AIBU: 'Bring your own' party

[user1473598635]

Am I being unreasonable? Just been invited to a party at a friend's house but told what to bring for food to feed the guests and to bring beer....... would have taken booze along anyway and a gift.

[Matchingbluesocks]

Sounds shit to me.

[brasty]

To tally fine. But I would query a wedding party where this was done if those getting married were well off.

[PenelopeFlintstone]

I'm in Australia and we don't do this. In fact, there is an ad for Celebrations chocolates which says they are, "What to bring, when you're told not to bring a thing!", so lots of people must be saying, "Don't bring a thing".

[Gwenhwyfar]

If you don't want to bring food, just don't go.
What's the thing with a gift for the hostess? Isn't that for dinner parties? A gift seems quite useless to me when you could be bringing something useful for the party.

[Pluto30]

Penelope The whole basis of the ad is the expectation that people bring something though...

A lot of people will say not to bring something, but there's a tacit understanding that you contribute something, even if it's as small as a box of Celebrations.

[Gwenhwyfar]

brasty - I agree that I wouldn't want to bring my own to a wedding, but that's because people tend to travel longer distances to weddings and the cost of attending (travel, accommodation, etc.) is already very high. It would also be awkward to carry food on the train/bus. I don't see the problem with a local party though.

[milkysmum]

It's a 'Jacobs join' then? Or some people call them a lot look party? I think they are great and are more common in some friendship circles than others I guess. Doesn't sound like you want to be very helpful to your friends though which is a shame

[expatinscotland]

Common in parts of the US I lived in, and you bring an actual dish not just a bag of crisps.

[EllenJanethickerknickers]

Normal here, too. Sometimes called 'bring and share' but mostly just called 'a party.' It's different to a dinner party but even then usually the host provides the main course and guests bring a starter or pudding, or after dinner posh chocolates.

New Year's Eve at Mandy's is my favourite one. Loads of lovely food, children welcome and dancing until 2 or 3 am. She hosts it every year and couldn't possibly do that if she paid for the food to feed almost 60 people including the children. My contribution is normally homemade potato salad and coleslaw.

[LittleLionMansMummy]

I think it's a great idea, providing everyone takes something, including the 'host'. Now my family is larger we often do something like this at Christmas - the host does most of the work including the main, but the guests bring the starter/ dessert.

[PenelopeFlintstone]

Yes Pluto. It's good manners to bring something as a present, but I don't want people bringing actual food for everyone to eat. The reason I tell people (friends) not to bring anything is because we have a lot of summer barbies and drinks, rotating between everyone's places. I'd rather cook the whole lot once for everyone, at some expense and effort admittedly. But then I don't have to worry about what to cook until it's my turn again. For me, it's less stressful. But I guess it's all swings and roundabouts and works out the same in the end. Just depends what people prefer to do and can afford in one go.

[HubbleBubbles]

I'm just pleased to be invited to a party tbh! I would always ask if I can bring anything ,and if answer is no I would bring wine or chocs as default. We do all sorts of combos where I live..one lady loves to cook and organise so she asks everyone to chip in some cash say a fiver This has caused a few raised eyebrows but I think it works really well!
Last time I asked everyone to bring a dish I ended up with far too many plates of cup cakes so for my last party I told most people to just bring themselves with the exception of a couple of friends who make amazing "signature" party dishes - and they were flattered to be asked.

[Katy07]

I don't see a problem with being asked to bring food generally if it's highlighted in the invite, but I think that telling someone exactly what to bring is unreasonable. Suggesting that ' a dessert or a starter' would be best is okay though, to avoid getting several lots of one thing and none of another.

[JasperDamerel]

It depends on the situation, I think, as to whether it's ok to tell people what to bring.

I have one friend who organises a big annual party and has a list of things (eg salad, bread, olives, cold meat, vegan main dish etc) and everyone picks something off the list and provides roughly £5 worth of that thing. It works well, and means that there is always nice food and drink for everyone.

[doobyboobydo]

It's called a pot luck in the states and I love it!

Means we have a lot more parties as the cost isn't ridiculous.

[doobyboobydo]

Even if it isn't a pot luck most times when you ask people to dinner here they'll bring a side that goes with what you're cooking and their own alcohol apart from our very very posh friends who do 5 course meals with naice wine and we struggle to do the same back once a year.

[Nurszilla]

Not common in my friendship groups, late 20's South UK. Whoever hosts the party is expected to provide the food whereas it's pretty much the unwritten rule that you bring your own drinks although the host will normally provide one sort of alcoholic drink ie punch or vodka jelly. However I'd be happy to bring a dish if asked, and plenty of friends have a particular dish they enjoy cooking so bring this along to a party without being requested to do so.

[BooeyBubbleHead]

We have friends that do this all the time, invite everyone to a party/BBQ then on the day text to say "can you bring some burgers & sausages?" and then on the journey to their house getting a phone call: "oh we've ran out of rolls would you pick some up - and whatever you want to drink" They're very good friends so we tend to just roll our eyes and laugh about it, and when we arrive, we all compare notes (discretely!) about what we were asked to bring (the communal catering tends to exclude the hosts!). The bit that does annoy me is that they never bring anything to the events that they're invited to, not even a solitary bottle of beer.

I agree with a previous poster - if it is billed as a "bring and share" its all good fun and you have the option of attending or not.

[doobyboobydo]

Blooey if they don't bring stuff when coming to yours they abvvu.

[ShelaghTurner]

I was at a bring your own BBQ in the summer. First one I'd ever been to, no problem at all with it. But there was no allocation of what to bring so there was loads of everything and I was given most of mine to take home. I felt awful because I'd essentially been and eaten everyone else's food and taken mine home . Wasn't deliberate, it all got put out and the host just cooked in his own order and mine happened to be last so not needed.

[franincisco]

Booey these type of events work extremely well for people like your friends who have a brass neck and don't mind taking advantage of others' good nature. They bring nothing but are the first to pile their plates high whilst the others who cooked stand back open mouthed.

Odfod thanks for clearing that up, if it is culturally/religiously expected then it is completely different.

[Sassypants82]

We do this. Works really well & everyone is thrilled to be involved.

[OlennasWimple]

I love pot lucks - except there is always so much food left over