AIBU: 'Bring your own' party

[user1473598635]

Am I being unreasonable? Just been invited to a party at a friend's house but told what to bring for food to feed the guests and to bring beer....... would have taken booze along anyway and a gift.

[ViewBasket]

I prefer to provide for guests, and then not have to take food if attending a party. It can be troublesome trying to transport your contribution, such as driving with a trifle in the boot, or balancing a salad with your gift and wine on a busy bus or tube.

[jwpetal]

This is the norm where I grew up in the States and this still continues here. We have Thanksgiving dinner and 4 July at ours and everyone brings something. If it is up front, then I don't see what the problem is. Don't go if it is a problem. It also allows the hosts to invite more people with minimal additional cost. We could not afford to feed 5 families but with this format we can.

[treacletoffee23]

I so want to go to one of Dixies parties! I shall strap myself to a plane

[TheMaddHugger]

it's normal in my corner of Australia

[taxiforme]

Is it a "dinner party" kind of dinner? If so.. a bit strange!

Love the idea and think it's totally acceptable and fun with close friends/BBQ/informal etc but here in very naice middle England it would be polite to mention it in the invite. In my experience the byo parties are normally devolved from an agreement "shall we do a BBQ at taxis next week...yeah.. I'll bring the salad/wine etc"

[deedee6262]

I have one group of friends (4 couples) and we do this at least twice a year alternating houses. It doesn't work out so expensive for one couple then. The hosts always prepare the main course; one couple does the starter; one does dessert and the other cheese/biscuits. We usually liase with the host so the food gels together ie not two courses similar. It all works out really well and we look forward to them and enjoy. Ps. We take a bottle too

[fishandlilacs]

I have rarely been to a party that's anything different. None of our friends or us have the kind of money to provide food for lots of people so if everyone brings something it cuts down the costs and we love the sharing aspect. Tbh I think this is a very normal thing these days.

[Agrippina90]

User - what strange questions. The answer to the first is in my original post really. I'd feel cheap hosting a party like that simply because it's not done in my circle of friends apart from that one couple, and people resent their lack of reciprocity. They go to other people's houses empty-handed and expect to be fed and watered (they're both late-thirties well-paid professionals, by the way). And I'm perfectly happy and able to cook and provide drinks if I want to entertain. As to why I'm friends with her - habit, and the fact we're all in an established friendship group. She wouldn't be very easy to drop. And there are worse faults than meanness! Why did you want to know?

[Cucumber5]

I'm in the uk and in late 30's. We do bring and share dinner parties, bring and share birthday parties, bring and share weddings, bring and share Christmas/Easter/summer celebrations.

They really are amazing. People usually pull the stops out and labour over a tasty well researched pudding or savoury dish. I like to hear all about the recipes! We are total foodies and appreciate each others cooking.

[HollyBollyBooBoo]

I think it depends on your friendship set. Totally the norm here because there are 4 families who regularly get together, so including the kids there are 16 mouths to feed - that's a lot for 1 family to pay for. So we all agree what we're taking plus drinks.

[JammyDodger16]

I've been invited to a wedding like this! Totally fine

[KoalaDownUnder]

Really?! We only ever do 'bring a plate' for big family bbqs. Not to dinner!

Usually how it goes is that the guest asks 'What should I bring?', the host says 'Just yourself', and the guest turns up with wine (definitely) and/or flowers and chocolates.

[Debandherkids]

Yep, bring a plate, sometimes even to dinner

[TheStoic]

Another Aussie here, and we do it this way much more often than not.0

[paxillin]

If I supply both food and drink, I'd like to decide the location, time and playlist. So I'd rather host at mine than bringing all that's needed except the furniture to someone else's house.

[StrawberryLime]

I've been to parties where you've had to bring your own booze, but never your own food.
If I was hosting a party, I'd expect to put the food on. Likewise if I went to one, it'd seem strange having to provide the food!
If you're inviting everyone to yours for a party, surely the done thing is to at least provide for everyone?

[stillwantrachelshair]

Due to the location & size of our house, I always end up hosting the get togetherness for a gang of friends. The first couple of times, I didn't mind, times three, four & five, I began to realise that they had a fab time as all they had to do was being a bottle of wine & catch up with friends whilst I was always running around being hostess and then tidying up afterwards. And then they had more & more children (well, one has 4 and two have 3) so, between the 7 of us, there are 18 children (and 5 DH/DPs). It got to be really expensive & hard work. I'm still happy to hold the get-together here but ask people to bring more & no longer race around offering top ups of wine or a cup of tea as they know where everything is. It's been quite interesting learning who really mucks in (one particular friend is very good at noticing a shortage of mugs or spoons, gathering up dirties & doing some dishes) whilst others are oblivious and don't bother to control their children either.

[twattymctwatterson]

You are very quiet OP. Not the response you were expecting?

[moomoo1965]

Meant chocs not crocs - that would be really wierd!

[moomoo1965]

I think it depends on the party. If it's more of a formal dinner party I wouldn't expect anyone to bring anything other than a bottle and maybe crocs, flowers if I'm lucky! I would provide all of the food. However if it was more casual, maybe a BBQ, impromptu gathering, with loads of kids etc I would be happy to provide a main plate - i.e. Curry, chilli, hot dogs, pizza etc if others bring dips, salads, crisps etc. This is a lovely way to get everyone together for a bit of fun without one person footing all the bill - bearing in mind the host does end up with all the washing up and s house they looks like Armageddon!

[user1477282676]

Agrippina why don't you also host a party like that? And even more pertinent, why are you friends with this person?

[Agrippina90]

I have a friend that does this - trouble is she and her DP are known for being mean and the perception (and I'm afraid reality) is that they're doing it because they're tight. They provide almost nothing and ask other people to bring not only all the food but also things like bottles of whisky! She even posted on Facebook once about how much she was enjoying eating everyone's leftovers for a week because they kept all the uneaten food. Nobody else in our group has potluck parties so there's no reciprocity. They boast about hosting parties almost for free whilst other people have to spend a fortune and don't notice how appalled we all are. If it's reciprocated in a group then I think it's a lovely idea though.

[BackforGood]

I agree with the vast majority - perfectly normal, and makes it much easier to host a party, therefore meaning you are likely to have more parties to go to. (UK, Midlands)

[SenecaFalls]

I went to a potluck wedding reception once too, and it was really nice. It was a young couple with no money and whose families couldn't help out financially. Some friends got together and organized the potluck. With the B&G's full agreement, they requested food and drinks for the reception in lieu of gifts and it was held in the US equivalent of a village hall. One of the best (and most non-bridezilla-ist) weddings I've ever attended.