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AIBU?

My daughter slapped a work colleague on the shop floor!

314 replies

plastique · 28/10/2016 20:50

My daughter is distraught, she slapped a colleague at work whilst having playful banter (though they did cross the line), but it was a bit hard, left a mark for 10 mins and colleague is not happy...what should she do??

OP posts:

Report

creepingitreal · 28/10/2016 22:51

What age is your daughter?

She's made a mistake and if it was all in jest then ask her to apologise and explain that it was misjudged and a mistake.

If someone did that to me and it was during horse play then I'd suck it up as it wasn't intentional. I wouldn't be looking to get them fired

Diemme · 28/10/2016 22:52

Lots of people assuming the role of judge, jury and executioner. Physical assault is always wrong but the facts remain that 1) there are always two sides and 2) everyone has the right to a fair hearing. She absolutely does not have to resign. He needs to admit he provoked her. She needs to alologise, acknowledge that in the heat of the moment she over reacted and behaved totally out of character. The potential is definitely there for them to move on from this.

CharlieSierra · 28/10/2016 22:53

CharlieSierra

So you would discipline them both on the word of one person that has hit someone so hard that it left a mark on the face?

I said based on him having said something so bad she lost her rag. However now we've heard other women think he deserved it I wouldn't discipline them both, if he tried to take it further I'd take him in a room and explain that if he carried on there would be several harrassment complaints with his name on, so best to drop it. And keep his hands and comments to himself in future.

Amandahugandkisses · 28/10/2016 22:56

A woman who has been verbally degraded, or harassed lashing out in a moment of temper is not physically threatening in the same way a man is to a woman.
If this were two men I doubt this incident would have even got to management.
I don't know the background obv but there is more to this, esp if some of the other women in the working environment are saying this character deserved a slap.

thisisafakename · 28/10/2016 22:56

Boney no, not necessarily. Women can be violent too. However, I think the suggestion that women are just as violent as men and that it should be treated the same undermines the serious violence that women are subjected too. Most women are physically weaker than men. If your 7-year old slaps you, he would be naughty but you would presumably not feel physically threatened by him because you are physically stronger and in a position of power over him. Two women per week lose their lives as a result of domestic violence. The equivalent figure for men is negligible.

Cheryl1961 · 28/10/2016 22:59

Sounds to me that he thinks hes gods gift to women and is therefore entitled to behave the way he has done.

I think the reason hes not answered the girls message is his egos bruised and hes concerned that somethings going to come back on him.

I'd sit it out until Monday and see what happens.

whatlifestylechoice · 28/10/2016 23:00

You're right, piglet, it's not ok to slap anyone. But the OP asked what she should do re her daughter and I told her what I would do if my daughter was in the same situation.
It's nice to think what we would do in theory, if we were all on a level playing field, but we're not. And as long as we're not, I'm going to tell my daughter how to protect her back. Because no one else is looking out for her .

littlepeas · 28/10/2016 23:05

Bloody hell, I feel really sorry for the OP's daughter. She is obviously not a violent person who goes around slapping people for the hell of it. Yes, she should have reported his 'banter', rather than resorting to slapping him, but I feel really cross on her behalf, seeing other women saying she should be sacked. I have 2 sons and a daughter - they are all under 10 at the moment, but I am absolutely certain that if, in the future, one of my sons received a slap around the face for speaking inappropriately to a woman I would say it served them right. If my dd found herself in a situation like the OP's dd, I would support her fully. Many things need to be done to improve equality between the sexes - defending a man who has been slapped by a woman whom he pushed, shoved and made lewd remarks to is not one of them.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 28/10/2016 23:07

Thisis

How do you think women who hit men should be treated then?

Slarti · 28/10/2016 23:14

So the consensus here is that when a woman hits a man he must have done something to deserve it.

kali110 · 28/10/2016 23:14

Inwouldn't resign but your daughter has gone to far.
I've had banter at my old job, pushing and shoving ( joking around nobody was harassed) but nobody has or would have ever slapped someone we were all friends.

what your comment is awful.
If it was a women who was slapped this would be different.
Disgraceful.

Twatty · 28/10/2016 23:16

So the consensus here is

Not sure you are reading the same thread. I've read a lot of different opinions on this thread. Couldn't say there are more of one then the other......

littlepeas · 28/10/2016 23:19

We are not talking about senseless violence against men here, we are talking about a man who (we assume, based on vague info from OP) has repeatedly physically and verbally 'bantered' with a woman who eventually slapped him. Mumsnet is frustratingly black and white at times.

BoneyBackJefferson · 28/10/2016 23:19

CharlieSierra

At this point in time no-one knows what was said other than the OP's DD and the man, We have gone from "banter" to "harrasment", to a number of women that would back her up, most of what we know is hearsay.

By all means investigate it fully, but to threaten someone without knowing the full details would meant that you as a manager would be in no end of trouble.

kali110 · 28/10/2016 23:20

Agree with piglet that you're minimising what your daughter has done.
I certainly would not be pretending it never happened.
i wouldn't be resigning but not ignoring it.
At the moment we have no idea if this guy has even done anything, even the op doesn't.
It could well have been joking that has gotten out of hand.
Either way she shouldn't have slapped him.

BoneyBackJefferson · 28/10/2016 23:22

thisisafakename

I haven't suggested that women are as violent as men, I have said that all violence is wrong.

A woman hitting a man is not the same a a 7 yr old.

If you are going to quote " two women a week" at least quote it correctly.

I also don't believe that any death by violence is "negligible"

thisisafakename · 28/10/2016 23:23

How do you think women who hit men should be treated then?

It depends what sort of violence we are talking about. If we are talking about systematic abuse of a vulnerable person or a very serious assault, then they should feel the force of the criminal law. If we are talking about a woman being provoked by a man who has harassed her and slapping him with her open hand, I do not think that is in the same league.
Violence has to be analysed in the context of the relationship dynamic in which it occurs. I know that my boyfriend who is 6ft2 could kill me if he wanted to because he is 8 inches taller and much stronger. Therefore, violence from him would rightfully make me feel scared and intimidated. The reverse is not true. I would not be able to overpower him. I don't slap people but if I did, he would not feel a physical threat from me.
Incidentally, where there is a trend of women being physically abusive in the home it tends to be in relation to children. This is much more common than women being routinely abusive to male partners. Again, you have a gross disparity in power and physical strength. Male on female violence in the home can be seen in a similar way- tends to be perpetrated by a stronger partner against a weak or vulnerable partner (often starts in pregnancy etc).

If female on male violence was just as dangerous and damaging, we would see many men being killed by current or former partners. I think I can think of about three off the top of my head. It is almost unheard of.

plastique · 28/10/2016 23:24

She definitely shouldn't have slapped him, she feels devastated that she did, they are very good friends at work and it went too far... He commented on her and another work colleague and he crossed to line... She shouldn't have slapped him but she did, and he deserved it...

OP posts:

kali110 · 28/10/2016 23:25

BoneyBackJefferson thankgod i don't work for them

WaitrosePigeon · 28/10/2016 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

kali110 · 28/10/2016 23:27

So they are very good friends yet he harasses her?

plastique · 28/10/2016 23:29

Waitrose.. Wish it hadn't have happened
I didn't say harassment I've always said friendly banter...

OP posts:

kali110 · 28/10/2016 23:29

Oh well he deserved it

thisisafakename · 28/10/2016 23:29

If you are going to quote " two women a week" at least quote it correctly

Fine. Source: Office of National Statistics 2015. Is that enough?

I also don't believe that any death by violence is "negligible"

Research (Dobash and Dobash) shows that where women do kill current or former partners (which is by the way, very rare), there is often a past history of physical abuse by the man against the woman and tends to be in self-defence or as a result of extreme provocation.

Pretending that domestic violence is not gendered is not doing anyone any favours.

kali110 · 28/10/2016 23:31

No you didn't say harass op yet a lot of postsrs have jumped from friendly banter to this guy is harassing your dd.
They are very good friends though?
So he's simply said something your dd didn't like?

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