AIBU to hate strangers around DD

[Islacornx]

My DD is 6 months now and from day 1 I have hated the constant strangers coming up to my DD in her pram on walks/shops etc..
I don't mind people smiling or saying hello. It's when I literally have to stop what I'm doing while they try and have a conversation with my baby for ten minutes. Yes I know people like babies and they are cute but I'd rather they admired from afar rather than made me stop for so long. I always find it quite awkward and don't know what to do with myself as it's not me they are actually interacting with at all. And don't get me started on if they try and hold her hands and touch her face
AIBU?

[MerryInthechelseahotel]

I understand you grumpypants I hear you

[SusanneLinder]

Yes, I did attachment theory as part of my degree. Nowhere did Bowlby or anyone else say you couldn't say hello to a baby. That isn't what attachment theory is about. Babies and children whether adopted or otherwise are going to have to learn to interact with the world, or else they will develop social anxiety

[grumpymcgrumpypants]

Attachment theory as it pertains to adopted children?

Adopted kids are pretty good at social anxiety, actually, frequently.

What they're not good at is knowing which adults are attachment figures, and which aren't.

Doing something as part of your degree doesn't make you an expert in it.

Do you know anything about adoption?

Strangers should not touch babies they don't know. Full stop.

[Cherrysoup]

No eye contact, just walk on by.

[TheNoodlesIncident]

toffee I'm the same, there's a lot of people who feel the same way as you do.

The thing is, you find your own baby just marvellous, and isn't difficult to agree happily with members of the public who simply say "Oh what a lovely baby" or similar. You would get used to it and manage a few stock phrases until it got a bit easier through practice. I once had an elderly lady clutch my arm in M&S, saying "His eyelashes! His eyelashes!" She seemed overcome and pinched my arm rather hard, but I didn't mind because I thought Ds's eyelashes were rather spectacular lovely and it was nice she thought so too, and also that I may have been one of the few people she interacted with that day. Who knows? It's nice to be nice.

[grumpymcgrumpypants]

www.ocd.pitt.edu/Files/PDF/Foster/27758_ocd_Indiscriminate_Friendliness.pdf

"Not a minor or harmless behaviour."

One way of improving attachment is to limit interactions outside the primary attachment.

For the vast majority of babies, people stroking cheeks etc is a mild annoyance, or something the parents enjoy.

But for some of us, it's undermining the most important lessons our child is learning at the moment.

Unless you know which one it is, I'd advise not touching the baby.

[MerryInthechelseahotel]

Some children with attachment issues will literally go off with anyone who is nice to them. The best thing for them is to be totally cared for by one/two parents. Not passed around. Not having much interaction with anyone else. Like a baby just born.

[grumpymcgrumpypants]

MerryInthechelseahotel Thank you for getting it.

I feel like I'm in a world of people who don't get it. But all the experts agree, I'm doing the right thing for my baby.

Now, who is actually selling those sandwich boards, because I want one.

[grumpymcgrumpypants]

I think my first post was misunderstood.

I'm not at all concerned about stranger danger. I am not worried that any nice person could take my child.

I'm saying my child has actually experienced a nice appearing person turning up one day, and then a few days later taking them away from everything they've ever known, forever. And not just once.

So, that next person who tickles them and cuddles them- better smile at them, eh? In case they take you home?Can't trust these grown ups.

What I am trying to teach the child is that they can trust these grown ups.

What I don't need is well meaning arrogant arses who think they know better undermining that.

[user1471468700]

grumpymcgrumpypants
My DB was adopted at 1 yo after a rough start in life. My parents raised him with love, like every other parents. No studying Attachment Theory or panicking about strangers daring to interact with him.
He is now a happy and well adjusted 16yo.
So. I suggest you don't worry so much.

[grumpymcgrumpypants]

Ah. Your one anecdote goes against all the research, and trumps it? Right. I feel reassured because a 16 year old is not (yet) showing any attachment problems.

Sigh.

[user1471468700]

sigh
At least your name is accurate grumpy

[grumpymcgrumpypants]

Yes it is.

I have a special withering look for people who tell me that "all they need is love". Would you like to see it?

[SpookyPotato]

I loved how the world opened up when I had a baby, after thinking that hardly anyone interacts with each other in public places.. It was such an ice breaker. I say was but people still come up and chat to us and he's nearly 3, I love it.. especially the old folk. And I'm an introvert.. but an outgoing one!
But if you don't like it OP, and that's absolutely fine, just make a friendly excuse and be off.

I remember looking after someones dog and he was very cute.. We went for a walk and it took us ages because people kept stopping us and stroking him. A cute dog gets more attention than a cute baby! So never get one

[Sweetandsour93]

I think it's sad to dislike people cooing over your little one It's such a short period in the grand scheme of things and the vast majority of people are well meaning and cheered up by the sight of a cute baby. We seem to be such a closed off society nowadays. I think yabu.

[RestlessTraveller]

grumpy. Social worker here. I don't agree with you.

[oldlaundbooth]

Having a small baby is basically like having a gorgeous puppy : people simply can't help themselves!

As pp's have said, they'll stop soon.

YABU.

[oldlaundbooth]

My friend had a preemie who was around 5lbs when I finally met her and him for a coffee. We were inundated with people coming over to say hello to him, oh he's so small, so cute etc etc.

[BillSykesDog]

Attachment theory is not universally accepted within the world of psychology and has quite a lot of critics.

[Pluto30]

grumpy Your attitude is going to have a far more damaging affect on your child than people daring to look at him/her.

Can't believe people seriously take their children so seriously as to think people shouldn't even be allowed to smile or say hello to them. Get over yourself. No one will give a rats about your child when they're the 2yo chucking a tantrum in the confectionary aisle.

[Batteriesallgone]

I always found a sling, particularly a wrap very effective at stopping people saying hello to baby. People will just stick their head in a pram, but less likely to smoosh their head against your breasts just to make eye contact with the baby

[Imchangingmyname]

grumpy you actually sound a bit scary.

[Imchangingmyname]

navy I haven't adopted but I have been in many difficult and shitty situations in life.
I have also never felt the need to call a stranger on a forum with a different opinion to myself an 'arrogant twat'.

HTH.