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Original poster

To ask how much you give for wedding gifts

62 replies

isitginoclock · 03/11/2016 08:50

Off to a cousins wedding tomorrow. We're not particularly close, and having to travel 4 hours each way to the wedding. They've requested cash as a present, as their house is fully furnished. How much should I give?

OP posts:
AppleJac · 03/11/2016 11:14

Expat.

My cousin has asked for cash at her wedding next year as she says she already has a house thats furnished etc and she always ends up spending the gift cards on her toddler rather than herself so she has asked for cash to go towards her honeymoon.

I dont see anything wrong with that. There is no difference in giving someone cash than a gift card.

weegiemum · 03/11/2016 11:16

£50 for friends, cousins
£150 for close family (my endless sea of brothers ......)

MadisonAvenue · 03/11/2016 12:38

When I say that we gave £50 to our nephew and his new wife, we paid it directly into the account they'd set up with the travel company that they were using for their honeymoon. All day invites came with a link to the account. They're a young couple who've been saving like crazy to buy a house and also for their wedding so I wouldn't begrudge them money towards what looked to be a wonderful adventurous honeymoon.
Even so, the wording on the invitation leaned more towards them just being happy to have their family and friends with them for the day, adding that they understood that people would want to give presents so money towards their honeymoon would be very much appreciated.

The couple who we gave wine to instead of money were grabbing. "Give us cash to buy something flash" was a line from the poem which has stuck in my head.

expatinscotland · 03/11/2016 13:45

'My cousin has asked for cash at her wedding next year as she says she already has a house thats furnished etc and she always ends up spending the gift cards on her toddler rather than herself so she has asked for cash to go towards her honeymoon.

I dont see anything wrong with that. There is no difference in giving someone cash than a gift card.'

I'm glad you didn't, because I'd have found that sort of ask in an invitation tacky as all fuck.

TaterTots · 03/11/2016 13:50

The couple who we gave wine to instead of money were grabbing. "Give us cash to buy something flash" was a line from the poem which has stuck in my head.

Arrggghhhh! That would guarantee two bath cubes in a box from me.

hollie11 · 03/11/2016 13:57

£50

Viewofhedges · 03/11/2016 14:03

This is fascinating. I genuinely didn't want presents at our wedding - we specified no presents in our invitation (as in a we're older, lucky enough to have what we need so please just come and enjoy yourselves, that's all we want kind of way).

However the unreasonable part of me has always been narked by my sister (my only sibling)'s gift of a £35 voucher. (She has a very good job and money is NOT a problem). It sort of felt tight and thoughtless at the same time - a charity shop book of poetry or SOMETHING personal would have felt like a bigger gift. And the amount was so weirdly specific. This was some time ago and it still bugs me.... gets coat

TheWayYouLookTonight · 03/11/2016 14:12

I think £50 is a good amount, especially if you are having to pay travel costs to attend.

Inthenick · 03/11/2016 14:14

£150.

hellsbellsmelons · 03/11/2016 14:25

Someone I'm close to £50
Someone I'm not close to £30
It might also depend if I had to spend money to get there or on a hotel etc...

Anna275 · 03/11/2016 14:27

Viewofhedges, we have a couple in our family who always gives £30 to every family member for every occasion. Not even a voucher or a gift worth £30 (which would be more thoughtful imo because you can find lots of nice things on sale for that amount). This year we were on holiday for my birthday and they gave me 30 in the local currency which was worth much less than £30. I'm not a big gift person so don't expect to receive anything, but it's getting to be a joke at this point.

I usually give £100 for a close friend (from me and DH), more if it was a family member. I have always been told though that proper etiquette is to not take travel costs into account when giving a gift. It's your choice to attend a wedding and incur those costs, so unless you are truly struggling to make ends, meet knocking £20 off a gift just because you had to travel doesn't make much sense to me. It's not like that amount will make much of a dent in travel costs anyway.

The poems make me cringe. Everyone knows you bring a gift to a wedding, and most people are lazy so will bring cash. No need to specify. And if they get you a gift you don't like, so what? It annoys me to no end when people feel they need to specify cash only because they don't want to be "inconvenienced" by returning a gift they don't like. (I just got married and saw this all the time on wedding forums). So ungrateful.

Loaferloveforyou · 03/11/2016 14:38

I spend what I can afford. I wouldn't expect anyone to give a gift to cover the cost if they couldn't afford it and would be mortified if someone declined my wedding invite as they felt they couldn't afford to cover the cost of the meal. It's our decision to spend £x on the wedding so shouldn't expect people to cover this cost.

Bluebolt · 03/11/2016 14:52

What I have given has varied through the stages of my life. I know give £100 and a bottle of champagne to all the weddings I attend but that it says more about my circumstance than the value I place on the couple or the invite.

ElizabethS22 · 03/11/2016 16:26

I'd give £50 generally.
A couple we know put a poem in with the wedding invitation asking for money towards their honeymoon as they already lived together and had things they needed.
They never even had a honeymoon! So the guests basically paid for their wedding for them.

MadisonAvenue · 03/11/2016 17:22

Elizabeth That happened with a couple whose wedding we attended a few years ago too. They asked for money for their honeymoon in Mexico and to this day they haven't been. They didn't have the manners to send thank yous either.

Shadowboy · 03/11/2016 17:39

To be fair we also stated we would prefer honeymoon gifts. The resort we booked with had a list of 'upgrades' and 'activities' we could purchase - a bit like a gift list and friends could purchase one. They started from £10 (evening cocktail) to £100 (evening sunset dolphin watching) and we used every single one- we were so so grateful as at the time we had spent so much on the wedding we'd had to go basic initially for the honeymoon. But my husband's family clubbed together and got us a beachfront bungalow (Maldives) which really made the holiday!!!

WanderingTrolley1 · 03/11/2016 17:47

£50.

peri89 · 03/11/2016 17:50

£100 from us both if full day guests, around £40-50 if evening.

OdeToAutumn · 03/11/2016 17:55

For me it depends on how close you are, how many of you attending and what the family culture is. In my culture money is traditionally given and I'm very close to my cousins so we gave (and received) a lot more than we would give (or expect to receive) to Dhs cousins. I'd say between £50-£100 to a cousin who wasn't that close.

SheldonCRules · 03/11/2016 17:57

A nice box of chocolates and wine from me, I won't do cash requests as they are grabby and a way of the bride having the wedding they want with the guests paying for it.

MauiWest · 03/11/2016 18:10

what's wrong with asking for cash? Normal people WILL ask what gift to buy, so what's wrong with answering. When you have a house already fully furnished, it makes perfect sense to ask to help with your honeymoon. I find it so rude when people decide to ignore the gift list to bring some crap that will end up in the bin. The whole point of the gifts it to give something pleasant, why the need to be spiteful?

There is absolutely no way you can give the equivalent of your meal, how on earth do you know how much you meal will cost before seeing it? Having the reception in McDonalds or Claridges gives you a clue, but most weddings are not that obvious.

My gifts vary from £30/£40 to £2,500 depending on the the bride and groom. (the biggest amount obviously only for my younger siblings!). I dread to think how much we will need to give when it's my kids turn to get married.

FrankAndBeans · 03/11/2016 20:27

A nice box of chocolates and wine from me, I won't do cash requests as they are grabby and a way of the bride having the wedding they want with the guests paying for it.

  1. Some grooms are invested in the wedding too you know, not just those terrible grabby brides Hmm
  2. The wedding will have already been paid for so the guests are not exactly paying for it
19lottie82 · 03/11/2016 20:30

My DH and I would give £100 if we were there all day or £50 if we were evening guests only.

IminaPickle · 03/11/2016 20:43

I'd cover my plate. Why wouldn't you? Confused If you've been involved in a wedding recently you know how much it costs.

expatinscotland · 03/11/2016 20:54

'I'd cover my plate. Why wouldn't you? confused If you've been involved in a wedding recently you know how much it costs.'

Um, because you cannot afford it. Hmm If you want people to 'cover their plates', why not just charge per head? Then they can have the option of saying, 'No, thanks, I'll go to a restaurant instead, more choice on the menu.'

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