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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up of being crap at everything?

54 replies

Doggyday123 · 03/11/2016 10:14

Think maybe im having a moment today but i feel pissed off at not being good at anything i try.
I cant swim
Cant ride a bike
Do my job well i think but there are certain skills within it that ive struggled with. Some skills i still havent fully mastered when new comers pick them up straightaway.
I recently took up driving and as a mature pupil i went in to it very positively. Hoping to pick it up quickly. (Unlikely). Well i was utterly rubbish. So rubbish that after two months of regular lessons i was still unable to go onto a proper road. I was driving round in circles on an industrial estate as couldnt control the car enough to go out on the roads. I mean thats spectacularly bad isnt it?
My instructor was encouraging and he said everyone learns at a different rate,but please!!
I kind of laugh off my lack of skills but i think maybe people see me as a drip.
I stood at the bus stop this morning laden with bags while women half my age whizz past in their cars. I feel ashamed of myself.
Is anyone else as useless as me?

OP posts:
exexpat · 03/11/2016 10:18

Are most of the things you struggle with to do with physical coordination? You might just be dyspraxic or similar and so those things are naturally harder for you. Not being able to drive, swim etc certainly doesn't make you useless in any case.

UntilTheCowsComeHome · 03/11/2016 10:18

I'll join you on the losers bench Grin

I can't swim or drive either.
I work in a minimum wage job
I don't own a house
I've never been abroad

I look on at younger people who have it all with jealousy.

I do however have good tits, so you know swings and roundabouts Grin

IScreamYouScream · 03/11/2016 10:22

You are not useless. Please don't equate finding learning to drive difficult with being generally useless, it's not true. Flowers. It took quite a while for driving to 'click' with me and it was a long demoralising slog but I've now been driving confidently and incident-free for over a decade. It is a hard thing to learn and is harder as you get older.

You can't swim. Were you taught as a child?

ClawsForThought · 03/11/2016 10:24

I can't drive
I rent, can't afford deposit to buy
I've got impostor syndrome at work even though I'm hardly a 'high achiever'
My brain farts are turning into full on tornadoes Blush
I have no real friends to speak of as I'm crap at keeping in touch/can't be arsed, TBH
I can't cook
I can't style my own hair

I've got a sexy voice, though. I might try to make money out of that some day. Grin

Original poster
Doggyday123 · 03/11/2016 10:24

Lol cows.every cloud eh?
Expat, i think my co ordnation is crap yes. I can ride a horse! I dont know much about dyspraxia,maybe i should google it
I want to be better at stuff!the driving has really hit me hard as i need to drive. But the humilation of how bad i was finished me off

OP posts:
Idratherbeaunicorn · 03/11/2016 10:24

YANBU
Is there room on the bench for me?
I cant drive, or swim, I cant sing, hold a tune, draw, paint, I have no rhythm and cant play an instrument. Generally I lack any sort of "skill".
Im with you on the driving, for some reason I just CANNOT do it. Its like my brain/hands/feet just cant work together.

ExcellentWorkThereMary · 03/11/2016 10:26

Oh OP I have been learning to drive recently too and I really hate it. I don't understand the car, I don't know how to find the "biting point", I don't understand how to turn the wheel to make the car do what I want (sometimes I turn it too much, sometimes not enough) and how on Earth am I supposed to know the width of the car I am driving and whether it will fit through the gap in front of me with cars coming the other way?! I feel like a complete donut. And the worst thing is that I had lessons when I was younger too, so many lessons and all my friends learned (cos it's easy when you are 17, right?!) and I just Could. Not. Do. It.

I can't swim either.

Oh, and I'm fat! Can't commit to a diet, or exercise plan, I just eat and get fatter and fatter. Useless and ugly! Great combo!

I have been feeling awful about myself recently. Joining all on the loser bench...

Ebbenmeowgi · 03/11/2016 10:27

It does take time to learn new skills and can be harder for some people than others. I love this story theageofhappiness.com/posts/bodhi-hanna-kistner-86-only-after-sixty-mytrue-life-began/3WELkJ2M2Q I love how she was really shit at kyudo, so much so her teacher kicked her out of the class! But she just stuck with it and is now a master 😊

ChocolateForAll · 03/11/2016 10:27

I was thinking dyspraxia, too.
In any case, I bet there's lots of marvellous things about you, OP.

Original poster
Doggyday123 · 03/11/2016 10:29

Im glad im not the only one!everyone elae just seems to 'get' stuff.
I dont have any skills as such
At school no one wanted me on their teamBlush

OP posts:
Meemolly · 03/11/2016 10:29

Oh lovely ladies here, don't give in to that rubbish! Non of those things mean you are crap at everything, who cares if you can do those things or not, there is no tick box list of stuff we should be able to do in order to succeed in life. You are all fab, who gives a shit if you can drive, cars are expensive and make you lazy.

TooPlain · 03/11/2016 10:30

With the driving, try another instructor. Different people suit different styles of teaching. I was useless too but my third instructor had a way of making it all click for me.

Isitadoubleentendre · 03/11/2016 10:33

I do however have good tits, so you know swings and roundabouts

Well that made me laugh cows so you can add 'being funny' to the post of things you are not crap at Smile

Original poster
Doggyday123 · 03/11/2016 10:34

mary
That made me laugh. Im sure youre not fat and ugly! I can thank good venes for the fact that im slim and quite attractive. Not skills excatly though. And sont help me learn to drive!
I totally get the driving .or lack of that you describe. The biting point is hard. The steering just as bad as i too,either turn turn enough and hit the kerb or oversteered. I couldnt judge it and i couldnt quite get my head around how it worked iyswim?
I did consider restarting in an automatic but worried i wouldnt even get that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Doggyday123 · 03/11/2016 10:35

Good genes i meant

OP posts:
NotAPuffin · 03/11/2016 10:36

I was picked last for everything in school too. I can drive but I'm very aware that I'm not very good at it. I can propel myself in water but I wouldn't call it 'swimming'! I have to be careful walking up stairs because I often catch my toes in my other trouser leg and trip myself.

I'd love to be able to ride a horse but I'm too scared of them, and getting more so as I get older. And I think I'm too scared of heights now to manage it comfortably anyway.

JellyBelli · 03/11/2016 10:36

I cant drive. I get annoyed when people pretend that you are childish if you cant. I'm not. I'm a bit dyspraxic, and just dont have fast enough reaction times to be safe for other road users driving at speed.
I cant play computer games. When the kids were younger they used to ask me to play with them for a laugh. My character would be in a corner punching the air and jumping up and down, and they'd be off finding treasure or shooting Nazis.
I cant sing. I have near perfect pitch so its actually painful for me to hear myself.

Original poster
Doggyday123 · 03/11/2016 10:43

puffin and jelly ive kust almost cried at your posts!!yes to the computer game character punching the air and going nowhere!
And fall up the stairs on an almost daily basis.
Ive just looked briefly at dyspraxia. Apart from the coordination and running with arms flapping(dont laugh), I dont think its me. Im very organised. I did well at school. I can write well(please ignorke terrible typos- cold hands and small phone). I dont have trouble processing everyday things.

OP posts:
ItsJustNotRight · 03/11/2016 10:45

You're not alone. I can't swim, sing, ride a bike, draw, catch, throw, play any sport and it took at least a year of driving lessons before I took a test (did pass it though). 30 yrs later I'm still completely crap at parking, I always thought it would come in time but it hasn't. I'm now old enough that none of this bothers me anymore and I always park I a huge space even if it's nowhere near I need to be. I've got a nice face though and fantastic skin.

chunkymum1 · 03/11/2016 10:47

Sounds like the driving thing is really getting you down but the instructor is right, everyone learns at their own rate. Two months of lessons is nothing in the scheme of things. By the time I finally passed my driving test I had been learning for about 5 years (on and off) and had 5 different instructors- some due to me moving areas but one retired before he managed to teach me and another gave it up for a different career (not sure how much of an influence I had on this). I suffered the indignity of seeing much younger family members learn to drive before me. I felt I needed to keep on trying since our public transport service was pretty much non-existent and although I can ride a bike I fall off if I try to signal or look over my shoulder for traffic. Nowadays I am a safe driver.

One practical suggestion would be that if you really struggle you can take a test in an automatic car (but then will only be able to drive an automatic unless you take another test)- not ideal but it means no gears/clutch to worry about.

Purplebluebird · 03/11/2016 10:50

I can't swim either. I can drive (badly) but am too scared to do so. I can ride a bike, or at least I could 5 years ago! But I get what you mean, I don't feel I can do anything well. Then I decided to take an IQ test, and turns out I'm quite intelligent! So there's that :P Maybe worth a try? Just because you're not great at practical things, doesn't mean you're stupid at least...

Original poster
Doggyday123 · 03/11/2016 10:51

Where are you hopeless people?i wish i knew you in real life.
itsjustnotright,i agree that being older makes you not care that much what people think.
I dont care about riding a bike-i love walking
Swimming i really really dont care and im not ashamed. I hate swimming pools except to cool off abroad. I wouldnt want my hair messed up anyway. Im happy to take the piss out of myself when it comes to swimming.
But driving,well i really wanted to be able to that. I never thought id be brilliant but at least able,but thats knocked my confidence badly.

OP posts:
Original poster
Doggyday123 · 03/11/2016 10:54

My IQ is pretty good. Cant remember exact number but decent.
I think i will give the auto driving a try but im worried i will still find it hard!
I think the driving is the thing thats tipped me over the edge. Beforw then i laughed at my failures but this was the final straw.

OP posts:
ExcellentWorkThereMary · 03/11/2016 11:02

puffin I do the toe in trouser trip too! Ugh.

I never got picked for anything at school either, and they never let me carry the flag at church parade when I was a brownie.

I have NO SKILLS. When people say everyone has a talent I want to cry cos I have none! The only thing anyone ever says about me is "you're a good mum" - which is great n all but a) they only see my public mothering and b) most parents are good a thing it so it is hardly a skill! It's all I have. Mum. And even then Im an embarrassment to my children cos "everyone else's mum drives" and I can't give their friends a lift home or pick them up from anywhere :(

We need a useless people's clubhouse. But it needs step free access, and it needs to be on a bus route.

BooRadley35 · 03/11/2016 11:06

Don't worry about the driving. Keep trying. I started to learn at 31 and it took me a year of lessons before I felt confident enough to even discuss taking my test. You will get the hang of I promise!!! I did and although, at times, I felt like quitting as I wasn't progressing I am now a happy confident(ish) driver. I would also recommend motorway driving lessons once you've passed your test. The idea of driving on a motor scared me to death but all good now