To be fed up of being crap at everything?

[Doggyday123]

Think maybe im having a moment today but i feel pissed off at not being good at anything i try.
I cant swim
Cant ride a bike
Do my job well i think but there are certain skills within it that ive struggled with. Some skills i still havent fully mastered when new comers pick them up straightaway.
I recently took up driving and as a mature pupil i went in to it very positively. Hoping to pick it up quickly. (Unlikely). Well i was utterly rubbish. So rubbish that after two months of regular lessons i was still unable to go onto a proper road. I was driving round in circles on an industrial estate as couldnt control the car enough to go out on the roads. I mean thats spectacularly bad isnt it?
My instructor was encouraging and he said everyone learns at a different rate,but please!!
I kind of laugh off my lack of skills but i think maybe people see me as a drip.
I stood at the bus stop this morning laden with bags while women half my age whizz past in their cars. I feel ashamed of myself.
Is anyone else as useless as me?

Ah, you sound like me, I feel utterly useless and frequently embarrassed by my lack of skills compared to other people my age, especially DH and his friends who all seem to be amazing at everything. I have no friends of my own and have very poor social skills due to a lifetime of social anxiety, can't drive, still work in an entry level position with absolutely no prospects, no further education, can't swim well at all and am so bad on a bike, keep telling myself I want to be a writer but suck at it (if I ever even bother), and etc etc etc! There's not really anything i excel at at all, although maybe part of that is that I think I've lost all will to try

mary
Hilarious.

Doggy good luck with the driving, stick with it. Sometimes when learning blind panic fills your mind so that it stops you thinking things through. After many lessons I started talking myself through every move in my head, this forced me to really concentrate on exactly what I was doing and left no room for the fear. This may sound obvious but it took me a long time to do it. I started making progress from that point onwards. I also used to pretend I was driving when I wasn't so I embedded the sequences in my mind. For a long while the lessons were a complete jumble in my head, I had no idea what I was doing but eventually by learning the steps by rote I got the hang of getting it moving etc. The road sense etc comes with practice once you've got a hold on the basics. I still don't like parking or driving in the dark but have managed 30 odd yrs without any accidents. Don't be hard on yourself.

I just can't "get" driving. I'm rather relieved that I'm currently not allowed for medical reasons! I've failed my test 4 times.

Other stuff mentioned here I can do, I play 2 instruments, knit, sew and do card making.

But driving eludes me and i know i need to learn, my parents are 90 mins away and getting older, I'd like to be able to drive to see them.

Don't put yourself down OP.

I can't swim or ride a bike,I can drive though.but unlike you I really can't ride a horse.

Could you try driving an automatic car?I'm a gears person myself but I have heard that driving an automatic is much easier?

You do sound dyspraxic - it's shut working hard to do so called easy stuff but come on - get back in the saddle - if you can ride a horse you can sort the car. I was awful - genuinely had no idea where the car was on the road, asked the instructor lots of questions that are her go wtf as no one ever asked them. Apparently most people don't think of road positioning as where the windshield lines up with the white line and tape a guide in place!
Anyway years and years later I am a great driver, confident, capable and there is no sign of that initial confusion- still takes an age to adapt to new cars though!

my life in a nut shell

i can write fine to communicate but speak to me in person and you will think i lost the plot.I have poor audio memory so i wont remember much about you and will probably repeat a conversation we had earlier in the week

subsequently my literacy skills are down the toilet i cant write very well my teachers long ago gave up on me as i could not remember what they told me earlier in the day

i guess it could be worst at least i can cook but when its all you have to do i guess thats why.

i just wish i was not so stupid

Don't let the hopeless driving put you off learning to drive! Loads of people struggle badly with learning - you just don't know about it, because they don't admit how spectacularly shite they were!

I came to driving later in life, too, and am naturally shit at anything practical (think I might be dyspraxic, actually, but thats another story). It took me about 50 hours of lessons and two failed tests (one spectacular fail where I cut someone up at a roundabout and was failed for dangerous driving [blush>) before I passed my test. And even then, it was only automatic as I couldn't get the hang of manual. I was shittter than shit.

But I passed eventually. 5 years later I am a competent, confident driver
we'll pretend the first year of driving, where I had no fewer than three prangs, didn't happen

You don't have to be a natural at learning new things. You just have to practice, ask for help and stop being so hard on yourself .

I was awful when I started learning to drive and gave up. When I started again 3 years later I only learned to drive an automatic. It means I can't drive a manual car but I really don't care as it then only took me a few months to pass my test. When you struggle with driving you feel utterly hopeless but you're not at all, just got to find what works for you. That might mean a different instructor or learning to drive and automatic

Im glad im not the only one!everyone elae just seems to 'get' stuff.

I've found my people! I wish I knew you all in real life - I need that clubhouse with step-free access and I need it now. The utter humiliation of being unable to throw, catch or hit a ball in the primary school playground is still painfully with me (I'm in my 50s) and I'm sure my lack of physical co-ordination affected the way I made or mostly didn't make friends through childhood and adolescence. Could never ride a bike, can fall over my own feet, and I always try to avoid going down concrete steps - if there's a slope or ramp I always take it, or cling onto the rail if there's no alternative. I also don't 'get' directions - it takes me ages to learn the route to anywhere, even very simple routes, and I forget any route I don't regularly do. I just don't seem to retain any physical or spatial knowledge.

I did learn to drive. It took me absolutely ages and cost a fortune. I drove very reluctantly for a few years, never got any good at it, getting lost and finding big enough parking places were a constant nightmare, and I finally gave up and sold the car abotu 10 years ago and haven't looked back since. Luckily I live in a city with good public transport, so not driving isn't an issue.

For some reason I can swim, though. I love being in the water - you can't fall over once you're in! I feel more at home there than on land to be honest. Perhaps our clubhouse can have an adjacent pool?

Well I'm crap at being a daughter apparently, as my dying dad has disowned me in his will (not money, actually said he's not my dad!) So you can't be as bad as that!

Don't be too hard on yourself OP, some super intelligent people have no common sense and others with a lack of physical skills have brains like computers! We're all different and focusing on your weaknesses will make you feel worse. Don't give up!

roseteapot, I'd bet you've got a lot else going for you - both in terms of personality and also cognitively. People tend to develop strengths to complement their weaker areas.

I'm clumsy and have poor co-ordination and also lack spatial awareness, after several failed attempts at driving I finally passed in an automatic - I just couldn't get the hang of using the gearstick at the same time as the wheel! I'd really recommend it. I'm also hopeless as anything practical and can't draw or sing or do anything crafty.

Definitely go automatic! Loads of people end up with them anyway. There is so much less to think about- it's almost point and steer! My son passed his test in a manual but never felt very confident. In an automatic, he's been fab.
Just because you can do somethings ok, doesn't mean you are not dyspraxic- it may mean that you have compensated in lots of ways and there are just a few left which are still challenging you!

Sorry about your dad being like that with you gingerbreath. How spiteful.
Well this thread is very encouraging,plus im feeling quite normal. Its making me have a laugh too. I normally quite happiky take the piss out of myself but today started feeling sorry for myself.
As i said,i think its the driving thats getting me. I was chatting to a young colleague yesterday and she was talking about driving. Shes had about as many(or maybe even less)lessons than i had. Then she was saying how hard it was approaching islands etc. And how ahe drives home after lessons(fairly standard)I was nodding in agreement when in actual fact i had never done any of those things. How embarrassing.
I accept driving taking me a bit longer than expected but really,if anyone saw me then you would think it was about my second or third lesson!!
I also repeatedly fall over in snow. Anyone else?

All the time- if it's icy you need ice cleats. Just take them off before ice free surfaces or they send you to your arse. I broke a leg last year in a freak fall off the side of an elevated walk way! That's me outed!

Husband hates walking in snow and ice. Poor balance. I got him a gadget to go over his shoes which helps. He once took a day off because it was very icy, we live in a hill, he was afraid he would break something.

All of the posters saying about not being able to catch a ball, never picked etc if ye were in school now ye would have a diagnosis of dyspraxia and get lots of extra help and understanding. Don't be hard on yourselves. It's like finding out later that your dyslexic and thinking you were stupid in school. I have a friend diagnosed with dyspraxia at about 50. She can drive but it's always a stressful thing for her so if we are going anywhere together l will drive. In my experience most dyspraxic people are bright and creative and actually quite gifted in lots of other ways. Read up on dyspraxia as you may get tips to help. And go the automatic car route. And have individual swimming lessons if you want to learn.

I can drive but can't reverse park to save my life. Wonder how I passed my test sometimes! Luckily I can pretty much get away with never having to do it where I live. Otherwise I'm a safe confident driver.

The only sport type activities I'm vaguely competent at are horse riding and skiing. Sadly I'm not loaded so haven't ridden for years and skimp in other areas of my life so I can afford a yearly ski trip. Why can't I be good at netball or enjoy running.

On the plus side I do look young for my age

I am rubbish at pretty much everything too! Whenever people ask about 'talents', I always feel the need to disappear sharp-ish.

As for the driving...if you are struggling, could you maybe try a driving simulator type thing? When I was first starting to learn to drive, before I actually got in a car, I had a few sessions on a simulator and it did make me feel less nervous when I actually got in the car as I had already got used to finding the biting point etc. It may not be for everyone (my DP at the time thought it was a complete waste of time/money) but I haven't ever thought 'I wish I hadn't bothered with that'.
Alternatively... an automatic may be a good route to look at. I know someone who REALLY didn't get on with a manual, just couldn't get his head around it at all, but got on absolutely fine with an automatic.

JuneBirthday well I'm pleased to hear things have moved on in schools. When I was at teacher training college many moons ago the PE instructor made me stand up in front of everyone and throw over arm. She then said to the group she'd used me as an example of a 5 yr old trying to throw, oh the shame of it, I can still feel the humiliation now, it's actually making me shake writing this down and I thought I was over this stuff.

That's dreadful. Would you have yourself tested for dyspraxia now so at least you would know its wasn't your fault. That's like laughing at a dyslexic kid who can't read. We have quite a few dyspraxic children in our school and they get lots of support and allowances are made for areas they struggle with. A big area of struggle can be time keeping just in case you have an issue with that.

I firmly believe that no one is crap at everything.

You just haven't found the thing that you are awesome at yet, keep going, keep trying new things and you'll find it eventually.

I've been reading some dyspraxia sites, junebirthdaygirl and I think you may be right - I tick an awful lot of the boxes! Now that I'm in my 50s I've mostly found my own ways to avoid cope with the things I can't do. But I do remember school being a constant nightmare, because the things I couldn't do were mostly very public ones - like I could never join in skipping games, and nobody ever wanted me on their team in PE or on the playground, and I know it had a huge effect on my self-esteem at the time. I also did badly academically, which looking back could well have been the organisational difficulties that the websites say are associated with dyspraxia - I did eventually go back to study as a mature student and I did quite well, but by that time, I think life and motherhood had taught me ways to manage my lack of organisational skills!

Doggyday, do you actually need to drive? If not, then you don't have to put yourself through the torment of learning for the sake of getting a license. If you do, then I agree with PP that an automatic might help - then you can concentrate completely on the steering.

June I've had a look at the site too and I definitely tick lots of the.boxes: cross lateral, problems with sequencing, terrible short term memory with chains of numbers, all the previously mentioned sporting shortfalls etc. I'm too old now to worry about a formal diagnosis, I don't intend to work again. I'm sure DC has this too, despite being really well organised in a very responsible job, all possessions are scattered to the wind, wallets, watches, phones, clothes etc never has them more than 5 minutes. Drops and breaks things all the time and falls over and walks into things. Had to laugh recently when their DP said it was impossible to walk along the pavement with us both as we are both incapable of walking straight. One at a time OK but both of us together, no chance. The Dyspraxia site has a guidance leaflet on learning to drive if anyone is interested.