AIBU: 'Bring your own' party

[user1473598635]

Am I being unreasonable? Just been invited to a party at a friend's house but told what to bring for food to feed the guests and to bring beer....... would have taken booze along anyway and a gift.

[MrsDrSpencerReid]

Totally normal here (Aus)

[HicDraconis]

Totally usual here (NZ). Whenever we are invited out the first question is always "what shall we bring?"

Bringing your own wine is a given :)

It's great. You don't need to take a lot - if you take enough for 2-3 people (and everyone who brings a plate will take more than that) then there will be enough food to feed the party several times over. There's always huge variety and generally lots left over which people either take back with them or come back the next day to help finish off.

[HappyCamel]

Totally normal in the US and probably just making its way across to the U.K. now. I love it because we can invite more people. It's expensive when everyone has husbands and kids and dietary preferences and so. If I'm hosting I provide non alcoholic drinks, a meat dish, queso and chips (I'm in the Southern States) and pizza for the kids.

[ADogCalledDave]

Sorry to derail the thread but I have a v important question for Dixie

Wtf are beer margaritas?!

[steff13]

If I'm hosting I provide non alcoholic drinks, a meat dish, queso and chips (I'm in the Southern States) and pizza for the kids.

I'm a Yankee born and bred, and I always get queso and chips for a potluck. Also salsa and guacamole. Yum.

The most fun about potlucks, IMO, is that everyone tends to bring their "specialty" dish. So you get a wide variety of really good food.

[Rainbunny]

So it's a "Pot Luck" party then. Totally fine by me as along as it's made clear in advance. Sometimes you get asked to bring a particular category (appetizer/salad/dessert etc...) and sometimes whatever you want to bring (which runs the risk of everyone bringing dessert as once happened.) It's a nice way for people to meet up without one person bearing all the cost. I'm very lazy when it comes to cooking for these things so I've become famous for my "fromage et charcuterie" boards :)

We're having an election night pot-luck party (we're in the States) so I'm guessing everyone will bring a lot of booze given the potential outcome...!

[shellybr]

I am in Australia too and it is very normal to bring a plate of something when you are invited, it was the same when we lived in New Zealand. 1st question most people ask when they are invited is what they can bring.

[AmeliaJack]

Quite regularly our friendship group will have a party where everyone brings a contribution.

There are 7 couples and 18 children. When we all get together one family offers to host and we all volunteer to bring a main course or a dessert for a buffet. Everyone also brings alcohol and a gift for the host.

Only three of us really have enough space to host so it makes it fairer. It also makes it easier to cover various health/dietary requirements.

Our children are mostly old enough to play themselves now so they tend to be wonderful, relaxed, fun parties.

[WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat]

Aus here too, and in our friendship groups it's the norm. I always love these parties (although having only been here five years, the first time I was asked to 'bring a plate', I was genuinely confused! I couldn't work out what it meant until I asked a new friend and I'm glad I did because I thought maybe I had to bring my own plate to eat off of ).

Really love the variation of foods, all the different potato bakes, salads, cob dips etc. I'll usually bring some chicken kebabs, a bowl of chilli, soft drinks for all the kids and wine/vodka passionfruit punch and beers. In fact, this is making me want to organise something for this weekend!

[shrunkenhead]

I wouldn't ask people as tend to do a buffet style thing but friends always ask what they can bring, salad, dessert etc. I think it's just polite. And if ever invited to anyone's house it's polite to bring a bottle for the host. I'd never turn up empty handed.

[KERALA1]

I don't get the op - are you outraged at this and expecting us all to tut about it?

Similar goes on here - a few of us have houses large enough for whole groups would be quite tough if we were expected to cater for 12-18 people single handedly whenever we meet up whereas those that cannot or will not host everyone get a permanent free pass.

[ExcellentWorkThereMary]

I've read this thread with interest because I remember in the summer a thread where someone was asked to bring a contribution of meat to a BBQ and everyone's was outraged saying, you host the BBQ you should provide the meat... but then this thread says it is fine to ask guests to bring (already cooked?) food to a party. In my experience among my friends BBQs are always bring your own meat, unless otherwise specified (which is unusual) but a party or gathering (indoors, I guess!) is generally bring your own drink, hosts provides the food, whether it be full on buffet or just nibbles...

Just interesting, is all. I'm not fussed either way, I'll always ask what I should bring to a party, then respond accordingly!

I'm hosting NYE this year and haven't decided yet whether to ask people to bring food or not...!

[user1477282676]

Mary I think that it's just a bit...odd...to bring a cut of raw meat to a party. I understand the logic behind it but it seems somehow uncivilised. That's very English of me I know.

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

Been to many parties like this.

Sorry, I don't see the issue.

[OzzieFem]

BBQ pack are available in our supermarkets (WA), usually consisting of two sausages and some steak, so it must be quite common. Personally I've never been to a "bring your own" BBQ.

[franincisco]

In some cultures hosting a party means you host everything, expecting people to bring food in unheard of. I would think it strange going to someones house and bringing food and most definitely a christening.

We do potluck for community events and I dread them now. It's the same people every time who bring food and everyone else brings biscuits and crisps and then complains that there isn't enough food It annoys me that I've put time and money into a meal when others have have spent 99p on their way.

[Aebj]

Another one in Oz. I always get asked to make sausage rolls and a cob loaf! Very normal here

[ClashCityRocker]

I'm in the uk and this is how most parties end up.

The host normally provides soft drinks and a few bits of food - salad, bread and ham and everyone else brings a dish.

Works well, particulalry in groups where not everyone has a house suited to parties so can't throw one to reciprocate.

[franincisco]

Odfod I would be more than slightly at someone requesting to bring food and drink to their wedding party, especially if they wealthy! Can I ask what the logic for that was?

Going back to the OP, I think she INBU as the host dictated what food should have been brought. Surely potluck is called that for a reason? Or at the most can you bring a starter/main/dessert.

[OurBlanche]

UK and in my 50s... when in my hideously impoverished 20s I used to host dinner parties that were:

1. In someone elses house - whoever had the nicest kitchen
   
2. Often for absolutely no reason at all
   
3. Too expensive for me to pay for, so we all kicked in an agreed amount, which I then spent on ingredients
   
4. Teetotal unless guests also brought their own alcohol! Though I may have been able to afford a box of wine every now and then.
   
5. Cleaned up by anyone but me and the owner of the kitchen!
   

We did loads of them. Some were inspired by whatever the latest (far less frequent than now) telly chef had decreed was "The In Thing" - assuming our local supermarket actually carried the main, hitherto unheard of, ingredient.

And Bring The Food BBQs were usual too! One person paid for the cost of the BBQ, coals etc and everyone else brought food and booze.

Back then, outside the City Wotsits, we were so bloody cash strapped that any kind of party was a joint endeavour!

[Kel1234]

Personally I hate it, and I never ask people to bring anything. If you do a party you provide food and drinks.
I know people who do ask though

[shovetheholly]

This was common amongst my friends in my 20s. Generally the host would provide more booze and food than people bring, though. It's usually stuff like a simple dish (e.g. a salad) plus a bottle of booze. Nowadays, we just go to the pub!