AIBU: 'Bring your own' party

[user1473598635]

Am I being unreasonable? Just been invited to a party at a friend's house but told what to bring for food to feed the guests and to bring beer....... would have taken booze along anyway and a gift.

[paxillin]

If I supply both food and drink, I'd like to decide the location, time and playlist. So I'd rather host at mine than bringing all that's needed except the furniture to someone else's house.

[TheStoic]

Another Aussie here, and we do it this way much more often than not.0

[Debandherkids]

Yep, bring a plate, sometimes even to dinner

[KoalaDownUnder]

Really?! We only ever do 'bring a plate' for big family bbqs. Not to dinner!

Usually how it goes is that the guest asks 'What should I bring?', the host says 'Just yourself', and the guest turns up with wine (definitely) and/or flowers and chocolates.

[JammyDodger16]

I've been invited to a wedding like this! Totally fine

[HollyBollyBooBoo]

I think it depends on your friendship set. Totally the norm here because there are 4 families who regularly get together, so including the kids there are 16 mouths to feed - that's a lot for 1 family to pay for. So we all agree what we're taking plus drinks.

[Cucumber5]

I'm in the uk and in late 30's. We do bring and share dinner parties, bring and share birthday parties, bring and share weddings, bring and share Christmas/Easter/summer celebrations.

They really are amazing. People usually pull the stops out and labour over a tasty well researched pudding or savoury dish. I like to hear all about the recipes! We are total foodies and appreciate each others cooking.

[Agrippina90]

User - what strange questions. The answer to the first is in my original post really. I'd feel cheap hosting a party like that simply because it's not done in my circle of friends apart from that one couple, and people resent their lack of reciprocity. They go to other people's houses empty-handed and expect to be fed and watered (they're both late-thirties well-paid professionals, by the way). And I'm perfectly happy and able to cook and provide drinks if I want to entertain. As to why I'm friends with her - habit, and the fact we're all in an established friendship group. She wouldn't be very easy to drop. And there are worse faults than meanness! Why did you want to know?

[fishandlilacs]

I have rarely been to a party that's anything different. None of our friends or us have the kind of money to provide food for lots of people so if everyone brings something it cuts down the costs and we love the sharing aspect. Tbh I think this is a very normal thing these days.

[deedee6262]

I have one group of friends (4 couples) and we do this at least twice a year alternating houses. It doesn't work out so expensive for one couple then. The hosts always prepare the main course; one couple does the starter; one does dessert and the other cheese/biscuits. We usually liase with the host so the food gels together ie not two courses similar. It all works out really well and we look forward to them and enjoy. Ps. We take a bottle too

[taxiforme]

Is it a "dinner party" kind of dinner? If so.. a bit strange!

Love the idea and think it's totally acceptable and fun with close friends/BBQ/informal etc but here in very naice middle England it would be polite to mention it in the invite. In my experience the byo parties are normally devolved from an agreement "shall we do a BBQ at taxis next week...yeah.. I'll bring the salad/wine etc"

[TheMaddHugger]

it's normal in my corner of Australia

[treacletoffee23]

I so want to go to one of Dixies parties! I shall strap myself to a plane

[jwpetal]

This is the norm where I grew up in the States and this still continues here. We have Thanksgiving dinner and 4 July at ours and everyone brings something. If it is up front, then I don't see what the problem is. Don't go if it is a problem. It also allows the hosts to invite more people with minimal additional cost. We could not afford to feed 5 families but with this format we can.

[ViewBasket]

I prefer to provide for guests, and then not have to take food if attending a party. It can be troublesome trying to transport your contribution, such as driving with a trifle in the boot, or balancing a salad with your gift and wine on a busy bus or tube.