To think FIL shouldn't say this about me being a working mum?

[PeachBellini123]

Happy to be told YABU as I'm 31 weeks pregnant and hormal:
We've decided that due to better money/career prospects I will go back to work full time and DH will be a stay at home dad when baby is born. I'm very fortunate that I can work from home regularly, my commute is reasonable and my company is very family friendly.

FIL has said at least twice that my DH will be both 'mum and dad' and that our baby will be confused and start calling DH 'mummy' because I'll be at work during the day.

I never know how to respond to this and DH will just ignore it and change the subject.
I've told DH that this comment makes me uncomfortable but DH thinks I'm being too sensitive.

Is it me or is this a weird thing to say to a heavily pregnant woman? He has said other things that I think are a bit bizarre but this comment has gotten to me.

My poor DD, DH and I both work PT and care for her equally so I guess that means she has neither a full father or mother.

FIL has said at least twice that my DH will be both 'mum and dad' and that our baby will be confused and start calling DH 'mummy' because I'll be at work during the day.

So if you'd been a SAHM and your h had worked, would the baby have got confused then and called you 'daddy'? And would you have been both mummy and daddy?

What an old fossil your FIL is. Shows where he thinks a woman's place is. Doesn't he think his son will be a good SAHD?

Yanbu.

The comment about your dh being called mummy is hilarious though, why would that happen?!

He sounds batshit, ignore him! Your both making a very sensible choice and it's a brilliant example to your children that dads can be the sahp imo, instead of the usual stereotypical crap!

Good luck for the birth too, get a big stress ball to squeeze during contractions and imagine its FILs small brain.

Depends how vicious I was feeling tbh as to how much I would ignore.
At least I would say carry on like that til (twat in law) and dc won't call you grandad because they won't see you.
Fuckwit.

Thank goodness men like your FIL is dying out.

I'd treat the things he says much the same way you'd treat a mangle in a museum; marvel at how far the rest of the world has come.

To be honest, if he is an idiot about stuff and thinks the wimmin should know their place, any amount of arguing or comment by you is likely to only reinforce his silly idea that you're a ballbreaker. We went through similar stuff with DH thinking I should just ignore it etc. At one point DH was told to get his wife under control
DH did eventually take it seriously.

Get the baby to call him nanny ...

Yes challenge his views -

This is our plan & we can't have kids. I'll work ft & Dh will go pt and do house work etc.

Mil exclaimed "oh NO, you can't do that" when we foolishly mentioned it.

Truth be told I'm a crap housewife & Dh hates his job so it makes sense to swap.

Alternatively you could say "oh no Lionel, I only call David Daddy when we are making babies". Feel free to use their correct names.

Fluffycloud - yes my MIL is also not supportive of this. My parents and our friends are totally behind us.

I think I've realised I need to start challenging FIL on this..

As pp have said, calmly ask him if he also thought that if you (mum) were at home you would be called both daddy and mummy ? - and then sit and watch his response

I would have to challenge it because otherwise the comments would keep coming after thr baby is born and drive me slowly potty

I'm a stay at home mum & I can assure you that DD has never called me daddy! I'm with fenella

I agree you should challenge this now or it will just fester. Second asking how stay at home mums don't miraculously become mum and dad too .....

"That reminds me FIL, we need to pick grandparent names! My dad wants to be grandpa Fred, would you like to be grandad sexist dinosaur or gramps old fossil?"

FIL has said at least twice that my DH will be both 'mum and dad' and that our baby will be confused and start calling DH 'mummy' because I'll be at work during the day.

I would say, "No, babies aren't born sexist."

I would challenge him. Ask him why he thinks that or ask him of dh used to call MIL daddy as he got confused?

They will never like it, might as well get used to it and show them you don't particularly care about their viewpoint.

Sounds like you have the perfect set up at home. I'd go with the confused questioning and not let it drop. My FIL is annoyed that I'd like to be a SAHM because in his family 'we're not lazy, we all work'. Unwanted opinions= less contact with the grandkids in my book.

Look surprised and say you didn't think DH'S pecs were that prominent!>

I would totally go with FenellaMaxwell's suggestion. But then I am a hard faced evil cow

Call him out on it. Age is not an excuse for behaving like an arsehole. I find it really patronising that people still think that way.

Sounds like a 1950s man to me, concerned his son is "gay" because he is staying at home. Ignorant bigot.

I'd completely ignore it. That's all it deserves.

I think you do need to challenge, rather than letting DH change the subject. Question him about why he thinks that, and make him spell out his prejudices.

Dahlietta's comment is also spot on.

Carshare - we can't win: working or being a SAHM you still get stupid comments!!

Husband stayed at home with the baby while I went back to work - 40 years ago. Mother was aghast and kept on telling me that the baby would be scarred for life. Well, it was unheard of back then. DS is a fab father himself, and very hands-on, having had the modelling as a child.