AIBU to hate strangers around DD

[Islacornx]

My DD is 6 months now and from day 1 I have hated the constant strangers coming up to my DD in her pram on walks/shops etc..
I don't mind people smiling or saying hello. It's when I literally have to stop what I'm doing while they try and have a conversation with my baby for ten minutes. Yes I know people like babies and they are cute but I'd rather they admired from afar rather than made me stop for so long. I always find it quite awkward and don't know what to do with myself as it's not me they are actually interacting with at all. And don't get me started on if they try and hold her hands and touch her face
AIBU?

[grumpymcgrumpypants]

I'm damaging my child?

My poor, grieving, child who has been let down by adults their whole life? I'm damaging them by following the standard wisdom of adoption experts?

Haha.

If you actually want to know more about this, there is a lot of literature out there.

If you're wanting to justify continuing to touch babies you don't know, I give up.

Ffs, people are better at asking whether it's ok to touch a fucking dog than a traumatised child.

Unless you know the child, a smile will do. There is no need to touch someone else's child without asking.

[Pluto30]

But I need arrogant twats like you to keep away from my baby.

Doesn't say anything about not touching. It basically says stay away from the baby full stop.

[grumpymcgrumpypants]

If you want to educate yourself, Google "parenting traumatised children" or insecure attachment, or "therapeutic parenting". There are many websites and books to look at.

If you're telling me I'm wrong based on no research whatsoever? That is arrogant and twatish.

[Pluto30]

Grumpy hijacked the thread to crap on about her adopted baby. The OP's baby isn't adopted and hasn't experienced trauma. The OP just doesn't want people interacting with her child. She even admitted to exaggerating the actual time taken up by people complimenting her baby. Christ.

[kipkipkip]

Grumpy are you suggesting that no one should try and interact with babies on the basis that they might be traumatised?

[grumpymcgrumpypants]

"Crap on"? I came on the thread to try and explain that for some parents it's really important you don't touch their baby, to all the posters saying how much they think people should be able to touch children without their or their parents consent because it's cute.

I'm trying to say, some parents have good reason for strangers to not touch their baby. And that isn't "sad", it means they are parenting their child in the way the child needs.

But damn me for meeting my child's needs, and trying to explain them.

[bittapitta]

Well this thread was derailed! As interesting as that side thread is, in general terms I think the OP is sad as she is describing events that lead to building a sense of local community. Yes it's awkward to talk to strangers who are cooing at your baby. You don't have to hold a full blown conversation. But it's nice when you're lonely on mat leave, sleep deprived, in a new area, or whatever and someone uses your baby as a way to make you feel part of the world again.

[Pluto30]

Obviously still crapping on about things irrelevant to the OP's situation.

[grumpymcgrumpypants]

I think people should afford babies the same courtesy they are taught to give dogs.

At least ask if it's ok.

And if the answer is no, accept that graciously, rather than judging the parent as being crazy.

[Pluto30]

Next time I see a baby in the supermarket, I'll be sure to ask the mother if it's okay to small at him/her.

[Pluto30]

Smile, rather.

[grumpymcgrumpypants]

It's not irrelevant to the OP.

No one has the right to touch another human without their consent. Invading personal space without consent is not on. There isn't a minimum age.

If people respected that, and asked the parents, then both OP and I, and others, would find life easier.

[greenfolder]

Good God. People making a fuss of a baby is lovely. I loved it when mine were small.

[kipkipkip]

"Hi excuse me but your baby is smiling at me, is it ok if I smile back?"

[kipkipkip]

Grumpy, initially you said stranger shouldn't even TALK to babies. That is fucking weird imo. Talking to strangers is just part of every day life right? Chatting about the weather at the bus stop, moaning about the queue in Sainsbury's, etc etc.

[Pluto30]

If you read the responses, you'd see that most people said they smile/talk to the baby or compliment them to the parent, not touch them. Talk about finding problems where there aren't any.

[fairmac]

YANBU!!

I used to hate it when people did that. When my very prem DD was discharged from hospital I remember one woman picking up her toddler and practically shoved her in the pram to look at 'the tiny baby'!! How rude and ignorant. What on earth gives people the right to do that?? It's perfectly possible to acknowledge a beautiful baby/toddler WITHOUT invading personal space.

[GipsyDanger]

Jesus. If we as mothers ever run out of our own to sticks to strike our backs with, there are plenty other mothers lining up for shots. Seeing as the most innocent of P&C spaces thread turns into a child hating bun fight is it any wonder we guard our children from randoms. as a pp said, we apologise for kids being kids less we suffer the wrath of the judging eye of disapproval from parents and non parent alike. I have been a mother for the grand total of 8 months, I have already been called "entitled" "precious" and a whole other host of derogatory terms. From a so called parenting site. With friends like these eh?

OP you do what's right for you and your baby. I support you

[cedricsneer]

Grumpy, ffs we are not talking about a tiny minority of adopted babies (beyond baby stage no one is interested in cooing anyway). As long as you respectfully asked me not to come near your baby I'd be fine with that, and I get your reasons pertaining to attachment too.

But that is not what we are talking about here.

Op you are being vvv unreasonable for all the reasons stated above. Having much older kids I cringe at how precious I was when ds1 was a baby - but that certainly didn't include feeling murderous towards those who humoured me by telling me I had a gorgeous baby.

[kipkipkip]

Ugh being a mum doesn't mean we have to agree on every single parenting issue does it? How fucking patronising.

[Moxiechick]

Oh I used to love strangers stopping me. I would walk around smugly thinking I have the best looking baby anyone's seen.
Now she's 3, looking back on baby photos she looked a bit odd
Never liked strangers trying to touch when she was really little though.

[Namechangeemergency]

Pretty sure I must radiate evil vibes - my baby is 7 weeks and hardly anyone cares

Nah, I think as MN grows and grows more people have access to these bonkers threads and are too scared to so much as look at a baby sideways