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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be creeped out by my friend's DH?

71 replies

wejammin · 29/10/2016 20:20

I've got a really lovely friend that I've known for several years. Her DH does not like me, he thinks I'm a ridiculous lefty liberal. I don't mind that he doesn't like me, I'm perfectly accepting of the fact that not everyone gets on with everyone else.

He's alright to my face, he's pretty rude to everyone in general but in an "it's all banter" sort of way. I find his views occasionally offensive and once had an argument with him on Facebook because of a ridiculous (I'm my view) statement about breast feeding in public being akin to sex or urinating in public.

I chose to become vegan over 2 years ago. I don't care what people think about it. I don't hide it but it's not the be all and end all of my life.

Ever since then, he is regularly making totally unprovoked negative comments on facebook about vegans. The other week a mutual friend posted about religious intolerance. He made a comment about hating vegans. He once posted he was at a food festival "with no fucking vegans". Today he has posted without any relevance to anything else in his life that vegans should just "eat meat for fucks sake".

I'm certain it's directed at me and I never respond. I have no idea how to act around him in real life (and thankfully I've not seen him for a while).

AIBU to find it wierd and creepy?

OP posts:

QueenLizIII · 29/10/2016 21:03

Post this on one of his comments

AIBU to be creeped out by my friend's DH?

bunnyfuller · 29/10/2016 21:05

Delete your FB account. I did so in March, am so much better for it. It's insidious/bragging/look at me/spiteful bitching. Plus there's just too many people on there writing 'your' instead of 'you're'.

TheDowagerCuntess · 29/10/2016 21:06

Well, this one was easily resolved!

Yes, just hide him, if you can't defriend him.

You will be able to give him way less headspace, as a result.

TheDowagerCuntess · 29/10/2016 21:07

bunny

IKnowWhyACagedBirdSings · 29/10/2016 21:11

I second " unfollowing" him. He gets his kicks out of belittling others and that is his problem not yours,

Original poster

wejammin · 29/10/2016 21:20

queenliz

I did contemplate being passive aggressive. He's done that on some of my posts before.

I don't want to get rid of Facebook, in all other respects I love Facebook, it has so many positive things for me. It's just this one twat.

OP posts:

QueenLizIII · 29/10/2016 21:23

Unfollow him. You will never see his posts and so they wont rile you.

kennypppppppp · 29/10/2016 21:28

To be totally passive aggressive (or it's probably not) - but what I'd do is block him, but make sure that you comment on his wife's photos/mutual friends photos etc, etc so that he can see you're still on Facebook but not friends with him.

And if he actually asks why you've blocked him you can just airily say "she la la la la. Why do you care?" Or something loads cleverer than that (which won't be hard)

abbsismyhero · 29/10/2016 21:32

put him down as an acquaintance instead of friend change your settings to friends except acquaintances then he can't see/comment unless you specifically include him so much more fun than deleting him that way he can't complain you have deleted him because you haven't you're just choosing what he has access too

SpaceUnicorn · 29/10/2016 21:33

It's just this one twat.

But it doesn't have to be. You easily could unfriend/block him.

Why on earth would you waste energy getting wound up by someone that you don't like making comments that you don't have to even see in the first place? It's kind of masochistic

JustSpeakSense · 29/10/2016 21:38

Also, make him an 'acquaintance' on fb and then post all your future posts to 'friends not acquaintances' so he won't see your posts

Pettywoman · 29/10/2016 21:39

Unfollow him and and your posts you don't want him to see to 'close friends' so he can't see them.

Pettywoman · 29/10/2016 21:40

Or what Just said.

PippaFawcett · 29/10/2016 21:43

Not FB related, but isn't it a shame when you don't get on with peoples DPs? There's quite a few I only tolerate, and one who is downright rude to me and DH and I have no idea why so I avoid him if at all possible. Fortunately I just see my lovely friend by herself most of the time, it would be sad if we lost our friendship because of it but it is the elephant in the room sometimes - we would never spend NYE together for example.

PuppetInParadize · 29/10/2016 21:46

Honestly, what I don't get is why you'd choose to share on fb with a partner of a friend who you know does not like you, and who you don't like either.

Clandestino · 29/10/2016 21:49

I didn't realise you could "unfollow" someone without "unfriending" them. I thought if I deleted them he would feel victorious, as someone said up thread. I know that's daft!

AFAIK, you don't get told when someone blocks you or unfriends you on FB. You simply can't see them anymore. Is there any reason he'd want/need to see you on FB? If not and he asks, you can simply remark something about whether he's stalking you.
And btw, rather than him feeling victorious, he may simply feel peeved off because he can't get a rise out of you. And slightly insulted because you blocked him from your life. Also, if he's an arsehole, why suffer his insults for the sake of pretending that he doesn't bother you if he really does? Block and ignore, avoid in IRL - you will have the peace of mind and he'll have to find himself another target for his arseholnesness.

BowieFan · 29/10/2016 21:50

OP, I've blocked people who had their occupation as "full-time mummy" so I think you've actually been very restrained in still being his friend!

Just block the twat. He's just one of these morons who has finally found a community where he can express all the racist and intolerant shit he wants.

Mrskeats · 29/10/2016 21:50

I've had to hide the posts of my oldest friend who I believe is a twat of the highest order (she's lovely obviously)
Racist posts aplenty and he also thinks I'm a lefty loony. Me and went out for a meal and he called me 'wench' and starts on about women should be in the kitchen blah blah blah. My dp won't see him socially again which is a shame but there you go.
Unfriend, block, etc.
I see my friend alone now. She's struggling with their different values too

Mrskeats · 29/10/2016 21:51

Oldest friend's husband. Sorry

Whisky2014 · 29/10/2016 21:54

This is so typically British. Forgods sake delete him! He is not your "friend" and you dont have to have someone who doesnt like you on your fb friends list. Delete and move on. Why do we pander to this crap?

SwearyInn · 29/10/2016 21:57

personally I'd be doing the happy dance knowing i had successfully wound him up so much. keep doing what you're doing - he's wasting loads of his brain space on reflecting on your food/political/breastfeeding stance.

well done! arseholes like this need to be kept on their toes.

Justaboy · 29/10/2016 22:00

HedgehogHedgehog has it around right an insecurity or something he just cannot understand.

Met people like that before it's usually the underlying reason they behave that way:(

BillCipher · 29/10/2016 22:02

I don't know if you can still do it but I'd stick him in a custom list by himself and then do status updates all about the benefits of being a vegan and then only have them display to the list with him in

flippinada · 29/10/2016 22:05

He sounds supremely irritating and unpleasant.

Just unfollow him on FB, then you don't need to read or engage with any of his nonsense. Your blood pressure will benefit greatly :)

AcrossthePond55 · 29/10/2016 22:05

This is one of the reasons I'm not on FB. I mean, my best friend's husband is. Our DH's are friends, and if I was 'friends' with her on FB and didn't become 'friends' with him holy hell would break out and my DH would inevitably get drawn in.

I'd 'unfriend' your friend's DH. I wouldn't care if he thought he 'won'. I wouldn't want him to have any glimpses into my life.

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