifted directly from DSM IV ) ... Surely all her other friends are noticing now!! #lettingitplayoutisworkingatreat

I walked down the aisle to "A Thousand Years" Blubbed like a baby I did. Still makes me cry now needs to get a grip

Delurking to RSVP for my virtual place at the virtual wedding.

I'll sit at the back!

Wow she really is the gift that keeps on giving isn't she!

She's clearly in love with him. She's lost control over him and has gone batshit crazy that he's not dancing to her tune anymore.

Joking aside I don't think the wedding will be the end of it. There will be more to come. More attention seeking and more flying monkeys. She will probably do anything to hoover him back in despite him being your husband. Are you both prepared to go nc with them both long term?

I'm ready for my first glass of virtual champagne already.

Just a thought, if you do have a DC with him, do you think CMCF will be incredulous that he puts his own child before hers?

She sounds like an unstable idiot. Uninvite and maybe let her know her behaviour isn't really suitable for a married woman. Then delete her from your life. I got rid of a "friend" who was similar and life has been wonderful without them!!

I reckon in her deluded head seniority trumps adoration.

Silly cow

I lurked on your original thread from very early on, Somer, & I can't tell you how delighted I am that you & Lovely are at this stage now (cunts notwithstanding)

Looking forward to being a virtual guest in due course (as long as I don't have to wear a hat)

Is my virtual invite lost in the post?

Somer, you're a lady and I wish you and Lovely every happiness in the world.

I think we're NC with them already, Bamba. They're off the Christmas card list, at least, though will send something to the child of course. (Lovely wants to send it from both of us to make a point and I said I'd think about it.)
We were talking tonight about what to do at the wedding prior to ours. Don't plan to go out of our way to avoid them - they should be embarrassed, not us - but neither do we want to encourage a scene. Though I don't think a scene is Cunty's style - worst case scenario is her whispering horrible stuff about me to whoever will listen. Which doesn't bother me - I hardly know anyone there. Rather unpleasant for Lovely though. But I've told him he needs to let her continue with her superb job of digging her own grave. It generally annoys me that widows are sometimes considered saintly for just happening to have had to live through the unimaginable - but in this instance it will at least go in my favour. If she keeps criticising me then she'll ultimately make herself look cruel. Which is presumably why she's taken the 'concerns about the speed/her kids' route with her DH and 'we just don't get on' route with other people.

oneday Let's just say she's somehow managed to find out about that and isn't happy. Hearing she was bitching about something to do with all that at the hen party is what prompted the letter.

Well somer I think you are doing great.

You have been kind, thoughtful, given DP STBH (aka MrLovely) space to make his own decisions. And he has .... And you are supporting him, in his decisions.

You can't argue with crazy or manipulative. But also... Even if you tried, someone who has poor boundaries and sees themselves as a continual victim (though of their making), and the centre of the world, well... It's an unconscious game of hers, you don't have to play that game. I don't imagine she knows nor realises that she is crossing oh so many boundaries... But everyone else will see that (even if some are slower to catch on... They will eventually, consistency is the key)

Keep taking high road, as you have... and as DP is too... keep doing same as you are (no one could in a counselling field ask for better), be clear, and ... remember all you are effectively doing is supporting DP in HIS decisions.

People can revisit their friendships anytime and if her behaviour makes DP feel uncomfortable now (having shown her ummm crazy), then- it has nothing to do with you (no matter how she wants to spin it, and spin it she will!!)- it is entirely his call.

MrLovely has fab boundaries and I don't doubt that his family and close friends will know and trust that. If she's "out" in his eyes, then she's out! (It doesn't matter how she flails, if he says 'nuff & she's out... fair & square. Umpire called it!!) You're both good 'Un's, people don't need to know all the details to think, he's a measured guy, shes a nice girl, we think they might have a reason and respect that. X

Trying to picture Mr Cunty making sense of it to others.
'Well we're not friends any more because Lovely had the audacity to fall in love with someone other than my wife'

'Err...right.'

I'm really shocked at her behaviour. I literally can't imagine what I would think if a married friend of mine started talking about another single mans arse/taking ownership of him. It's madness. I would certainly think they were shagging on the side (not accusing lovely of this obviously)

"Valid concerns" eh?

Scene - interior chez McC
Mr CMCF "Darling, what's wrong? You seem perturbed."
CMCF "I was thinking of Lovely and Somer. It's so good that he's happy but I'm not sure that it's not all moving too quickly"
Mr CMCF "Yes, but when you see them together, they are meant for one another."
CMCF (gasps)
Mr CMCF "And he lights up when he talks about her, and ...."
CMCF "I think we should check that Somer is serious about Lovely. I'd hate for him to get hurt."
Mr CMCF "Well next time we see them, I know what to do. You talk about Somer behind her back, but let her hear a few questionable comments. Laugh them off if she reacts. Let's not speak directly to either of them of our concerns. We should just talk to our mutual friends about Somer's dreadful children. And the fact she's three years older than him. That should do it. But just to make sure, can you throw in something to embarrass Somer, make her feel uncomfortable. I know! Remind her that he's an adult and she's not his first relationship. That'll do it."
CMCF "If you're sure"
Mr CMCF "Yes, that's the best way of ensuring she's serious about him. There's no other way to express our concerns really is there? What, chat quietly to him one day and ask gently?"
Both "Gosh, can you imagine! Ha ha ha ha!"

You know what? When this kicked off I asked him that! She was just so proprietorial that it made me wonder if they'd had a fling at some point, maybe before she got married even.
But no. Thankfully! And I believe him.

That reply was to CockBlockTopus

Zipi

Lol saffron and ditto for so many other PP on here.

I'm still chuckling at "the Cuntingons" and "County clan". You know who you were that posted that & also the great advice .. and all the others that have kept up support for somer in such a difficult time for her, though soooo not of her making. #prettyproudofMNs. #sothereonvirualweddingplans