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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be creeped out by my friend's DH?

71 replies

wejammin · 29/10/2016 20:20

I've got a really lovely friend that I've known for several years. Her DH does not like me, he thinks I'm a ridiculous lefty liberal. I don't mind that he doesn't like me, I'm perfectly accepting of the fact that not everyone gets on with everyone else.

He's alright to my face, he's pretty rude to everyone in general but in an "it's all banter" sort of way. I find his views occasionally offensive and once had an argument with him on Facebook because of a ridiculous (I'm my view) statement about breast feeding in public being akin to sex or urinating in public.

I chose to become vegan over 2 years ago. I don't care what people think about it. I don't hide it but it's not the be all and end all of my life.

Ever since then, he is regularly making totally unprovoked negative comments on facebook about vegans. The other week a mutual friend posted about religious intolerance. He made a comment about hating vegans. He once posted he was at a food festival "with no fucking vegans". Today he has posted without any relevance to anything else in his life that vegans should just "eat meat for fucks sake".

I'm certain it's directed at me and I never respond. I have no idea how to act around him in real life (and thankfully I've not seen him for a while).

AIBU to find it wierd and creepy?

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 29/10/2016 22:07

I would delete and block him, he sounds vile.

JellyBelli · 29/10/2016 22:11

I think the fact that you are concerned about letting him 'win' is the real problem. He's got you invested in a toxic relationship. Let it go.

MistressMerryWeather · 29/10/2016 22:19

Exactly, just unfriend/delete/remove him. Why would you give a shit if he thinks he's won?

You're just continuing to play his games by thinking like that.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 29/10/2016 22:20

It's simple you just unfollow him .. he won't know and you'll be liberated from his silly anti vegan posts.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 29/10/2016 22:23

I had to hide my cousin from my news feed because he likes Britain's First crap and is inherently racist. The post that swung it for me was a picture of the Qu'ran burning. Apparently it doesn't violate Facebook's community standards though .

We don't have to have idiotic views clogging up our news feeds. I do get on with my cousin in general so I wouldn't delete him but in your case I'd definitely be deleting and blocking rather than just hiding. You aren't his friend, he has made him contempt for you quite apparent so why even give him headspace.

LadyStoic · 29/10/2016 22:42

BowieFan I see your:

'OP, I've blocked people who had their occupation as "full-time mummy"'

And I raise you to someone preggers with PFB on mine with:

'Occupation' - "full-time mummy......"'

'At' - "A mummy-to be-with my baby in my tummy"

I shit you not

QueenLizIII · 29/10/2016 22:46

Ladystoic a fb friend of mine who is an old colleague has stopped using her name since she had her baby.

She refers to herself as Mummy and her DH as Daddy in all posts instead of I and her DHs name. It is so nausea inducing.

But this : A mummy-to be-with my baby in my tummy is just disgusting.

YuckYuckEwwww · 29/10/2016 22:55

God he sounds like a dick if he was my friend's DH I'ld have him on limited profile and hidden from my feed..

but also I think YABU to be sure the anti-vegan thing is about you specifically, I'm not vegan and see those posts sometimes on my Facebook, veganism has got hugely popular recently (which is great) so most people now know several vegans as well as passing vegan food outlets in town regularly etc

DixieWishbone · 29/10/2016 22:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FluffyFluffster · 29/10/2016 23:11

As well as unfollowing him, you can also set all your posts to be visible to everyone except him or a select group. Just an fyi :) I find it fab when I have someone constantly being obnoxious to try and get a reaction. Unfortunately it's usually family and it's a bit of a family trait and they're good people just a bit annoying sometimes.

bumsexatthebingo · 29/10/2016 23:21

I think you are probably being a little oversensitive to think his posts are solely directed at you. There are probably others on his fbook that bf/don't eat meat. I have acquaintances on my fbook who constantly bang on about sahms being lazy and autism being vaccine related or a new invention now that kids are no longer given a good smack (from someone with an autistic close relative strangely enough) but I don't think they are aiming stuff at me. I just think they are opinionated and, in a lot of cases, stupid. If they give me a good laugh I keep them if not I unfollow.

AskBasil · 29/10/2016 23:40

What a nasty bastard he sounds.

Fancy behaving like that towards your spouse's friend.

I don't know why people think that doing this sort of thing on FB, is more acceptable than doing it in RL.

Block and unfollow

Heebiejeebies77 · 29/10/2016 23:41

It feels like he wants your attention. His wife must see these posts (assuming she's friends with him too on fb?!) so I wonder what she feels about it when he writes inflammatory remarks. If it's getting to you, maybe reply something along the lines of, 'hmmm, something tells me you aren't keen on vegans...that's a shame, but really, the only person whose good opinion I want is (insert friend's name here). It might remind him of the responsibility he has to his wife in not deliberately winding up her mates and hopefully she'll see it as well and tell him off! Or just block his posts...

LadyStoic · 29/10/2016 23:48

Dixie she is so spectacularly hung up on tummy (as rhymes with mummy; 'obvs' 'hun' - you get drift...) that having that distinction pointed out to her would make no difference.

And I can't unfriend her due to a fairly complex IL dynamic (& I can't bring myself to hide her shit from newsfeed as it is so grim that it transcends into much hilarity in the evil Stoic Household)

It's waaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy worse than 'just' the 'Full time Mummy at Mummy-To-Be tho - she'll post a status that is simply an 'I luvs you so much [insert boyfriend's name'] followed by a 1000 heart emojis

To which in turn HE then replies to her with a 'no, I luvs you more hun', and this goes on for about 10-15 posts but just them - AKA what is in effect a PM exchange on a fucking loop but for some reason the boakness is escaping them...

They met at a petrol station. Shall I go on?

LadyStoic · 29/10/2016 23:49

AskBasil · 30/10/2016 10:56

Lady Stoic.

When I hear about people doing this, I always wonder vaguely if they are doing some kind of complicated performance art experiment.

Like seeing whether someone will have an explosion on their pages in disgust.

luckylavender · 30/10/2016 11:05

Or stand up to him!

AntiHop · 30/10/2016 12:45

It sounds like he's jealous or threatened by the self control and commitment that is needed to be vegan.

YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 30/10/2016 13:02

I also wondered if this was Riders updated! Is your name Hilary?

DeleteOrDecay · 30/10/2016 13:10

I agree just unfollow him, ignorance is bliss and unfriending him will let him know that he has got to you which is exactly what he wants.

Original poster

wejammin · 30/10/2016 19:35

Going to have to read Riders now

OP posts:

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