To not want people in our room?

[AIlthingmeow]

Recently moved back in with MIL as we were struggling to save for a house while renting so she suggested we moved back. We currently don't pay rent, only some money towards bills and food.

I came home today to find BIL and his girlfriend sat on our bed playing with the cat. I know when I went out I closed the bedroom door and I was the last one in there, DP was at work then straight out with his work mates and I was out with MIL so for the cat to even have got in there it means BIL or GF would have to have opened the door to go in there to start with.

This makes me incredibly uncomfortable, I barely know his girlfriend, she's actually quite nasty to me, but despite that neither her nor BIL have any reason to go into the room let alone be sat on our bed

WIBU to say something to either MIL, BIL&GF or DP to stop them going in there when I'm not around again? At the end of the day it is MILs house, not mine, and k feel a bit weird telling her who can and cannot go into what rooms in her home but it also makes me uncomfortable to think they might be/have been in there and I have no idea.

I wouldn't have any problem if I was in there or at least known that they'd gone in, just not comfy with the idea of them being in there without my knowledge.

his girlfriend said to him later, when she thought I couldn't hear, that the rooms not even mine so what right do I have.

I'df ind a way to kick that cow into touch straight away - and ask MIL if you can put a lock the for. One of those where the lock is in the handle is very discreet and doesn't look bad.

As you said you don't get along with BIL's GF, and you overheard what was said about your room not being your room, I'd say that SHE went into your room, he came across her in there and she claimed she was just petting the cat and that's when you walked in.

I'd ask MIL about changing the door handle so it can be locked from the outside with a key (and I'd tell her why). I wouldn't bother with a chat because your BF's brothers GF sounds the sort who won't listen and will just get better about doing it on the sly while nosying through your things.

That's a bit odd!! I'd just get DP to tell his brother that your room is off limits when you're out ... would they be snooping!? I'd be worried that the cat thing was an excuse and perhaps they were looking for something or if they're into sex in off limits places etc!? I'd never just go sit in my brothers room now at his house - I'd be worried what I might see lol!!

How would MIL take it if your DP approached her about you putting an external lock on the door OP? Unless she's likely to mind that's exactly what I would be doing, BIL's GF has made it obvious she has no intention of respecting your privacy and I couldn't relax knowing she could sneak in when no one's looking.

Get your husband to deal with it.

Oh they're teenagers so probably just didn't really think about it. Maybe just politely say to him that you'd like to keep some privacy in your room so could they just respect that.

Tell them cats in bedrooms creeps you out - so door needs to stay closed at all times

She's still a teenager and probably roots through her siblings things all the time. She needs to learn boundaries.
I'd hate someone being in my room. We're moving into our new home next week, I know people are going to want a tour, I hate the thought of it, I'm terribly private.

Go into HIS room and play with the cat in there, making sure it's when he's due home shortly.

Changeling. I know - it's awful isn't it? The only people that have ever been in my current home are our parents. Even then I don't feel comfortable showing them round private areas like the bathroom and bedroom. I'm a bit funny about my home; I don't invite people round and I discourage people from dropping in and always arrange to meet them somewhere public. I'm not ashamed of it - it's tidy and nicely decorated. It's also mine and a sanctuary where I shut the door on the world.

Changeling. I know - it's awful isn't it? The only people that have ever been in my current home are our parents. Even then I don't feel comfortable showing them round private areas like the bathroom and bedroom. I'm a bit funny about my home; I don't invite people round and I discourage people from dropping in and always arrange to meet them somewhere public. I'm not ashamed of it - it's tidy and nicely decorated. It's also mine and a sanctuary where I shut the door on the world.

I am exactly the same!

Thank God it's not just me!

I've called round on new friend's for coffee and they've insisted that I look round the house and practically flaunt the contents of their knicker drawer, while I'm more "Oh! You want to come IN!"

(Mind , they always have houses like show homes, and mine generally looks as though I have been stabling donkeys it, and they've had a party . . . )

Ask your mil if you can fit a lock on the door

they are completely out of order. Speak with your DH. I don't even go into MY own bedroom without asking when someone else is using it! (parents for example, as the bed is better than the one in the spare room).

Get your DP to deal with it - his family

YANBU. I would be very upset. You don't have your own home at present, so this room is YOUR only personal space. Best to come straight out with it, so no grey areas. Be nice but firm.

Unless your mother in law is extremely insensitive she would understand you want your room to be your private space. So talk to her and if she doesn't tell you she will stop it happening in future she is not doing the right thing.

Put a lock on the door. That is your private space. leave a key with you Mil for emergencys. No one should be I. Your room without permission.

I think if private space is so important to you perhaps living with your mil and bil isn't the best arrangement. Look for a cheap studio or a house share.

I'd be offended if my Dc moved back home and wanted a lock for their door. It's our family home, we trust each other. Locks are to keep strangers out, not family.

I wouldn't want anyone living in my home I didn't trust, or didn't trust me. If anyone in my home felt they needed a lock then our relationship needs some work.

I think the lock is the best idea really, because the gf isn't listening to you, nor is she to be trusted, nor is she family yet.

I had problems with dd2 taking dd1's make-up, clothes etc and she'd laugh it off when confronted with 'I'd let you use my things..." (she would) but dd1 was eventually so disturbed at the privacy invasion that we happily fitted a lock.

It was a great solution and I really do recommend you ask MIL if you can do that. Just promise to reinstate the old handle when you leave.

It's our family home, we trust each other.

But BIL and his snotty little harridan beloved have shown that they can't be trusted.

I'd discuss it with MIL and prompt her to suggest the lock :)

How about this duvet cover. They might get the message!

Perfect!